Romance in Arranged Marriage - Oxymoron or Possibility?

By Shobhan Bantwal

Despite my 40-year-old arranged marriage and my conservative childhood in small-town India, I’m a hopeless romantic. Surprised? Why else would I write my India-centric stories bubbling with drama, emotion, colorful ethnic characters, rich cultural elements, and most importantly romance?

Contrary to popular belief, most modern Indian arranged marriages are rooted in mutual liking and respect. Most couples have the choice of rejection if they take an instant dislike to each other or have serious doubts about a future together.

While many think a "romantic arranged marriage" is a contradiction, I believe it is possible to have romance in a relationship built on a practical foundation. In fact, when parents of potential brides and grooms research suitable matches for their children, they invariably choose someone with similar family values, and compatible economic, educational, and social backgrounds.

But then again, falling in love and finding one's own soul-mate can be such fun!

Some folks seem to view arranged marriage as a quaint and antiquated custom of two strangers entering blindly into a loveless union forced by their elders. Nonetheless, from personal experience and the examples amongst my family and friends, I can safely say arranged love is the kind that may be slow to ignite, mature, and stabilize, but it is an abiding love that often lasts a lifetime. I call it “arranged love.”

In my humble opinion, romance is not always about roses, champagne, and diamonds, although it does have a special appeal. Sometimes being there for each other in sickness and health, through the ups and downs of life, raising children, and sharing a few laughs is more precious than wine and moonlight.

Besides, isn’t every marriage or long-term relationship a gamble to some degree, no matter which way the partners meet? I have to confess though, that my fiction is vastly different from my personal life. In my stories, the hero and heroine fall in love, experience some wild adventures, and often go against cultural dictates.

My latest book, The Reluctant Matchmaker, is the story of a petite Indian-American woman, Meena, who falls in love with her super-tall boss. Things get complicated when he requests her assistance in finding a suitably tall bride for himself. So is Meena going to help him or find some way to make him fall in love with her?

I would love to hear your thoughts on love and life-long relationships.

You can reach me at my website: www.shobhanbantwal.com or my Facebook page.

Who Says Writing is Easy?

By Shobhan Bantwal

Don't all published writers occasionally come across people who assume that writing novels is simple? Most folks are really awed by the process, but I have met a few who seem to think writing a book is easy, and that publishers will line up at your door to buy it. And pay you a ton of money to boot! This naturally leads to the absurd assumption about huge advances and royalties.

When I tell such individuals how hard it is to write a novel, then find a reputable agent, and eventually sell one's work to a publisher, they look at me like I must be rather dim-witted because it took me a while to sell my first book. Only a fellow writer would understand the trials and tribulations of achieving that special and coveted status, the one labeled "published writer."

Sleepless nights, nail-biting, frustrated sighs, and even a few tears of anguish are all part of getting there. Then there are so many of us who have tough full-time jobs, families, and social obligations that demand attention, leaving very little time to write.

But then after completing the uphill climb to actually getting published there is yet another, steeper mountain to navigate: Marketing and Promotion. Personally I have found that promo and reader outreach are ten times harder than writing the book.

Of course one can hire a marketing consultant and/or a virtual assistant to handle some of the promotional work, but that has its limits too. A few fellow writers who hired high-priced PR agents have not sold any more books than the ones who had neither the budget nor the time for any fancy marketing tools.

While we all work hard as authors and try to find the most cost-efficient resources to publicize our books, it still feels like it is never enough.

So, is fiction writing any easier in today's self-publishing and e-publisher markets? With my limited technical abilities I am absolutely amazed at what some self-published writers have accomplished through Amazon and other avenues.

How many of you have found fame and fortune with these new trends? I would love to hear comments about how easy or challenging it has been for you to "arrive."

www.shobhanbantwal.com

Facebook page: www.facebook.com/ShobhanBantwal.author

Superstitions, Saris, Spices . . .

By Shobhan Bantwal

Growing up in a small rural town in India in the 1960s, I used to resent the fact that God had chosen to put me in a place that was about as exciting as plain boiled rice. Everyone knew everyone else and my father was the quintessential Indian 'Lord and Master.' My sisters and I were not allowed to date or even step out of the house after dark. The nuns in our super-strict Catholic school buried us in homework and left us no time for any fun activities.

However, many years later, after I had my old-fashioned arranged marriage and moved to the United States, I was amazed to discover that it was precisely my unusual and conservative upbringing that was of interest to many Americans. Eventually, when I became a fiction author, I also realized there is such abundant fodder for story ideas in my own culture that I rarely have to look beyond it. Saris, spices, superstitions, and quaint social customs have offered some great plots for my novels.

And speaking of superstitions in India, here are some examples: No cutting of hair or nails after sundown (bad luck); applying a spot of kohl on a baby's face (deflects the evil eye and protects the child); no placing salt directly into somebody's hand (potential for conflict between the giver and taker).

Matching the horoscopes of eligible boys and girls for matrimonial purposes is also rooted in superstition. Now this is one practice I really believe in. Why? Because my husband and I were matched that way forty years ago and we are still happily married. Almost everyone in my family who was married in this fashion is content in their marriage. There must be something to this horoscope business, right?

Then there are the saris and spices, a dynamic duo that adds color, heat, and an exotic component to an ethnic Indian romance. While the sari is considered a modest garment it can be one of the sexiest if worn low over the hips and matched with a revealing blouse. My book, The Sari Shop Widow (2009), generated the most sales amongst all my books, and I believe the title had something to with it.

Scenes that include food are always a wonderful way to introduce a foreign culture to readers. I often receive feedback from my readers asking for recipes of dishes I mention in my novels. Questions about Indian spices also come up from time to time. I find that rare ethnic elements are great topics to stimulate interest in potential readers.

 
Website: www.shobhanbantwal.com
Facebook page: www.facebook.com/ShobhanBantwal.author

Flirting with Fiction at Fifty

By Shobhan Bantwal

When I made the impulsive decision to start writing fiction at the ripe age of fifty, I knew it would be a serious challenge. I had never written anything more creative than school essays and the thesis for my master's degree. Nonetheless I had to start somewhere, so I began by writing articles and short stories about Indian-American immigrant experiences.

Much to my amazement, between 2002 and 2005, I successfully wrote over thirty articles for various Indian-American publications, and three of my short stories won awards/honors in fiction competitions.

But when it came to full-length novels, I had grave doubts. Would the mainstream American establishment be willing to accept stories that hinged on arranged marriage, dowry abuse, virgin brides and grooms, and male dominance? Would they even consider characters like compliant wives and mothers who, despite college degrees and flourishing careers of their own, catered happily to the men in their lives?

In spite of my trepidation I took a calculated risk by writing romantic fiction, a sub-genre that I branded "Bollywood-in-a-Book." I introduced serious social issues in contemporary India to American readers by weaving them into fun, romantic, entertaining tales.

After two frustrating years of agent-hunting I finally landed a great agent, Elaine Koster (now deceased), a publisher-turned-agent

who had published literary giants like Stephen King, Joyce Carol Oates, Erica Jong, and Khaled Hosseini. Fortunately she loved my "outside the box" fiction, and sold my debut book, The Dowry Bride, to Kensington Publishing in 2006.  More contracts by Kensington followed in quick succession, making it a total of six novels in six years.

I would love to hear about your own unique publishing stories.

www.shobhanbantwal.com

Facebook page: www.facebook.com/ShobhanBantwal.author