The grief of losing a loved one, whether through death,
mental illness, drug addiction, or any other way, can be especially difficult
to cope with during the holidays. I decided to blog about some resources I
found to help me.
In their book, Giving
Sorrow Words: How to Cope with Grief and Get on with Your Life,
Candy Lightner and Nancy Hathaway share hundreds of pages of lived experience
and guidance. Ms. Lightner is Founder and President of We Save Lives and
Founder of Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
I found Ms. Lightner’s blog post entitled Coping
with Grief During the Holidays to be really helpful. Although her focus
is on grief for someone who has died, the advice applies to my situation for
the most part. My daughter is mentally ill, drug addicted and homeless
She begins by saying, “I would like to share some things I
have learned over the years that have helped me and those I work with who are
also grieving. Some of what I would like to share came from the grief
facilitating I have done, and even more when I was researching my book.”
Some of her suggestions may surprise you. For example: “Make
the most of symbolism.” You’ll have to read the post to find out what
she means.
David Kessler is one of the world’s foremost experts on
grief and loss. His latest book is Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage
of Grief. Mr. Kessler’s blog post, How to Cope with Grief During the
Holidays, includes tips for specific holidays from Chanukah to Father’s
Day. He recommends having a back-up plan for a holiday in case you find you can’t
handle the family dinner or the Christmas tree decorating party. He says that
often just knowing you have a backup plan is enough to get you through.
Whatever your situation, I hope you learned something useful
from my post. ~Sarah
8 comments:
I agree that holidays are hard having lost our mom early December 2018. She has been on my mind more than usual at Thanksgiving time. Trying to think positive about all the Thanksgivings we spent with her and Dad over the years.
Hugs to you Sarah and everyone else who is grieving especially this time of year.
Sarah, the tip I use most is "Have A Backup Plan". I've also become comfortable saying "I appreciate the invitation. I'm not able to attend" or words to that affect. Sending hugs to you and Chuck.
Thank you, Sarah. These resources are really helpful.
Losing someone close to a holiday makes future holidays especially hard, Diana. I try to focus on all the good times we celebrated together.
Judith, having a backup plan and being prepared to decline invitations is super helpful to me, too. Udually I don't have to use the backup plan. Just knowing it's there is enough.
Lynn, I'm glad you found my post helpful. Thank you for letting me know.
Sarah - thanks for the helpful post on resources. We each experience grief, whether it is recent, ongoing, or long ago. Having ways to deal with that sadness is so important. My sister passed away over 12 years ago, and in the summer. But this last week, reminders from out of nowhere have caused me to miss her terribly. I am still using now raggedy potholders that she gave me for Christmas over 20 years ago, but I can't bear to throw them away. Each time I lift a pot from the stove, it conjures up fun memories. Thinking of you and your daughter.
Great suggestions.
Post a Comment