07-21-18 Patricia Sargeant

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Weddings are not for everyone….

I’ve never been married. Nor am I likely to. It’s something that I’ve never felt necessary in my life.  As my grandmother always said, “If he loves you he’ll stay around. If he doesn’t it’s best to let him go.”
However, I haven’t had the best examples when it comes to weddings. My father has been married three times, my mother twice, my sister is divorced, I’ve never married and neither has my youngest sister. My two middle sisters are married, one only married last year, and one twelve years ago. I have hope for that marriage.

Personally, I’ve never seen the need for a piece of paper—a piece of paper, not really worth the paper it’s written on. Divorces are easy and cheap to procure nowadays, ask Kim Kardashian, 76 days of marriage – what a joke!!!! Someone should teach her the word commitment or inform her that perhaps she’s too immature to know her own mind.

One exception is children. I understand that where children are involved a legalized marriage is very important to protect a child’s rights.

Often, it almost appears if women are more in love with the idea of a big, fancy wedding, rather than understanding what such a commitment actually means. I’m such a cynic. I was amazed at how many of my friends wanted big traditional church weddings, but never stepped into church ordinarily, except for other weddings and christenings. What’s that all about?
Weddings are nice. They are happy, joyous occasions that allow people to share their commitment to each other with their friends and family. Great, that’s what it should be—a celebration of love.  But marriage is so much more…

Love and commitment are what binds a couple together. A sense of personal pride and decency.  Love leads to wanting, and offering to, share a life with someone—the good and the bad. I don’t think couples today understand anything about personal commitment. You don’t give up and leave at the first sign of trouble. You don’t think the grass is greener on the other side. You don’t think it’s acceptable to cheat on your partner because he or she will never find out. You should have far more respect for each other than that.

You have made a commitment to each other to work as a team. To shoulder each other’s troubles, share each other joys, and to support each other in all that you do.

The pictures I've used today are of my sister, Juliet's wedding in Germany last July. She's married her German sweetheart. It's one wedding/marriage I feel will lead to wonderful things. My sister doesn't have good health. In fact she's been pretty ill the whole time Nicco courted her. Nicco has spent a lot of his time looking after my sister. He's certainly experienced the bad times and he stuck around. From the photo's I think you can see it's clear he loves her very much. But it's his actions, when they are living their ordinary lives, that speak volumes to me. His commitment to care for her in sickness and in health.  That's all I needed to see to know he loves her deeply.

Perhaps it’s not weddings that are wrong but the behavior that comes afterwards. 

For me personally, I don’t need a fancy wedding or a piece of paper to tell me I love someone. That comes from my heart, from my behavior towards them, and from my choosing to share my life with someone. From my overwhelming love for them. 

Weddings, are a moment in time, when we share that love with the world. I just wish couples would remember that feeling always. Perhaps there would be less divorce if we did.



Judith Ashley said...

Wow, Bron - so much of what you shared echoes my own feelings. I was married once, for less than 5 years and out of that we were separated almost 2 years. I have loved other people and even talked about getting married but...

I watched an episode of Larry King when he had a guest host. It was right after the Tiger Woods situation hit the media. The guests were all wealthy, powerful men (politics, entertainment types). They talked about infidelity and the temptations they faced every day with women coming on to them. One said every morning he made a conscious commitment to remain faithful to his wife.

IMHO it takes a conscious decision to make a relationship work whether it is a marriage, another family relationship, friendships, at work. And tht conscious decision needs to be made most every day if not every day.

Thank you for sharing a thought-provoking post!

Sarah Raplee said...

There is so much wisdom in your words, Bron! The odds of my marriage lasting over forty years in modern times were very poor. I married a serviceman during the Vietnam War. He was nineteen, I was seventeen. I was a college freshman and no, I wasn't pregnant. We were dirt-poor and within the year I was having a difficult first pregnancy.

But both of us were and still are committed to the relationship. That's what got us through difficult times, that and the fact that we cared deeply for one another and were willing to overlook the little daily irritations that come with living with anyone.

He's still my best friend, my lover, and my hero - and it still irritates me that he doesn't hang up washcloths!

Wonderful post!

Diana Mcc. said...

Interesting and thought provoking post. Although, I don't agree with you that a marriage is just a piece of paper, I do agree that to enter into a marriage one has to be committed to that person and through not just the good times, but the rough times too.

Nicole said...

Well interesting post, like the previous poster, I'm not sure marriage is just a piece of paper.

I'm coming up to 15 years married this November. I come from a fairly, good, solid marriage stock.

My mum and dad - married 54 years
My oldest sister - married 32 years
My brother- married 28 years this September
My other sister - married 14 years, although they've been together for over 20 years.

Pretty amazing statistics but proof that in one family it can work.

I've got a couple of aunts that have both been married for over 40 years. Something in our blood perhaps :)

Anonymous said...

Interesting post, with much truth.

Marriage is an institution I want to believe in, but increasingly, I think those who marry are unwilling to work towards maintaining the love and commitment the union represents.

I hear so many men and women about to marry worrying about what he or she will receive, and how "he/she better never ever..."

However, lasting unions with those so in love they want the world to know, who would be together paper or no--I really respect their unshakeable commitment and the inspiration they provide.