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| Judith Ashley |
Growing up, the women in my life who were not
relatives were teachers. When we got a television in the-50’s I remember Betty
Furness in the commercial for a kitchen product. Not sure if it was
Westinghouse, GE, Frigidaire…but I clearly remember her standing by the
appliance and telling all women watching about its features.
There were no women news anchors or reporters.
There were no women principles or superintendents in
the schools.
There were no women/girls sports in school.
I never saw a woman doctor or dentist until much
later in my life.
So where were the women who influenced me?
I had a couple of teachers, Mrs. Good and Miss
Hutchinson are names I remember but they were not the only women teachers I
admired, looked up to, and who influenced my decision to become a teacher. Do you
know how hard it is to learn to spell Llewellyn when you are in the first
grade?
The heroines in the books I read. The princess in
the tower waiting for her shining knight to rescue her (a lovely fantasy that
provided lots of day dreams but in my real life he’s not shown up … yet).
The real life heroines: Queen Elizabeth I, Queen
Victoria, Joan of Arc, Pocahontas come to mind. I remember reading Marie
Curie’s biography and crying at the end. She struggled in the male dominated
world of science and research. In some ways we’ve not progressed as far as I’d
like. Think the Lily Ledbetter Law…
Political heroines? Barbara Jordan, Barbara Boxer,
Nancy Pelosi, and other women who breached the all-male world of Congress as
well as local women in politics. My home town has had women mayors and my home
state has had a woman governor as well as women in other high ranking offices.
Then there is Hilary Clinton: a political spouse, a U.S. Senator, and currently
Secretary of State, and a former candidate for President of The United States.
Gloria Steinem and other women of the 70’s and 80’s
brought women’s issues into the headlines.
While I don’t remember her name, it was a woman who
founded MADD. Due to the efforts of that organization and the laws they’ve
championed, thousands of people are alive today.
While it is true I grew up in a male dominated world
(my career options were teacher, nurse, secretary, beautician, wife/mother),
there were women close to home whose influence I’ve come to appreciate. My
mother put her dreams on hold forever when she married my father. So many women
of her generation did because that was what was expected. It took me a very
long time to see the sacrifice she made for her husband’s career and her
children’s lives.
I’ve long-lived aunts (one is 103), who’ve shown me
through the daily living of their lives how to age with grace and gratitude.
I’ve friends who’ve overcome enormous odds in their
childhoods and adult lives to be special people because of or in spite of their
backgrounds.
And lastly, my granddaughters, age 16 and 22, influence
me by showing me a different world than the one I grew up in. They invite me
into their diverse, tolerant worlds where they see a bright future full of many
different options. Career choices? There is very little closed to them if they
want it and are willing to work for it. It isn’t unusual for me to wonder ‘what
if’ about my own life after spending time with them, listening to them chatter with
friends about their lives.
I find this time of year to be one of reflection –
grey cloudy days often with wind and rain – days to sit by a fire with a good
book or in front of the computer writing one. When I look back over my life I
see the influence of many women - at different times, through different
experiences, for different reasons. And I know my life is richer because of
them.
On this day (11/01/2012) I’m adding a P.S. to honor
a man who influenced my life in so many ways. Elmo B. Lambert died on
10/16/2012. He was 72. We shared the same birth date (the 19th) and
grew up listening to the same music. Severely injured when he was 20, confined
to a wheelchair, dependent on others for food, shelter, clothing, hygiene,
etc., he lived a full life in many ways. He was always focused on the people
around him and while, due to a head injury, his memory was very poor, he’d
remember the people who helped him and cared for him. His laugh was infectious
and even when his speech was intelligible, those of us around him would be
laughing with him. Elmo was my first private care management client, my first
ward as a professional guardian and over 31+ years, we formed a tight-knit
team. He taught me many things during our time together. I miss him as a person
and I miss all he stood for in my life. Rest In Peace, Elmo.
© 11/2012 Judith Ashley
6 comments:
We really have "come a long way, baby." Just last week I had to explain to my twenty-something daughter where the phrase gained popularity. It's so easy to forget how far we really have come--being in the IT industry, I remember going to a conference sponsored by Digital (I'm sure some of you remember DEC, right?) and being the only IT female in a room of over 100 attendees. Hopefully, we never go back there.
Things have really changed. I'm lucky to have been raised in a family where I was encouraged to do anything boys could do. When my dad insisted I change a flat tire on the car, I was so mad. But now I look back and realize - he helped me become the self-sufficient person I am today.
Robin, those may have been 'the days' but I agree, I don't want to go back to them. I was in law enforcement for a couple of years way back when (1960's) and worked in the women's section of the jail - the Only place a woman could work. I was also a classroom teacher when 90% were women and we were paid squat. $500 a month gross was considered good. When men came into the teaching profession, the wages went up. Why? Because men needed to be paid more so they could support a family. Somehow the reality that women also supported families was not an effective arguement for a living wage.
Hi Tam, Thanks for stopping by and sharing. My parents encouraged me to get my college degree which has been a long term blessing over the years. They also taught me to try for what I wanted...I was so disappointed in college when my advisor told me to change my major from history to english if I wanted to teach in high school. Why? Because men were hired to teach math, science, history And be the coaches. I'd be competing against male teacher/coaches and would lose. Fortunately I loved to read and switching my major to english was not a hardship but it was a disappointment.
I think knowing how to do things for ourselves is a gift we've been given by the people in our lives and given to ourselves when we put ourselves out there to learn something new. I will admit though I much prefer paying someone to change my car's oil and come and change a flat tire even though I may be able to do it.
We have, indeed, come a long way, baby!
Elmo sounds like a bright spirit. I'm sorry for your loss, Judith.
He was a force unto himself! and those of us who'd been a part of his life do miss him very much. I think of him daily but with far fewer tears.
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