When you don’t fit in you have no choice but to live a
different kind of life, one that is a path forged out of necessity. It can be
difficult as you face an unknown road but also freeing because you aren’t bound
by the restrictions of a normal life.
My
parents were raised on farms in Tasmania, but I was born in working-class
suburb north of Melbourne Victoria. In some ways, I was socially more alone than the migrants from
Southern Italy who had each other, The
Aussies in our street were all “City Folk” as my mother called them. The
Italian families were from the rural south before migrating and I felt I had
more in common with them but culturally, I didn’t belong there either.
Add to that how tall I grew. By age 12 I stood 5’11” and I towered above all the kids at my
high school. I got teased about it relentlessly but it meant that I wasn’t to
live life in the shadows but I didn’t like standing out. Back then it drew
negative comments because I didn’t embrace the gift and walk with head held
high. I hunched my back trying to be small.
I was born with a kidney condition that required stays in
hospital and scarring from operations on my stomach, so no midriff tops when
they came into fashion, no bikini for me even though all my friends wore them. But
I needed to fit in somehow, and I kept trying hard to do all the normal things.
After school, I longed for a career doing something creative
but I was funneled into office work, which I was never very good at. Later, I
got married and had children but my health issue handicap eventually undermined
my best efforts to live a regular life. I started to embrace my uniqueness and
gave up office work and searched for a creative career. I needed to survive and
that was going to have to be living to the beat of my own drum. Out of necessity,
I started to make decisions based on what I really needed to do, and not what was expected of me.
I started writing full time. Being an author was not one of
the jobs I was ever given as an option. So making the choice to skill up for this was surprising to many but it opened a whole new world for me. Dora is
short for Dorothy, and like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, it was like I walked
out of my black and white life and into a Technicolor one.
My first RWAustralia conference experience was at the fancy
dress cocktail party. Everyone was dressed up for
the theme ‘Spellbound’. I walked into a room that was alive with color,
cheerfulness, and camaraderie. It drew me in like a warm hug and I made new
friends that welcomed me into this special world of romance writing, and I have
to say I’ll never leave.
When writing my contemporary romance novels, a recurring
theme is the main characters stepping out of the life they thought was expected
of them and into a life that they are truly equipped for. It is here that they
find the love we all want to have in our lives. Once they are being authentic
and living large, they are then seen in all their true beauty, shining like
stars, they are attractive to the one that is the perfect-for-them-match.
Katrina from The Italian Billionaire’s Secret Baby needed to
see that she was capable of breaking free of what was expected to become a
mother and keep her Ballet Career. When she became pregnant she was forced to
step out of the life she’d settled for and create the one she could really
thrive in, Alessandro had to do the same if he wanted her to be a part of his
life.
It happened to me after I wrote the stories. I had the knowledge
of what needed to happen in my life but applying it was super scary. After I
had been set free in the world, I felt abandoned at first, but I had my romance
author friends who supported me, and I bravely stepped into my new creative and
wonderful life. That’s when I met Sam.
An Aussie with Italian heritage, he’s a real-life hero because he loves me as I am. On my
dating profile under the category ‘The first thing people notice about you” I
wrote, “I’m tall.” He thought that was very funny and it was what drew him to
me. He’s fine with me being a tall woman. As far as my choice of career, he
proudly tells people I’m a romance writer and that I won an award. (I came
first in the short romance category of the Australian RWA’s Emerald Award.)
As
far as my health issues go, I was upfront about them at our first meeting. He
empathized with me and after only one month of dating, he started driving me to
my doctor’s appointments and stayed right by my side through scary tests. The things that had felt so wrong about me as a child feel exactly right now.
It can seem overwhelmingly wrong to be authentic and embrace our uniqueness, but nothing fulfilling comes
from living a half-life. We all need to beat on our own
unique drum.
FYI. Our wedding story is on my blog https://www.dorabramden.com/doras-blog/my-wedding-day
I have two heart-melting, passionate, romance’s and a short
story currently published on Kindle. Click the links below to find me on
Amazon, Instagram, Facebook, and my website.
6 comments:
I like that you have followed your passion! It's funny, but I don't think anyone is fine with the way they are built. My daughter-in-law and I are both 5'2" and we both wished we were taller! My daughters are tall 5' 10" and 5' 9" and have expressed the wish to be shorter. '
My granddaughter is like you, she was 5' 6' IN 6TH grade. The tallest one in her class at school.
Me I also wished as a young girl that I had been gifted with blond hair like my brother and sister.
Now, I'm happy with who I am and how I look.
I didn't realize that Australia had migrant workers from Italy. How very interesting! Great blog post!
Loved this post, Dora!
I was different because I lived on a tropical island from the time I was ten until I was 15. That experience fueled my love of adventure and gave me a clear perspective about what it is like to be different due to the color of one's skin. I also learned the difference between being a member of a 'priveleged minority' (which I was on Guam) or a downtrodden minority (which some of my friends were in high school in California.)
That experience has given me a broad understanding of the human experience for which i am very grateful.
I was not in an ill-fitting career. I had several careers that were good fits and very satisfying. I was an educator for many years, and I worked in social services for five years. I spent over four years as a tech writer/editor for an aviation electronics company. After dabbling in writing fiction and taking a couple classes, I became serious about it after being laid off. Like you, I feel I found my 'Forever' niche. Life sometimes gets in the way, but writing brings me joy.
I have been fortunate to have the support of my hero and soulmate through it aall. We've shared many wonderful adventures!
I have friends who always wished they were taller so I agree with you. Many of us have the height challenge. Of course we are all wonderful no matter how tall medium or short we are.
Yes, we have lots of Italian families and many other nationalities too. Australia is like the US in that we are a melting pot culture, people from all over the world live here.
Hi Sarah,
I can see how growing up among different cultures would have given you great empathy for people including those different to yourself. You've led a wonderful life of service with your solemate at your side. So glad you're still making a special contribution with your writing. I hear you about life getting in the way but that writing gives you joy, I find that's the case with me also.
What a wonderful article. I'm so happy that you found someone who loves you for yourself and supports your work.
As others have said, I think everyone feels they do not fit in. We all have challenges in different ways. The question is what we do with it. I lovey our example of going your own way even when it didn't seem to be an open door. That really is the key in life--walking through a door you may know very little about and deciding if it fits you.
This was a great post. I'm always so motivated by Romancing the Genres! Thank you, Dora, for reminding me that having a happier history may have left me with nothing to write about! I like your comments on how your protagonists have to step out of their old life in order to get to HEA, similar to your own journey. We put ourselves "out there" without even knowing it, sometimes. Thanks!
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