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05-19 Sarah Raplee – Riff on 7 yrs. Of SPAM & a Giveaway

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Death and taxes: paranormal-style

Death is a major theme in paranormal romance. Yes, our genre canvasses the big issues. Questions that concern ordinary people every day. Such as:

Is death the end? Hell, no. People die in paranormals all the time and get resurrected, or transformed into something new, better and more gruesome. Often, to get the very best paranormal jobs – vampire death prince, zombie overlord, etc. – death is compulsory. Like multi-resurrected ancient Egyptian priest Imhotep said in The Mummy: 'Death is only the beginning.'

Can love survive death? All the time. The odds that you'll get haunted in some fashion by a dead loved one or a potential non-living boyfriend are pretty much unbackable. Ghosts, stalker vampires, lovesick walking corpses. They're all over the place. In fact, if you're NOT being hassled by a hot dude from the other side, you're probably in need of a paranormal heroine makeover.

Can you be dead and alive at the same time (otherwise known as undead)? This one has lost popularity since the days of Dracula and Boris Karloff wrapped in toilet paper. Mostly because romance writers realized that guys with no heartbeat are going to have trouble, er, rising to the occasion, shall we say. The solution? Vampires have heartbeats, and blood pressure. Even though they're dead and have no pulse or body heat. Or something.

Or else, it's magic!! and to hell with explaining it. I'm good with that.

The connection between Sex! and Death! Will sex kill you? Will dying turn you on? Is there, in fact, something wrong with you that you enjoy this? This is kind of what paranormal romances are for, right? The danger element, the demon lover, the monster only you can tame. I mean, what's the point of a vampire hero who isn't on the edge of tearing your throat out? Or a demon boyfriend who doesn't occasionally fantasize about sucking out your soul? Might as well make him a lumberjack.

Or, he could lie in a meadow and sparkle. That'd be excruciatingly lame. Excuse me while I nip away and write a bestseller.

Lastly, and most important of all:

If you're immortal, can you get out of paying tax? If death isn't inevitable, what about taxes? If you're planning to live forever – and most self-respecting immortals amass an indecently large fortune – that's a whole lot of money you'll have to give over to the IRS between now and the end of the world.

But never fear! There are a number of popular options for preserving your endless slush fund:

- Become a mobster. Everyone knows mobsters don't pay tax. With your supernatural powers, you'll be able to wipe out your enemies in no time.

- Better still, become the billionaire CEO of an evil multinational corporation. They definitely don't pay tax, and there's the added bonus of all those virginal, latently submissive interns who will trip over you in the lobby of your skyscraper. Happens all the time.

- Hide your money in gold bullion, deep in the vault of a haunted castle in Eastern Europe. Then, hire a gang of seductive killer minions to protect it and invite enemy accountants and lawyers for a holiday. An oldie but a goodie.

- Keep your supernatural empire a secret from humans, and own a bunch of dark and desperately hip nightclubs. For some reason, immortal heroes love to own nightclubs. I assume it's because there are tax advantages.

- Use your magical powers to fool the tax people. For instance, try the Jedi Mind Trick when they come to audit you. 'These aren't the capital gains you're looking for. Nothing to see here. Move along.'

In my book REDEMPTION (this month's new release! Yay!) my immortal hero is a fallen angel warrior. Angels don't pay tax. It's just a fact of life. Where do they even get money? They don't have day jobs, or trust funds…

How do they pay rent, buy dinner, keep themselves in cool clothes and the latest fiery weapons of demon doom? Do they conjure cash from thin air? Is there a holy Visa card? Or do they just go around blessing people into giving them things for free?

Like I said. Paranormal romance: we canvas the big issues.

P.S. You can check out the first few chapters of REDEMPTION for free (yay!) on my website, or for Kindle.

So you tell me: if you were an immortal, ultra-powerful paranormal dude (or dudette!) how would you thwart the IRS?


Judith Ashley said...

Oh my, Erica, what a question! I've no idea. Guess I'm hopeless as an immortal, ultra-powerful paranormal dudette.

Erica Hayes said...

Or maybe you're just so cool and ultra-powerful that the IRS don't dare come for you. Like, y'know. Chuck Norris.

Sarah Raplee said...

Hmmmm...I'd give most of the money to charity. After all, I'm immortal - it's not like I need much, LOL!

Judith Ashley said...

Thanks for the laugh, Erica. When I look in the mirror, I don't see someone cool or ultra-powerful nor, thank goodness, do I see Chuck Norris!

Diana Mcc. said...

Great post, Erika!

Linda Lovely said...

A fun post!Not sure what I'd do with a refund. Unfortunately, we don't have any experience with that...