Raising the Bar on Romance

 By Pamela Cowan

According to the results of an online search, "being romantic" can be defined as expressing love and dedication in a way that's intentional, unmistakable, and deeply affectionate.

Well . . . I'm in trouble.

In fact, I may be the least romantic person you know. I'm not sure why. It may have something to do with being raised by a stern military father and a somewhat old-fashioned mother, neither of whom believed in sticky emotionalism or displays of public affection. I did see my parents kiss once. I was 15 years old!

Left to me, my life would be sadly and glaringly absent of romantic gestures. Luckily, it hasn't been left to me. As in many marriages, one partner is weak and the other strong, I talk. My husband barely speaks. I spend. He saves. I plan. He takes action.

You get the idea. We are Yin and Yang, and that includes romantic gestures.

An example of this was our first Valentine's Day together. I went to his apartment after work to find he had drawn a bath for me, complete with floating scented candles that made the water shimmer. On the counter between the sinks sat a brand new white towel, rolled up just so and topped with fresh rose.

After my bath, I slipped into a waiting robe and padded to the dining room. To my surprise, an exquisite five-course meal had been planned and executed. After dessert I was gifted a stainless-steel heart. Since that day, it's been an annual Valentine's Day tradition that he presents me with a heart made from a different material.

Of course I bragged to our friends, not realizing that I was the only one with a deficit in this area. Many of them have begged my husband to stop, telling him he has set the bar too high. He has adamantly ignored them. 

Here is a partial list of romantic gestures I've received:

• A brick chiseled with our names and marriage date that was set in Pioneer Courthouse Square in downtown Portland, Oregon. It served as a connection near the place we lived and worked for nearly 30 years.
• My collection of Valentine's Hearts includes those made of crystal, wood, fabric, wax, and ceramic
• A subscription to the logic puzzle magazines I love and can never find on the newsstand
• Online watercolor painting lessons with a fantastic artist
• A meteor pendant to recognize my love of astronomy and space exploration
• An acre of land on the moon
• Renting the vacation place where we spent our one-night honeymoon years ago
• Thai cooking classes taken as a couple
• Washing the dishes when it's my turn
• Warming up my car for me when it's cold.
• A ring carved from a branch of the tree that grew at the first place we lived together
• Every time we've moved, my husband digs up the rose bushes and replants them on the new property
• Since our wedding flowers were tulips, my husband stops at a local grower to bring home fresh tulips each week they're in season.

Some of these examples are grand gestures, others are purely practical. All have been special and demonstrated love and caring. I hope they inspire you, as they have me, to be better at expressing your affection.

I can now wholeheartedly endorse the online definition of "being romantic."

Pamela Cowan is an award-winning Pacific Northwest author, best known for her psychological thrillers and science fiction short stories. She has degrees in Communication and Organizational Psychology and spent most of her professional career in social services. An Army brat, Pam was born in Germany and moved with family 17 times before settling in Oregon, where she has steadfastly remained with her remarkably patient and supportive husband. She has two grown children and a wonderful granddaughter and hiking buddy.

Learn more at PamelaCowan.com