I
really struggled with this month’s topic because I feel incredibly ordinary. I
haven’t discovered anything, or invented anything, or written an international
best seller – yet. But then I realized my life hasn’t been ordinary compared to
many of my peers who were born in the ‘60’s, grew up in the ‘70’s, and matured
in the ‘80’s.
Midway
through college, I took a year off to be a nanny in the UK. Not only did that
cement my love of travel but it gave me a tiny glimpse of life as a mum and
homemaker (in addition to the two children, my duties included preparing supper
and some light housekeeping) and I loved it.
When
I got married a couple years later, I kept getting asked, by friends and
relatives, when would I get a job. I had no idea what I wanted to be “when I
grew up”, plus I was busy developing my love of cooking and baking, and
perfecting the folding of fitted sheets. I was inordinately proud of my
well-organized linen closet. Needless to say I was in the minority amongst my
friends, all of whom had careers outside the home. I was asked on numerous
occasions, “don’t you get bored being home all day?”. To which I’d with respond
with heck, no, I’m too busy painting walls, or tending the garden, or making
jam.
A few
years later I was busy being a mum, sewing baby clothes and playing with Legos,
followed by soccer and lacrosse practice, and flute and guitar lessons.
I’ve
never felt stuck or trapped or like I was missing out. I should have been born
a few decades earlier when women were expected to stay at home after marriage,
and indeed were looked at askance if they wanted to continue working. Instead I
was looked at askance for wanting to be a full-time homemaker – how could I
possibly feel fulfilled by reupholstering the furniture or mowing the lawn or baking
cookies? By the way, I make really good cookies. <grin>
I
daresay I’m one of the few women my age who irons pillowcases, tea towels, and
napkins. I get a thrill seeing them stacked neatly on the shelf in my
well-organized linen closet. Now I’m off to fight with my hubby (recently
retired) over who gets to use the vacuum cleaner.
10 comments:
Luanna - you and I are chronological peers and I feel the same way you do!!!!! great blog.
Thank you, Peggy! I'm heartened to discover that, while I'm part of a rarefied breed, I'm not alone.
Luanna, I really enjoyed your blog post. while I'm older than you, I was a stay at home mom for about 11 years and then worked part-time while the kids were in school and finished college at that time too.
I will say one of the most fulfilling jobs and hardest job was staying home and taking care of three kids, the house and the dog etc. Taking the kids to activities and being available to pick them up from school when they were sick was important to me and my husband. No latch key kids for us!
Of my kids, only my daughter-in-law has been able to stay at home with the kids. I just spent time with her while on vacation. She is one busy lady! She had a good job but gave it up when their second second child arrived.
I say Hooray for anyone who can stay at home and raise their kids to be the best that they can be.
Great post, Luanna! I stayed home when my kids were little and did daycare for some extra income. I found childcare to be very fulfilling and fun.
I believe each person or couple has to make their own choices about what is best for them and their children. Some aren't cut out to be stay-at-home moms (or dads). Some can't afford to stay home.
For those who can, I hope you give it a try.
Good for you, Luanna! I've always thought that feminism meant letting women making their own choices about their own lives, and you are a feminist for sticking to your guns and living your best life. :-)
Thank you, Diana! Not having latchkey kids was important to me as well because my brother and I were latchkey kids and I remember what we got up to - ha! If our parents only knew! But, on the plus side, he and I are both good cooks because we were required to get supper on the table during the week.
Thanks, Sarah! It's true about the extra income but we had enough to live on. Some years were leaner than others but I was good at economizing, and knew how to darn socks .
Thanks, Lynn, that's how I thought of it, too.
Luanna, it's wonderful you found fulfillment in staying home, raising your children, and keeping a home and garden to your expectations. There is nothing wrong with that, and I'm certain your efforts will spread into the world through your children as well.
It is unfortunate that not all women get to make choices about what they truly want to do. One of my daughters-in-law is a stay-at-home mom. Her bachelor's degree is in Economics and before she and our son began having children she worked in wealth management. However, they both agreed she would stay home when they started having children. She loves it and I love seeing all the things she's doing with them. However, she can do this because our son is an attorney and makes very good money.
Our other daughter-in-law has always been a driven management and leadership type of person. She also has an economics degree and has used it working for the State Department and helping set up viable economic micro-businesses in third world countries--most often led by women. She was on a path to never having children because she knew she did not want to stay home. They did have a daughter a year ago, but it works out because of two reasons. 1) Our son, a police officer, works the night shift so he is home with their daughter while mom is at work. They also have a good relationship with excellent child care should neither of them be available (e.g., when DIL travels overseas). Again, this is something they can afford to do because they both make good money.
In both of our sons situations their wives were free to make the choice that fit them best because they are economically secure; and each of our DILs are very happy women because of it. Yet, I know about hundreds of thousands of women who do not have that choice because they are single parents, or both parents need to work to make ends meet. I also know of men, like my husband, who chose to stay home while their wives worked because they were very good at raising children, keeping house and home in beautiful shape.
Raising children well, and having safe, secure ways to do that for both working people and stay-at-home parents is one of the things I hope we can see in my lifetime. It is critical to seeing the next generation becoming the best citizens possible. I salute you for your contribution to that.
I worked from the time my kids were 6 weeks old. I hated it, but I had no choice. I worked 3-4 jobs at a time to cobble together enough to live on, as my husband was self-employed. I never had a clean or organized house. I loved to garden and cook and do crafts and...but never had a chance to do any of those things. Well, it seemed on Sunday, that's all I did for years - cook enough for the week, catch up on laundry and housekeeping and then start over again. Oh, I'd try to find time for the things I enjoyed, like sewing, knitting, weaving, but then those projects got thrown to the side, as I moved from job to job each day. I rarely saw my kids play in sports. Yes, I was a feminist, trying to change the world - a world where women had the opportunity to do what they loved most. Now in retirement, I am finally able to do what I love - enjoy my children, now grown, and grandkids, and cooking and WRITING...but now my energy is waning and there are so many things I would love to do, but... BUT I now get to write and snuggle with grandkids, so that is a joy. Sorry this was so depressing. Maybe it is the bad weather outside my window or the winter doldrums :-) This too will pass.
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