OMG I can’t write that. My mother will read it.
That’s the panicked
thought that ran through my head for years. YEARS. And that’s why, when you
look at the timeline of my writing, there’s a big desert of absolutely nothing
between my mid-20’s, and 37.
People ask in
interviews when I knew I wanted to be a writer. The answer? Always. My whole
life. I wrote my first full length romance novel at 15. No, you can’t see it.
That sucker stays on the hard drive where it can’t inflict itself on hapless
readers. So why didn’t my debut novel release until I was 40?
It turned out, there
were innumerable layers of ingrained toxicity, self-doubt, shame, anxiety, and
fear of judgment standing between me and my true self. Only once I got to work deconstructing
that mess did I discover the freedom that comes with shedding those harmful
things I unwittingly carried around.
Life is a roller
coaster. It leaves a mark, changes how we see ourselves, and often dictates how
much power we give to the opinions of others. The good news, is that it’s not
over yet. As long as you draw breath, you are capable of chasing freedom,
healing, and claiming yourself back from your baggage.
What does that look
like?
Prioritizing your needs
over someone else’s opinion (note the word NEED. This isn’t a hall pass to be a
selfish jerk). Listening to that twist in your gut when someone says or does
something that you don’t like. Establishing boundaries with people who give
more thought to what you can do for them, than what you need from the
relationship.
Sometimes, it means
accepting that your mother is going to read that hot sex scene you wrote, and
realizing that her reaction is a whole lotta not your business. Or looking your
pastor in the eye and proudly telling them you write open door romance novels
because you know there’s nothing shameful in the full scope of human
relationships, and you believe in modeling healthy sex on the page.
Every layer of fear,
that inner ‘what will they think’, or the awful thing someone said that you let
run around in your head on a loop, stands between you and true freedom.
We toss around the word
freedom a lot in our society. In this context, I am talking about the brilliant
peace and untapped well of possibility within each of us that we embrace when
we become the person we were created to be. This particular freedom can be
scary to reach, and it doesn’t come easily. That said, I promise it’s worth the
work to get there.
This is the core story
I tell over and over. The journey my characters take, and I hope you as a
reader, see truth in that process on the page.
That’s freedom.
I hope you’ll enjoy the
process of self-discovery my heroine goes through in my latest release, West
End Earl. Phee takes quite a ride, but in the end, she’s the beautiful, strong,
capable woman she was created to be.
https://www.read-forever.com/titles/bethany-bennett/west-end-earl/9781538735701/
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7 comments:
I love Dolly Parton and her strength. She is one smart, caring, beautiful woman. She had to win her own confidence as well.
This line, "Every layer of fear, that inner ‘what will they think’, or the awful thing someone said that you let run around in your head on a loop, stands between you and true freedom." is soooo true. I suffered under that for years as well when I began writing romance.
It wasn't that my parents were strict or unforgiving. IT's just that they never talked about sex, and I made assumptions about how my mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, people at church would feel they read some of those stories. My assumptions were mostly wrong. In fact, in my late 50s, I began to learn that some of those same relatives had much wilder sex lives when they were younger than my characters or anything I would write.
I finally learned that freedom as an author, or any creator, is the ability to be who you are and to write what is important to you--to write without any other person's morals or piccadilloes in my head. I already have enough of those just to deal with myself.
I hope you get this word out to many more authors and help them find their own freedom.
Well said! We put such limits on ourselves just from pre-conceived notions of what others might think 'if'. This is a refreshing reminder. Thank you!
Loved Phee! The challenges she faces and the creativity she came up with to deal with them was amazing. I'll say no more so I'm not a spoiler if you haven't read the story.
I love Dolly Parton's spunk and while I hadn't heard that quote you included, it does sum up her life as I know if from the outside.
Maggie,
I love that this resonated with you too! And that you've found your way through to the other side.
Thank you for your kind words ❤️
Even after living and processing through it, I still need the reminder too :) Some of those toxic layers run deep!
Thank you! I adored writing Phee. She was such a fun, fascinating character. Picking up the story a decade after her trauma meant I got to walk in mid-way through her healing. She was at that functional part where we often think we've healed 'enough'. So many of us linger there and might never go beyond it. She was, in short, a total badass ;)
Oh my Goodness! Such a simple question: What do I want from this relationship? But one I've completely forgotten to ask about the most imprtant relationships in my life, the ones with my adult children. These have become a little tense, in once case due to over-anticipating the others needs, in the other, due to my failure to insist on boundaries. There is so much love, but without answering that key question, so much scope for distress.
Thank you Bethany for your very thought-provoking post.
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