Younger Men and Bolder Women By Melissa Yi

  

When I was in grade six, I asked my friends, "What's the worst age?" as we climbed the steps to our classroom.

"This one," one said.

The other agreed. "We're old enough to know, but too young to do anything."

I had to think about that. I was expecting an answer more like "202."

For me, eleven was a good age because I got to read a lot of books and eat bananas and Baby Bell cheese, although I'm happier now. I was more anxious when I was younger.

Would I get the highest marks? (Yes, but not past elementary school. High school and university bring all the most brilliant to the yard.)

Would I fall in love and get married? (Yes, to my high school sweetheart. Still love you, babe. Younger than me by three months, ha ha. Pic enclosed.)

Would we have children? (Yes, after shedding many tears.)

What would I DO when I grew up, like everyone was asking me?

That one's tougher. Med school interviews taught me that I couldn't say I wanted to be a doctor. What kind of doctor? What specialty? Academic or community?

Nowadays, the thing that brings me the most anxiety is my writing. Will it sell? Does anyone care? Aaargh!

This is especially hard on a platform like Kickstarter, where a) If you don't fund, you lose every penny, and b) Each cent is posted publicly. Humiliation (or gloating) complete.

 I'm doing something especially adventurous this time, too, with Cthulhu's Duo . I'm remixing H.P. Lovecraft in a medical thriller called Killing Me Sloth-LY, and offering a companion book of art and poems. So this could all be an expensive failure.

Some may question my morality too, since Lovecraft was considered racist even a century ago.

But my husband said, "It's hard to do something new without doing something risky."

For myself, it gives me great pleasure to set Cthulhu head to head against Dr. Hope Sze, a strong woman of colour who is not straight and who is firmly grounded in science as well as learning about the supernatural.

"H.P. Lovecraft is rolling in his grave right now," said our daughter.

Roll, H.P. Roll.

I have grown more confident over time. This is something my 11 y.o. self would enjoy. No wonder my friends joke about their dirty thirties and their F.U. forties and fifties.

I'm reading Romancing the Genre blog posts with interest. We need more older and honest role models! Here are some more pearls I've collected recently.

"I am the opposite of an overnight success. I am in my 80s and, for most part, I have been a slow-moving, long-term failure." Annie Korzen

    I'm 41. I have gray hairs and lines and scars because I have lived a life of joy, sorrow, pleasure, pain, early mornings, late nights, days on end without leaving the woods and days on end without leaving my couch. My skin has felt every kind of weather and my heart has known every emotion. I wear my life right out in sight and I am fucking proud of it.

    Embrace your face, loves. It's imperfect and it's perfectly yours.

@Littleyellowbike

 

If you can, please follow my campaign and the leap into unknown worlds with me (https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/melissayi/weird?ref=8nqjsx).

The earth needs bolder woman! And men and non-binary people!

Xoxox

Melissa