Real Life Makes Scary Scenes

Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction that honors pagan spiritual practices. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you do overcome obstacles and find your happily-ever-after.

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Scariest scene I’ve written?

I’ve actually written more than one scary-to-me scene. Each was difficult for me to write because they were based on my real life experiences. Thus, writing them brought back intense memories complete with flashbacks and more than a few nightmares.

While writing the scene in Sophia where she is followed up a dark trail by a man threatening sexual assault that was not the scariest because neither Sophia nor I were physically hurt. She however met “The One” while I just got safely to my car, locked the doors and drove off to write my report.

Scarier were the domestic violence scenes in Lily and Diana. As noted, I escaped the assault portrayed in Sophia but not domestic violence. And while my personal experiences were not exactly like Lily and Diana’s there was enough of my own reality in them to create anxiety and sleepless as I was writing those scenes.

The scariest chapter I wrote is also based on personal experiences. Names changed but actions not. I did have a client threaten to kill me with a knife when I took her children into protective custody. Later her court appointed attorney warned me to be vigilant and careful, never to doubt that if she saw me and she was in her car, she’d run me down.

No wonder then when roughly twenty years later, she found my phone number and began calling me, leaving threats. The old fears roared back. Once again I had nightmares and even hyper-vigilant.

I relived it all in writing about Lily’s experience, a mirror of my own. And the work she did? The resentment she felt? The routine she created to calm her anxiety? I did and felt it all. Perhaps not as intensely as when I was originally living it, but the emotions were strong enough that I had those flashbacks, woke up at night, went through the same routine I initially created. Check all doors and windows to confirm for the second, third or even fourth time that they were locked. Check that the fire extinguisher was next to my bed within easy reach.

What I did not do is change my phone number or practice moving my dresser in front of the stairs. Nor did I have to mentally prepare myself for being stabbed if she got into my house.

Never did I doubt that she would do her very best to kill me or my son or our dog, if she had a chance. Her rage had festered for well over twenty years. And it made no difference that her children were grown and had made lives for themselves including marriages built on love and trust. So when the oldest child told me her mother had died, I felt a profound sense of relief.

Why did I and do I include situations such as domestic violence, rape and child abuse in my stories? Because I write about the issues women encounter in real life. It was a revelation for me when I learned I was not alone. Those traumatic events that have a devastating and disastrous effect on previously normal lives are happening hundreds if not thousands of times a day around the world.

However that is only a small piece of why I write these stories. The most important reason is that I want women to see that while what they are feeling (hopeless, helpless, fearful, incompetent, etc.) is normal under the circumstances, there is hope.

There is something they can do.

My characters belong to a Sacred Women’s Circle where they are unconditionally accepted just as they are; unconditionally supported as they figure out how to move forward and unconditionally loved.

No one lives a life totally free from dangerous or at least unpleasant life experiences. It’s what we do with our lives afterwards that determines whether we will find peace with ourselves and in the world around us.

If you find yourself in a daunting place in your life, there are resources you can reach out to. And there are books you can read that may give you some ideas of how to move forward and escape the dangers in which you find yourself.

And I encourage you to look around and find a group of women who will join you in creating your own Sacred Women’s Circle, a place where you each are encouraged to share your hopes, dreams and nightmares. Where you will always be accepted, supported and loved no matter what your choices. As you’ll see when you read in Diana, leaving her marriage of 20 years was not easy. She persevered with the support of The Circle and found her happily-ever-after.

May you find peace and joy in your life.

You can find all of my books at your favorite e-book vendor. Be sure to ask your local library if you’d prefer to read my books through that resource.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshley.net

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2020 Judith Ashley

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time a woman was walking along a path gathering herbs. She hummed as she went about her work and at one point stood tall to stretch her back. The sun was out and she pushed the hood of her cloak back and for a moment paused and lifted her face to the warmth.

Unbeknownst to her, she was being watched. The man, the local priest, stood on an upper path. When she stretched her back, he felt a twinge of arousal. When she pushed her hood back, the twinge increased. When she lifted her face to the warmth of the sun, his arousal grew stronger. It was then he knew she was a witch, sent by the devil to lure him into sin.

What does this story have to do with our monthly topic Lost Arts, Found Art?

During The Burning Times (15^th – 17^th centuries) this scenario and others were played out to the point where in some villages virtually every woman including infants, toddlers, children and adults were hung or burned at the stake or in some other manner, murdered. In many cases these women were the Wise Women, the healers, mid-wives or women who owned their own property and were not subservient to men.

What’s important to note is that these women did nothing wrong or bad. In many cases they adhered to many of the “old ways.” They planted and harvested herbs according to pagan traditions. They followed the seasons honoring the turning of the wheel of life.

And to be fair, while I’ve watched the Canadian documentary The Burning Times, I’ve also done some additional research albeit on Google. There were areas in Europe where mostly men were accused and in some cases mostly children. There were also areas where there were virtually no cases of a “witch hunt.” While there are many theories about “who” and “why,” the skeptics and naysayers minimize or attempt to turn us away from what was lost.

Paty Jager’s Monday post talks about what happened to the Nez Perce who lost their spirituality when forced onto reservations and forced to accept Christianity.

And along the same lines, the collective “We” lost the old traditions. We lost human potential. We lost artists, healers, oral histories and thus wisdom.

While there are disputes that millions were “burned at the stake” even conservative estimates range from 50,000 to 200,000 victims over the centuries. Considering these victims had families, friends and neighbors, it is accurate to say that millions were affected by these witch hunts.

Can you imagine what it was like for the woman gathering herbs to return to her home, to be seized and accused of being a witch sent to seduce the local priest? What could she have ever said that would have been believed? And for those situations where the woman would have been raped? Again, she was sent by Satan to lure the man to sin. What would her defense have been? Who would have believed her?

And centuries later we are still paying a price. Women who speak up often become the target of ridicule, of suspicion, of hate. How dare she say anything about her past.

As a woman who graduated from high school in 1959, I can attest to the routine sexual harassment that most of us endured at that time. A boy who grabbed a girl’s breast was “just being a boy.” In my fifth grade health class, I was taught that it was My Responsibility if a boy “got out of line.” If that happened, I had done something wrong. If that was what I was taught, why would I have spoken up?

As a single mother who worked in a male dominated profession (law enforcement in the 1960’s), I know the price I paid to get along with and be accepted by my colleagues. The sexual innuendos, at times spoken to see if I’d squirm. The pats on my butt, the “accidental” brush against my breasts. Could I take it? I had rent to pay, food to purchase for my son and me.

As a woman who worked fifty years in social services with populations that spanned from nursery to nursing homes, I know the toll sexual and physical abuse, sexual and physical harassment and domestic violence takes on women and men. Part of our homeless problem is because women and men do not feel safe in shelters or adult care homes, or even in an apartment building (there are elevators and stairwells and they know from personal experience what horrors can happen when trapped there).

But most of all from all these experiences I know the price we all pay when

women in particular are targeted, blamed and not believed.

While what is happening on the national scene in the US affected this post, I am not talking about any one case or situation. I am talking about acknowledging that for centuries we have blamed women for some men’s sexual arousal, sexual fantasies, for some men's need for domination, control and power over others, over women.

We are at a crossroads once again where what we lost in The Burning Times can be found in present time.

The question is: Do We Want To?

To find your own answer, I encourage you to watch the Canadian documentary The Burning Times and also to read the book When God Was A Woman by Merlin Stone. And if you have a book you want to recommend, please do in the comments. What's important is to

Educate yourself.

Question what you’ve been told, been taught.

Ask yourself “Is it true?” “How do I know this to be true?” “What are my personal experiences?”

Yes, there are somethings we take on faith, but our history?

Something we can check out ourselves?

We owe it to not only ourselves but to our mothers, sisters, daughters, granddaughters and in my case, great granddaughter as well as all the women who came before to do the work, to do the research, to know the truth of our herstory.

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

You can find Judith’s books at all major e-retailers, some books stores and libraries.

Learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley