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08/12 – J.C. HAY – SF and SPACE OPERA ROMANCE

Friday, June 15, 2012

I Love Love, But Weddings? Ugh.

It never fails...

It's hilarious, actually.

Whenever I watch a movie about weddings, and the main character or best friend says something along the lines of, "I've been planning this day my whole life," I usually start laughing. A lot of my friends don't understand that just because I'm a romance author does not mean I've got traditional/typical romantic ideals. I've always been a little twisted and abnormal that way. Ha!

Once I've met that right someone, I want to elope. To save money, to prevent friends being insulted by my not asking them to be in the wedding (cuz I KNOW I'm not even that organized), and to...get on with the rest of our lives already.

Nowadays the questions that roll through my mind whenever I hear about weddings: why have weddings become so capitalized? Why has the wedding *INDUSTRY* become so huge at a time in which less and less relationships last?

My best friend didn't want anything big or expensive for her wedding. I told her about my vision--eloping and having a huge reception that I'd invite friends and family to. She and her hubby had a ceremony at the Justice of the Peace and a BBQ at a local lake. It was fun, intimate and very easy--pretty stress-free, actually.

A couple days later, I wrote her a letter. There are more times than not when a letter communicates what conversations cannot. I told her that love is love, and no matter where a wedding takes place it's special. That it takes courage to unflinchingly look into another person's eyes with such emotion--which is the key element that every wedding should have. And that I love her like a sister, therefore, her joy is my joy.

She keeps that letter tucked up into the visor in her car. So far her mother and her husband have both happened upon it, too. Both look at me differently now...

Small or large, expensive or frugal, wedding ceremonies should cater to the relationship. Am I into showing off a huge wedding cake or the bling on my dress? No. But some women need the celebration to be big.

What I wish for everyone at those special occasions, is that they never lose sight of the love. Take away the flowers, the clothes, the food and booze and family (singing some CRAZY karaoke), and you should still know...

It's ALL about the love.     

5 comments:

Judith Ashley said...

Very true - it is ALL about the love.

Diana Mcc. said...

"I've been planning for my wedding day my whole life." Sorry, but I think that is bunk. I agree with you, I'd have to laugh! The love is what's important. Not everyone can afford a big wedding, especially in this economy. Love is what will keep you together, not the expensive wedding. Just my two cents.

Paty Jager said...

Well said, Courtney! It's funny but I never really thought about a bridal gown or that kind of stuff until after I met my husband to be. Before that I wasn't even thinking marriage. I had plans to join the Peace Corps and see the world. Not all my plans panned out and when hubby entered my world we didn't talk wedding we talked about the future we would have together.

I agree the expense of the wedding does not make it a better marriage. I was so glad my daughters didn't believe in a lot of "stuff" either.

deanne said...

Hi Courtney... I loved your post; So much so I wanted to present a counter point...

Fast forward 13 years, when my husband and I fight over whose hair is blocking the shower drain... sometimes it is nice to remember that fuzzy sugar-coated beginning; the candles and flowers and music. And, for me, the vows.

When times are tough I know what it took to stand in front of that crowd and say those promises; the ones I said I would keep forever. I did, and I do, still. Sure, the romance of a big wedding is a ruse, but the celebration and the congregation (if I can use the word without its cross references) are real.

Real romance is 13 years down the road when you are on your hands and knees cleaning HIS hair out of the drain.

Sarah Raplee said...

I believe a wedding should be a meaningful celebration of a couple's love and commitment and the joining of two families (or two sets of friends and relatives.) For some, that means lots of people and a huge party; for others, a small, intimate affair - the variations are endless.

It sounds like your plans fit who you are and what you want, Courtney. That's important.

Deanne, you are so right about romance and the hair!