I'm Judith Ashley, one of the Blog Queens. I write light paranormal, romantic women's fiction and non-fiction. Learn more about me and my books on my website.
I'll be popping in here throughout the day USA, Pacific time) to hostess conversations on the following questions. Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas as well as invite people you know to chime in. Since we have readers from around the globe, do check back in until Monday morning (USA, Pacific time).
One: “What Is Love?” You might want to check out Eleri Grace's post this past Tuesday for her perspective.
Two: “Can we truly love someone else if we do not
love ourselves?” There is a perspective that we must first love ourselves and there is the Bible saying paraphrased here "do unto others as you want others to do unto you."
Three: “How to
keep a romantic relationship alive?” What's your favorite or "go to" way to infuse romance back into your relationship or to keep it humming along?
Four: “Favorite expressions of love.” Endearments, flowers...what are some non-verbal ways you know others love you.
Five: “Is it okay if one is not in a relationship to still celebrate Valentine’s Day by buying oneself flowers, candy or a special take-out dinner?“ Last year I read that some people were taking exception to the "big deal" and people who were not in a relationship were being left out. Do you agree that it makes being unattached more difficult?
7 comments:
I've worked for over 50 years is a variety of social service and educational positions. One thing I learned in my personal life that was present in my professional work was how hard it is to adjust our perspective of what "love" looks like. When we hear the word "love" in whatever context it is, we do have our own image of what that looks and feels like.
It isn't always easy but it is important and at times even critical to ask the other person to tell you in words as well as in action how they communicate love to not just you but to anyone.
Your thoughts?
One: “What Is Love?”
Love means different things to different people. To me it's a man that has my back, thinks I am the cutest thing there is, and someone I can tell anything to. He still makes my heart race when I see him, and he performs small acts of kindness every day, some might call it chivalry.
Two: “Can we truly love someone else if we do not love ourselves?”
I don't think that's possible. There's a certain desperation that's off-putting in a relationship, when one person expects their partner to make them feel better. Work on yourself first before embarking on a relationship.
Three: “How to keep a romantic relationship alive?” What's your favorite or "go to" way to infuse romance back into your relationship or to keep it humming along?
Keep an open mind, try doing things out of the ordinary. This includes your intimate life as well. Switch up the daily routine. Socialize with new friends Plan date nights, even if at home, travel when travel is safe. Stay active. Buy each other little gifts, just to let that person know you're thinking of them.
Four: “Favorite expressions of love.” Endearments, flowers...what are some non-verbal ways you know others love you.
Little gifts are always appreciated. shoulder and neck rubs. A special little trip to a place I enjoy.. can be local. Buying a book from a favorite author when it's released, just to surprise me. Texting me a message just to say you're thinking of me.
Five: “Is it okay if one is not in a relationship to still celebrate Valentine’s Day by buying oneself flowers, candy or a special take-out dinner?“
I do all the time when not in a relationship. I buy myself flowers, my favorite wine, and have even taken myself out to dinner alone or with a friend. Important to treat yourself like a Valentine! You are worthy!
Happy Valentine's Day all!
Marcia, I love your ideas. I also buy myself flowers, chocolate and treat myself to dinner (usually takeout).
When I got married, I didn't realize my husband would stop saying he loved me. In his world, you did that when dating but once married, there was no point to it anymore. I learned during that marriage how important it is to me to hear the words...actions may speak louder than words but for me, I need both.
“Is it okay if one is not in a relationship to still celebrate Valentine’s Day by buying oneself flowers, candy or a special take-out dinner?“
I was watching Good Morning America this morning and the hosts were discussing this very thing. Apparently there is a large segment of the population who are having a:
Gal-entine Day tomorrow. That is where your 'bestie' and you exchange gifts of friendship appreciation.
So even though I am married, I feel it is important to celebrate in whatever way makes YOU feel uplifted and appreciated. Happy Valentine Day to all!
Diana, I missed the Gal-entine information. I agree that it is important to celebrate in whatever way works best for each of us. I'd also add that doing something special for ourselves, if not every day, at least more than once a year on Valentine's Day, is a great way to stay positive.
There are many kinds of love, of which romantic love is only one. I think we can't help but compare our love to what we see in media. When I was growing up, the perfect family was represented by Leave it to Beaver or Father Knows Best. The role of women and their relationship to the family was very different than it is now.
I think familial love is in many ways the most complex because no one (outside of the parents) made a choice to be part of the group. It is where we learn to love ourselves (or not); compromise (or not); and set expectations for "love."
I've given up judging whether people can "truly love" in a relationship where the power is unbalanced, or when one person has self-esteem issues. I've seen those relationships work as much as I've seen them not work.
Whether a romantic relationship, a friend kind of love, or a familial love to keep it going takes work. Allowing each other to grow takes adaptation over time. It is when someone no longer wants to work at it that it falls apart.
For me, romantic love may begin with sexual attraction but I marry for deep trust and enduring friendship. I stay and work on keeping that trust and enduring friendship for my lifetime. I don't have expectations for anything beyond that. When our finances have been good we've done spectacular things together--travel, special dinners, concerts. When they haven't been as good we've found other things to celebrate together--a good movie, a great game of Scrabble or doing the NYT crossword together. During COVID we've come to realize that the most important thing has been simply knowing and accepting each other with all the not so cute/fun quirks as well as the amazing compassion and ability to talk things out.
Finally, for me, Valentine's Day is a day for me to tell those closest to me I love them. I send a card (today electronically) to my extended family--sisters, brothers, cousins. Including those still alive of my aunts, uncles, and my mother (my father passed six years ago but I used to send it to him as well). It is reminiscent of my childhood where we all gathered and shared cards and candy and shared a meal. I also create a card for my husband. We very rarely exchange a gift on Valentine's Day--not even a chocolate. For me it is the gesture of saying "You are important in my life, and I love you" that is the meaning.
When I was uncoupled, I still celebrated with family from afar. Is it okay to buy oneself flowers, candy, or go out to dinner? Of course, if that brings upi joy. I wouldn't personally choose that. Everything is overpriced on Valentine's Day (the reason my husband and I wouldn't go out either). I'd rather pick up flowers when it's not that day, or take myself out to dinner some other time. But if it did bring me joy I would.
Happy Valentines Day to all the genreistas!
Maggie, words of truth. I worked with over 300 families when I did international and domestic adoption work. I wrote home studies for couples who had marriages that worked for them although I'd probably slit my wrist if I had to be in that relationship (well, a bit dramatic but...). My focus was on whether that relationship worked for Them. Were they happy? Did they have that commitment to make it work when children came? Did they accept the other person as she/he was? Always loved the answer to my "If you had a magic wand, what is one thing you'd change in your spouse?" They way they handled that question told me a lot.
Having been "uncoupled" most of my life, if I didn't treat myself to flowers, etc. I'd not have them. BTW: I love the term "uncoupled".
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your perspective.
Post a Comment