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05-19 Sarah Raplee – Riff on 7 yrs. Of SPAM & a Giveaway
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Death and taxes: paranormal-style
Can love survive death? All the time. The odds that you'll get haunted in some fashion by a dead loved one or a potential non-living boyfriend are pretty much unbackable. Ghosts, stalker vampires, lovesick walking corpses. They're all over the place. In fact, if you're NOT being hassled by a hot dude from the other side, you're probably in need of a paranormal heroine makeover.
Can you be dead and alive at the same time (otherwise known as undead)? This one has lost popularity since the days of Dracula and Boris Karloff wrapped in toilet paper. Mostly because romance writers realized that guys with no heartbeat are going to have trouble, er, rising to the occasion, shall we say. The solution? Vampires have heartbeats, and blood pressure. Even though they're dead and have no pulse or body heat. Or something.
Or else, it's magic!! and to hell with explaining it. I'm good with that.
Or, he could lie in a meadow and sparkle. That'd be excruciatingly lame. Excuse me while I nip away and write a bestseller.
Lastly, and most important of all:
If you're immortal, can you get out of paying tax? If death isn't inevitable, what about taxes? If you're planning to live forever – and most self-respecting immortals amass an indecently large fortune – that's a whole lot of money you'll have to give over to the IRS between now and the end of the world.
But never fear! There are a number of popular options for preserving your endless slush fund:
- Become a mobster. Everyone knows mobsters don't pay tax. With your supernatural powers, you'll be able to wipe out your enemies in no time.
- Better still, become the billionaire CEO of an evil multinational corporation. They definitely don't pay tax, and there's the added bonus of all those virginal, latently submissive interns who will trip over you in the lobby of your skyscraper. Happens all the time.
- Hide your money in gold bullion, deep in the vault of a haunted castle in Eastern Europe. Then, hire a gang of seductive killer minions to protect it and invite enemy accountants and lawyers for a holiday. An oldie but a goodie.
- Keep your supernatural empire a secret from humans, and own a bunch of dark and desperately hip nightclubs. For some reason, immortal heroes love to own nightclubs. I assume it's because there are tax advantages.
- Use your magical powers to fool the tax people. For instance, try the Jedi Mind Trick when they come to audit you. 'These aren't the capital gains you're looking for. Nothing to see here. Move along.'
How do they pay rent, buy dinner, keep themselves in cool clothes and the latest fiery weapons of demon doom? Do they conjure cash from thin air? Is there a holy Visa card? Or do they just go around blessing people into giving them things for free?
Like I said. Paranormal romance: we canvas the big issues.
P.S. You can check out the first few chapters of REDEMPTION for free (yay!) on my website, or for Kindle.
So you tell me: if you were an immortal, ultra-powerful paranormal dude (or dudette!) how would you thwart the IRS?