PHOBIAS - The Writer's (and Reader's) Best Friend

By Robin Weaver

Inspired by Ann Chaney

Have you ever written (or read about) a character who was simply too perfect? And let’s be honest… too perfect is simply a big ole yawn.

So what to do about Mr. (or Ms.) Too Boring to Live? Give him a phobia. Or two.

Nothing spices up a character like an irrational fear. Remember the TV character Monk? The brilliant man could envision the crime scene in a way that enable him to always catcht his crook. Without his OCD though, all that brilliance would have equated to whole lotta arrogance. And worse, a lotta sleep inducement.

Upon reading my first draft of Styrofoam Corpse, I realized Sheriff Casey Randolph, was just a bit too—well just too. The hunka-hunka needed a flaw. More important, he needed to stand out among all the other sheriffs in all those other small town whodunnit books. So I gave him a phobia about blood.  The sight of the red stuff had the man swooning like a Victorian heroine who’s lost her smelling salts. Which wasn’t a problem until he came across the first dead body in a formerly quiet little town. Then, the good sheriff not only had to solve a crime, he had to do so while hiding what he perceived as a sissy affliction.

Since phobias give characters depth and interest, I wondered what other weirdo fears I could give heroes and heroines. So… You guessed it. Google Time.

Yikes, now I’m thinking…Hammer time.  You can’t touch this... Can’t touch the crack in the sidewalk, banana peel, raindrop, or frog.

If you don’t remember M.C. Hammer, you’re thinking I’m a rather nutso.  Even so, all the things you can’t touch above are actual phobias. With actual long names—triskaidekaphobia, cibophobia, ombrophobia, and ranidaphobia. Thank you, Google.

Here’s some of the other bizarre phobias Google identified that I may include in future novels:

Eisoptrophobia – Fear of Mirrors.  Hmm, this happens to me every time I have a bad hair day. Sometimes even on a good hair day. Maybe this fear isn’t so irrational.

Myrmecophobia – Fear of Ants. Wait a sec. Anyone who’s ever encountered a fire ant bed would agree this fear isn’t irrational at all.

Ephebiphobia—Fear of Teenagers. Say what? Those of us who’ve survived post-puberty offspring could agree this horror is most rational.

Aerophobia – Fear of Fresh Air. According to my research blowing or fanning air on a person with this ailment causes muscle spasms and intense startled reactions. Not sure why this is a fear of “fresh” air.  If I’d named it, I might call this blowophobia.

Nomophobia – Fear of Being without a Smartphone.  Wow, I think everyone under the age of 25 has this affliction, and many who were born before Y2K are also affected. Who knew the ailment had a name? 

Alektophobia – Fear of Chickens.  Wow, just wow.  Chickens, especially hens guarding fertile eggs are quite vicious. As a kid, I suffered this—I will have to revive my chicken story in a future blog.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – Fear of Long Words. I kid you not, this is a real thing. ‘Nuff said.

Globophobia – Fear of Balloons. I am sooo going to use this one. {Evil Grin}. So much better than a fear of clowns, don’t cha think?

RobinDubbedOphobia – Fear of people who give weird names to phobias or even perfectly rational fears. Okay, I totally made this one up.  Still, don’t you worry about the folks who named these phobias?  What other plots are hatching in their crazy brains?

Whatever irrational fears you have—and I suspect we all have one, or twenty… Like being touched by a foot… with a toenail fungus.   Anyway, fear not! You are not alone. Your phobia simply makes you interesting.

Have a great fall. Unless you’re afraid of pumpkins…in that case, have a safe autumn.

Robin

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