By: Marcia King-Gamble
www.lovemarcia.com
When asked what I do, and people learn that I’m a romance
writer, eyebrows shoot sky high. Sometimes there’s even a visible smirk.
Translation, this woman’s head is in the clouds; she’s not reality based. The irony of it is, I consider myself a romantic realist. Gotta love with both your head and heart.
“There’s no such thing,” many say, shaking the very same head they should be using to help make sound decisions.
Those who know me would agree that I am very realistic in matters of the heart. I believe in loving with both head and heart. Without using
both, you’re heading for disaster. Agreed, I'm no pushover and can be somewhat skeptical when actions don't match words, but that’s not because I don’t
believe in love. I do, I do. Love to me is an extension of friendship.
The qualities I look for in a friend,
are the same I look for in a lover, with
one exception; my heart needs to beat just a smidgen faster, and I need to feel a tingle somewhere down south. The below picture, is my friend who was torn with making a decision. Thankfully she used both head and heart. Today they are still married.
The cautious side of me won't rush into a situation without
knowing and examining all the facts. A man who abandoned a wife with a nursing baby, I would think long and hard about thrice. If you’re
coming on strong with the platitudes, I’m not falling for that stuff. I come from the school of show me, don’t tell
me, and I don't believe love conquers
all. I am also a firm believer when a situation is unhealthy or broken; a wise
person takes a step back. You might even make the tough decision to walk away. That is not
to say with some effort, and space, the issues can’t be resolved, and the
breakage mended. I do strongly believe that accepting, unacceptable behavior is
teaching people how to treat you.
Years ago, I was an online moderator for eHarmony; the online advice board, not the dating site. Participants could post globally and anonymously.
Frequently, it became a battle of the sexes. I learned Men are indeed from Mars and Women from Venus. After many years, the website was shut down for a
number of reasons. Through a stroke of fate, I ended up writing for Michael Fiore’s
Digital Romance Inc., even penning a column with a male friend, titled, "He Said,
She said." As to be expected, his views and opinions were often the direct opposite of mine.
That stint lasted
many years, and out of reading and responding to so many lovelorn stories, my
current Spicy Sunday column was born. For those readers unfamiliar with this
online column, it’s posted on my Facebook page on Sundays. https://www.facebook.com/MarciaKingGamble
Once a week, I post a different romantic challenge and ask my
readers how they would handle it. Many of the questions are sent to me anonymously;
though some I have experienced personally. At times it does become The Battle
of the Sexes, but I have learned and grown from the myriad of opinions and so
have my readers.
In any case, switching it up, between fiction and nonfiction
has benefited my writing immensely, and made me a better romance writer. When I
write male dialogue now, I have to think long and hard. Would my hero say that?
Would they really react that way? A woman might, a man never. My male characters are better developed. He
certainly isn’t thinking about his heart beating hard when he meets my heroine the first
time. Other parts of his anatomy are throbbing.
In my personal life, I’ve learned not to over think male comments.
Words I might consider a blow off, I now understand as the male way. This is
not to say that I’m confused if the language is demeaning or abusive. I don’t excuse abuse. I run away.
Some of the male/female communication issues may have to do with girl
babies developing speech and language faster. This continues through adulthood. Men, on the
other hand, tend to be literal beings. They get to the point with no fluffing.
Diplomacy is usually not the male way.
So when my long winded question receives a one word answer, rather than
sulk, I shrug and keep it moving.
What writing about relationships has done for me is made me
a better partner. I am able to meld what
I’ve learned from writing advice columns into writing my fiction books. And in my personal life, I look for a
person who has all the attributes of a best friend, but still makes my breath
hitch. You should too.
About Marcia
King-Gamble
Romance writer, Marcia
King-Gamble originally hails from a sunny Caribbean island where the sky and
ocean are the same mesmerizing shade of blue. This travel industry executive
and current world traveler has spent most of life in the United States. A
National Bestselling author, Marcia has penned over 34 books and 8 novellas.
Her free time is spent at the gym, traveling to exotic locales, and caring for
her animal family.
Visit Marcia at
www.lovemarcia.com or “friend” her on Facebook:http://bit.ly/1MlnrIS
Be sure to join her
mailing list.
8 comments:
Marcia, I agree that if one works in the non-fiction side of relationships/romance, it does strengthen how we write. As I often follow your "Spicy Sunday Question" (although I don't always comment), I can see that you get a wealth of perspective from both men and women.
Thanks Judith for popping in and supporting Spicy Sunday. What I have always found interesting is that people respond based on what's going on in their lives.
I love this! As I love everything you write. Spicy Sunday is a "don't miss it" for me.
Thank you, Kathleen, the admiration is mutual, and you a welcomed addition to my Spicy Sunday column. Your advice and comments are usually on par with mine.
Wow, Marcia! I've learned something really interesting about you doing all that advice column work. What an interesting past. I agree with you 100% about a solid friendship with a hitch in your break for the best romantic relationship.
Your Spicy Sunday column sounds interesting. I'll have to check it out. I do wish I'd seen the ones you did in the past that represented your POV and that of a man. It still amazes me that the man-woman dichotomy of thought and processing emotion is so embedded in our society. Even with progress in gender expectations it seems so much harder to bring them closer. I'm beginning to wonder if there is more of a biological imperative than we recognize.
In my long ago single, dating life whenever I met a man who communicated in the way I dreamed in a relationship he was gay or still questioning. I ended up with a good number of gay friends back then.
When I met my husband he communicated beautifully--in writing. He was a writer for Time-Life books when we met and we lived 300 miles apart so most of our initial courting was via email with a once every 4 to 6 weeks meeting somewhere midway between our homes.
He is quite the beautiful communicator when he has time to think through his thoughts and work them out in written form. However, face-to-face he is much more typical male when challenges or frustrations come along. Something breaks down in the need for immediacy of thought, reaction, or explanation in person.
Great article!
I did not know you have been an advice columnist, Marcia! I can totally see you doing it, though. You've had an interesting life and have known so many people, and you know what you believe and have the necessary confidence plus the ability to listen. I have dropped in on your Spicy Sunday FB Posts and found them interesting and informative.
Great post!
Marcia, I enjoyed learning more about you and will be checking out your Spicy Sunday Question.
Thanks for dropping me a note Paty, Maggie, Sarah. Fu but I think of my various relationship writing stints as more like opinion columns as opposed to advice columns.
Maggie, I especially enjoyed you sharing why you fell for your husband. Sarah lurk all you want and Paty Spicy Sunday would love to have you.
Warmly,
Marcia
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