Things that Go Bump in the Night...and in the Day

By Robin Weaver

I’m guessing this month’s theme, Things that Go Bump in the Night, conjures up all sorts
of super spooky Halloween images: the price of gas, politicians trying to keep a promise, Simon Cowell’s botox, freezer burn, English peas…

Ooops! Alternate universe. I mean images of ghosts, goblins, and chain-saw killers.

For me though, the thing that goes bump in the night is…well, me. In my younger days, I was fairly coordinated. But since my eye surgery, I’ve become the ultimate klutz. 

For those of you who aren’t aware, when you have LASIK to eliminate the need for reading glasses, one eye gets corrected for near vision, the other for distance. What they don’t tell you is that your brain, which is responsible for 50% of your vision, doesn’t really like this visual AD/DC.  My gray matter wasn’t (and still isn’t) prepared for the change. Add in the correction of my stigmatism, for which my dear old noggin had already strained to correct, and you have one mixed up noddle.

I’m okay if I look straight ahead, but a brick slightly to my left, or a chair a little to my right…

And I’m a whole lotta screwed. In other words, my brain doesn’t believe my eyes. And the knees and toes pay the price.

But Google has a cure for everything right? So I went a-searching. Here’s the six things I found for clumsiness that should definitely get me back on the tightrope.

1. Slow things down.

Hello! Does Google think the world’s going to slow down so I can stay upright?

If anyone out there knows how to “slow things down,” please write a blog.

2. Stay organized. Having stuff all over the place gives you more of an opportunity to trip over something.

Well, thank you very much, Google. Let me get right on that. I should have time when I slow things down.

And it’s not like I only spill coffee and knock over a stack of oranges at home, so can you please pass this info to everyone else in my life, at work, and don’t forget the grocery store. Definitely tell those folks at Starbucks about not having stuff everywhere.

3. Pay attention to your environment.

Again Google—hellllooo!  Do you know how much environment we’re talking about?

4. Get your vision checked out.

Well, duh. This is how I became a lummox in the first place.

5. Try exercises that improve your balance.

I can stay in the tree pose for hours. Well, at least three minutes. And when I’m done, I usually knock my yogurt off the table.

6. Don't be hard on yourself.

Okay, I like this one. 😊

Despite the spills I leave in my wake, and the constantly bruised shins, I’d do it all again. Being able to read books, my phone, and my computer without searching for glasses…priceless!

Let’s all take it easy on ourselves. And have a graceful Halloween. 

Happy Boo’ing,

Robin