Advice… Maybe Not

By Robin Weaver

In my head, this month’s theme was Advice on Relationships. The actual theme is Tips on Relationships. Which is a really good thing, since nobody really wants advice. Nor does anyone actually  need advice (even from Nora Roberts or Michael Connelly).  Advice is preachy. Advice is controlling.

What we need is factual, relevant information so we can make our own decisions.

See what I just did? I’ve backed myself into an impossible corner. How can I possibly provide information that is appropriate for a blog audience with varied needs?  Any advice?

Kidding aside, I can’t provide info that will be all things to all people, or even some people. The best I can do is give you tips* for how I’ve coped during a decade of writing, hoping, and writing some more. I'll describe what has worked—and not worked—and hope you find one iota of inspiration. After all, having one person get something meaningful from the written word is every writer’s Mecca.

Here’s what I’ve done to keep my sanity (sort of) while writing and attempting to publish the novel that will get noticed.

 1.       I found myself a good critique group.  For non-authors, critique groups are still essential; everyone needs a sounding board for life events, career decisions, child rearing info, good restaurants (yes, I’m hungry), etc., etc. For non-author events, I call my critique group Friends and Family. These folks give me a lot of feedback; even when I don’t ask for it. : )

a.       Don’t be offended by critique feedback. I expect feedback, not praise.

b.       If I am offended, I attempt to figure out why.

                                                               i.      Is it my ego? If the answer is “yes,” I get over myself.

                                                             ii.      Does the person doing the critique simply have a difference of opinion? If the answer is “yes,” I acknowledge the feedback and move on. Why acknowledge, you ask?  Because of the old adage: if enough people call you a goose, you should look for feathers.  If other people have the same criticism of my work (or life event), there may be more to the critique than a simple difference of opinion.  Upon hearing a criticism more than once, I go back to step i—is it ego? If not, I look for feathers. I do an honest, often raw, evaluation and a change usually results in a better paragraph/scene/chapter.

                                                           iii.      Am I having a bad day? If so, I put the critique aside and plan to review it the following day.

                                                           iv.      Is the criticism just mean?

1.       First time? Ignore it. It’s possible the person providing the critique was having a bad day.

2.       Recurring? Maybe reconsider the composition of your critique group.

2.       I kept my day job.  For me, this was a no-brainer since I actually like my day job.  But even if I weren’t so lucky, a non-writing career was important for numerous reasons:

a.       Writing can be stressful; I didn’t really need the additional stress of wondering how I’d pay for my groceries—especially now. Have you see the price of milk?

b.       The office environment provides an abundance of story ideas.

c.       I can always quit when I make it big. For you non-authors, this mean winning-the-lottery.  Actually, I think it’s the same for writers. 😊

3.       I counteracted boredom/frustration. For me, this means writing in multiple genres. In life and literature, doing something new or different always stimulates the old gray matter (by gray matter, I mean my brain, not the rest of me).

4.       I remembered my mantra: If life was fair, we’d all be stupid. As a writer, it’s all too easy to read a so-so best seller, or in some cases a “less-than-so-so” book and grow frustrated that we aren’t receiving the same success. It’s easy to lament, “Why them? Why aren’t people reading my book?”

When I find myself on the Woe-Is-Me Road, I remind myself writing is only one facet of my life and success is never measured by the NY Times (truly). Having a best seller also requires a lot more than good writing, and sometimes a lot of that “lot more” is simple luck. Hard work, marketing, and audience awareness are also essential, and I honestly haven’t done nearly enough of that. Still, doing the best I can is all I can do.

5.       Most important, I brought back the fun.

a.       It’s soooooooooooooo easy to fall into the deadlines/I must do this/I must do that trap.  Often, these deadlines and traps are self-imposed. I.E., “If I don’t get my novel done by D-Day, the editor/agent/Oprah won’t notice me.”  Thinking like this is stressful—possibly harmful.

Self-imposed hardships are also a problem in the non-author life. For instance: “If I don’t have as many Christmas lights as my neighbor, I’ll look like a loser.”

I know longer permit myself to think these thoughts. Odds are, missing that deadline is not the reason we’re not being noticed, and if you add another string of lights to your two-story house, your neighbor will simply add two more.  If she’s smart, she’ll also run an extension and plug into your outlet.  Actually, pretend I didn’t say that last part. 😊  But remember, not hanging more lights means you’ll have more time to make mulled wine.  If you share, guess who will be the most popular woman in the neighborhood?

b.       Another pitfall my past-self has fallen-into is writing for the market. Vampires were hot, so I pulled out all the fangs, even though a DNA researcher keep demanding I write her story.  Anyway, when my vamp story was finished—yep, you guessed it—editors had put the stake into bloodsuckers because the market was blooded—er, flooded.

Now, I write what I want to write.  Don’t get me wrong, if a publishing house offered me big bucks (ok, even slightly-below-average bucks), I’d pen the novel in type O. Until then, my work-reward system requires something more substantial. As for me, my reward is having fun while I write.  Note: Salted caramel and mulled wine also work.

Recently, I combined two of the above, and IMHO, derived some of my best writing.  My critique partners and I created a compilation of short stories.  The anthology is called Three Perspectives.  For each of our 12 stores, we give you the plot from the perspective of the victim, the villain, and the investigator. We had a blast, and in the process, re-energized our Woe-Is-Us selves.

 To summarize, do something that makes you happy.  Your writing—and your life—will be better. Apologies!! That sounded like advice!  I meant, When I do something that makes me happy…

*Kudos to Judith and Sarah for actually defining the theme as "Tips" on relationships--not Advice. :)

*Being old doesn’t mean feeble, and hiring a gutter cleaner is a waste of money, but sometimes vanity can be criminal.
*A perfectly-imperfect socialite only wants to be adored. Which is a bit difficult after she’s found sprawled on a toilet. Dead.
*An aspiring writer wants to write a bestseller, but her critique partners have other ideas. Has one of them plotted the perfect murder? Hers.
*A retired schoolteacher conceals her lifelong secret. Until someone discovers she has insured her life for $5 million. There’s only one thing to do. Kill her.
* Don’t go into the barn. The one you love the most might kick the life from you.

These are just a few of the 12 compelling whodunnit mysteries inside Three Perspectives. Each tale includes the point-of-view from the victim, the villain, and the investigator, and will keep you guessing to the very end. And possibly awake—long after your bedtime.