Peaceful, Grateful, Thankful by Judith Ashley

Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction with light paranormal elements. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you make choices to overcome the darkest nights of your life to choose love and light.

Initially when you see those three words “Peaceful, Grateful, Thankful” you may not see them as I do, see how intertwined they are, see how they can transform even the most challenging circumstances.

As my Aunt Helen shared with me on her 100^th birthday, “Life happens. It has ups and downs. Take it as it comes and you’ll be happier.” And because of the theme this month, I’ll add, You’ll be more at peace.

How do we transition from a traumatic event to peace? For me it hasn’t been an overnight process. Some experiences have taken months and years to come to terms with (and in case you’re wondering, that isn’t peaceful).

When I first became involved with the work of Dr.William Glasser, I took the time to review major life events that I saw as negative.

Why? Because a major foundation of his work centers on personal responsibility as a way to empower ourselves. In other words, if whatever is wrong in my life is because of someone, something else, I have no control of making anything different. I’m stuck.

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The secret to this self-assessment is to be neutral, to ask the question, “What would be different if I took responsibility for what happens in my life now?” So instead of “I can’t because X happened or Y is a barrier.” My question is “Even though X happened, how can I move forward with my life to find joy, success, healthy relationships, etc.?”

This focus provides me with the opportunity to become the problem-solver in my own life.

The second question I asked myself was “What is the gift this experience provided for me?”

Putting those two questions together “What is the gift?” and “How can I move forward?” was critical to my creating a way forward in my life.

Even in my 8^th decade I can see the gifts various challenging life events gave me. I have a greater empathy for people and thus I can relate to people who also have had a similar challenge.

I worked in a jail. I know what the clank of the cell door sounds like. Yes, I had the keys and I could leave and the visceral impact of the door closing is still with me.

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I’m survivor of domestic violence. I know the fear, the sense of vulnerability, the terror that comes from the physical, mental, emotional, financial and sexual abuse of someone who purports to love you. And I know, because of when I was raised, that resources are not always available to you…and if they are, they don’t always seem safe. In my case, I did go to the police station where I was told that I “belonged” to my husband and should go home.

My level of empathy, of compassion when talking to women who have survived domestic violence is different that someone who has only studied it in graduate school. Not that that they can’t be compassionate or even empathetic, they don’t know of it on a visceral level as I do.

The health issues I’ve had and are still, at times dealing with? Again, my level of compassion, of empathy is at a deeper level than someone who has always been healthy.

Factor into that Dr. Glasser’s Basic Needs (Love, Belonging, Personal Power, Power Over, Freedom, Fun and Survival) and I’ve another level of understanding about their struggle.

Another example: I’ve had on-going issues with vestibular problems since an automobile accident in 1992. I’ve been called a malingerer because I didn’t have the words to explain my symptoms and the medical professionals I saw didn’t think my accident was that severe. I also do not get vertigo. However, put me in a busy visual environment (think strobe lights, overhead fans, lots of people milling around, conversations) and I can lose my bearings, need to sit down, become confused. My biggest trigger is visual noise which is definitely a symptom of a vestibular diagnosis but unless you specialize in the condition, you may not know about it. It’s way down the list of symptoms.

So back to “Peaceful, Thankful, Grateful” Did you think I’d wondered off into the ether? Not surprising because sometimes I do…

Like most people on this earth, challenges are a part of our lives. For some people they are part of their daily lives.

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How do we move from challenges to Peaceful? We first have to work our way through Thankful and Grateful. As I shared above, because I lived through traumatic events I have been able to be more effective in working with other people in similar circumstances, I’ve been able to use my life experiences in teaching Dr. Glasser’s concepts.

And because I’ve been able to do those two things (and several others), I am Thankful because it makes me a better instructor, a more compassionate neighbor, a more empathetic friend, a more understanding parent, grandparent and great-grandparent. For that I’m Grateful.

When I experience being Thankful and Grateful in my life, I find I’m Peaceful.

And that is my goal. To live a life of peace and joy.

It comes back to my Aunt Helen’s words “Life happens. It has ups and downs. Take it as it comes and you’ll be happier.” And as I added “You’ll be more at Peace.”

In my Sacred Women’s Circle series, my heroines find peace in the sanctuary of their sacred circle and in their personal and circle spiritual traditions. I do recommend you rely on your Core Values and Spirituality to find your peace. Your mental, emotional and physical well-being will be well-served.

Learn more about my books, workshops and training on my website JudithAshley.net.

You can find my books at your favorite e-book vendor as well as through Windtree Press. Print books are available at Jan’s Paperbacks in Hillsboro, OR and Arte Soleil in Portland, OR. Get the addresses from my website. And be sure to ask your library if you’d prefer to read my books through that resource.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshley.net

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

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© 2024 Judith Ashley