Thursday, August 19, 2021

What is this thing called romance?

 I'm serious....

                           what is romance????

- candle lit dinner (if at home who does the dishes, if at a restaurant is it okay to double dip in my personal ranch or does that ruin the romance?????)

OR

- drinks by the fire place (who brings in the wood? What if the wood is wet and it just smokes? What if there is spiders living in the wood?)


     - a vase of flowers (do I try to dry them and keep them as a memory because if I throw them away when they have died does that mean I'm unromantic???)

My books have many many elements...

                     serial killers

                              Death and his side kick the pumpkin man

                                     Doughnuts 😋😋😋😋

                                          animals

                                               characters who have problems and eat doughnuts                                                        to solve them

                                                     steamy sex 👫

What my books don't have is romance. :-( Which you may find sort of odd for a romance suspense/horror writer. But my thought on this is romance is a personal thing. What you find romantic I may not and unless you get all mushy inside and teary eye when your floor is mopped you probably don't share mine.

When writing the 'romance' side of my stories I have characters that meet each other where they are and then walk together. So it's not just mindless sex but I've never written a flower or box of candy scene (I thought hard on this). I write more on relationship building (usually while trying not to get killed) than the sweetness of romance.


I mean look... they go to a pumpkin patch and find a dead body!
This is romance awareness month and I think we need to be aware that romance isn't the same for everyone. And there shouldn't be any shame in that. Everyone should be allowed to define romance in their own way.
Flowers make you sneeze and depress you as they die? That's fine you shouldn't feel like you need to get them to mark a special day.
What we need to remember that is key in romance is respect. We need to remember many abusers are super romantic in the eyes of others (I've seen this first hand) but behind closed doors they are controlling, demeaning, and violent.

While I’m not saying you shouldn’t love flowers or candle lit dinners, I’m just asking that we remember romance is a personal thing. And as romance writers/readers we can help those who don’t want the flowers or candle lit dinner feel okay about swooning over a mopped floor.

Also as romance writers, we know better than most that romance isn’t easy to achieve. I mean I’ve written as close as I get to romance with a dino battle raging in front of me…


Having a 200 lb dog bark at me as he tries to climb on the table because he thinks he needs to go on a walk - for the 6th time.


I’d love to know what is your idea of romance???

Have a great month!

4 comments:

Deb N said...

So true, Lyncee - an interesting perspective. And probably why each of us is drawn to different types of books and romance authors who speak to us as an individual. P.S. I do love dried flowers - so I cut the dried stalks in the fall from my garden and arrange them or dry my maple leaves.

We each have a way to express love and romance and each have things that are dear to us for different reasons. Our uniqueness (and our style of writing and reading choices) is what makes the world go round.

Judith Ashley said...

Romance is a very personal thing. While I do love flowers, I used to prefer potted plants but then I had to take care of them because I didn't want them to die. Now I'll get a bouquet of flowers from time to time. I would swoon over a mopped floor and even more so over the house being dusted top to bottom!

Both my characters and I appreciate someone who pays attention to our likes, who respects that we have our own perspective of romance and works to match it while my characters and I reciprocate.

So Milo is now 200 lbs!? I lost track when I stopped being on Facebook for several months. Such a puppy!!!

Lynn Lovegreen said...

Great post, Lyncee. Romance is in the eye of the beholder, and as long as it involves respect for the other person, I agree it can be as simple as your partner mopping the floor. My husband always washes my car before I notice it's dirty--that's romance, too. ;-)

Maggie Lynch said...

Great post, Lyncee. I agree 100% that romance comes of relationship building. The best and most long lasting are those who are able to come as they are AND express what they need/want and be heard.

I do write some typical "sweet romantic, misty eyed" scenes of romance because they reflect the emotional connection between the characters. I've never done the box of chocolates or someone making a candlelit dinner. I don't think I've done the bringing flowers scene either, but I can't swear to that.

My big romantic moments are usually in the everyday things. In one book it is two people planting food crops in pouring rain because they have to get the seeds in the ground to have any possibility of having food in the fall. It doesn't seem romantic. It's muddy and drudgery. But just having someone willing to help with this is such a show of compassion and character that it turns the tide toward romance.

In another, a person who is a songwriter and singer has given up on the man she loved. At the climax of the story she sings an original song--one she had written at the height of their relationship when she believed they would be married. The band wants her to sing it because it is a song so many customers would relate to--a song that talks of hope. IT is hard for her, she can't stop the tears escaping for all that was lost because of her and his inability to reach out, say what they want, and embrace the differences in each other. I won't give away how it all resolves, but it is in my mind, the most romantic and hear-rending scene in the book.