By Shobhan Bantwal
Despite my 40-year-old arranged marriage and my conservative
childhood in small-town India,
I’m a hopeless romantic. Surprised? Why else would I write my India-centric stories
bubbling with drama, emotion, colorful ethnic characters, rich cultural elements,
and most importantly romance?
Contrary to popular belief, most modern Indian arranged
marriages are rooted in mutual liking and respect. Most couples have the choice
of rejection if they take an instant dislike to each other or have serious
doubts about a future together.
While many think a "romantic arranged marriage" is
a contradiction, I believe it is possible to have romance in a relationship
built on a practical foundation. In fact, when parents of potential brides and
grooms research suitable matches for their children, they invariably choose someone
with similar family values, and compatible economic, educational, and social
backgrounds.
But then again, falling in love and finding one's own soul-mate
can be such fun!
Some folks seem to view arranged marriage as a quaint and
antiquated custom of two strangers entering blindly into a loveless union
forced by their elders. Nonetheless, from personal experience and the examples amongst
my family and friends, I can safely say arranged love is the kind that may be slow
to ignite, mature, and stabilize, but it is an abiding love that often lasts a
lifetime. I call it “arranged love.”
In my humble opinion, romance is not always about roses,
champagne, and diamonds, although it does have a special appeal. Sometimes
being there for each other in sickness and health, through the ups and downs of
life, raising children, and sharing a few laughs is more precious than wine and
moonlight.
Besides, isn’t every marriage or long-term relationship a
gamble to some degree, no matter which way the partners meet? I have to confess
though, that my fiction is vastly different from my personal life. In my
stories, the hero and heroine fall in love, experience some wild adventures,
and often go against cultural dictates.
My latest book, The Reluctant Matchmaker, is
the story of a petite Indian-American woman, Meena, who falls in love with her
super-tall boss. Things get complicated when he requests her assistance in
finding a suitably tall bride for himself. So is Meena going to help him or
find some way to make him fall in love with her?
I would love to hear your thoughts on love and life-long
relationships.
5 comments:
Hi Shobhan, I think people in western countries have heard so much about the negative stereotypes that we don't realize there are many more happy arranged marriages than unhappy.
I love learning about Indian culture through your stories!
Thanks for the comment, Sarah. You're right in that the western stereotypical ideas can be rather negative, so arranged marriage gets a bad rap. And there are indeed some very coercive and unhappy arranged matches in India, but in general the more modern ones are between two educated adults who know what they want from the relationship and are willing to work towards making it a happy one.
I love the term "arranged love". Thank you for showing the realities of an arranged marriage. Not as dramatic but much more satisfying!
Thanks for the support, Judith. In my culture and age group, arranged love is the norm. Anything outside of that is considered rare or unusual, LOL...
Hi Shobhan,
Sorry I must have missed this when you originally posted it.
Great blog, I like the term arranged love. I write historicals so arranged marriages to consolidate family fortunes etc. are not uncommon.
Regards
Margaret
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