Thursday, April 11, 2013
To be a Mother or to be an Author?
They plan and plan and plan. And then life gets in the way.
Isn't that what we always say? Life got in the way. My life? Three children. Now, I wouldn't trade them for anything in this world, but being a mother at the age of 20 isn't all it's cracked up to be. I had my youngest a day before my 25th birthday and for the next several years I spent all my time raising them to be intelligent, thoughtful, helpful people. But where did my dreams go? Unfortunately down the tube.
For as long as I can remember I told stories, acted out fantasical worlds and characters, wrote them down on paper or in the dirt, etc. etc. etc. When the kids came I told them stories and enthralled them with my worlds. But as with everything that time was short. They didn't need me as often. My dream began to rear it's head out of the desert sand. And so did the guilt. Sure there were plenty of mothers out there that worked for a living and raised their kids. I knew plenty of them, but I'd always felt once I had kids until they were grown they would need all of my attention.
Even now, after finally having self-published two of my short stories I still feel guilty when I'm working and they need me. My first thought is to drop everything I'm doing and go to them. Then I take a deep breath, wait for a second and if they are still asking I go. If the moment has passed for them I return to my work with a lighter heart.
What makes you feel guilty to do even though you shouldn't?