I’m Judith Ashley, author
of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction
that honors pagan spiritual practices. My stories show you what life could be
like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted,
supported and loved. And where, with this support, you do overcome obstacles and
find your happily-ever-after.
Welcome to a discussion or more
accurately a Blog-Versation on Romance Novels as
Therapy.
As an author, how do you show
(consciously or intuitively) your readers ways to manage/handle/deal with negative
or abusive relationships? Or perhaps you show your readers ways to enhance a
relationship from okay to outstanding?
As a reader, what book(s) have
you read that helped you find a solution to a relationship problem in your
life?
And the third perspective
applies to author or reader. When have you used reading romance novels to
support you through a difficult life experience?
I’m so excited to have this
Blog-Versation with you.
I'll be watching for your comments, so please leave one or more. After all this is a 'discussion'.
23 comments:
When I posted this Thursday afternoon, I set it up so someone could comment before I did. RTG is an international or global blog so we have members who are in Australia, Canada, UK and across the US (Maine to Oregon with a few stops in between).
A bit about me. My first memories of reading romance novels is in 1997 and 1998 when my dad was ill, diagnosed with cancer, underwent treatment and eventually died. Before that I'd mainly read psychological thriller-type books (The Godfather, all of Tom Clancy, Self-Actualization, Spiritual Growth, etc.). Supporting my dad through his diagnosis, treatment and passing as well as my mom and brothers did not leave me any bandwidth to learn and grow much less be analytical. I found a Nora Roberts book in the hospital gift shop and that was the end of my beginning.
My dad died in March 1998 and in December of that year I joined The Wild Women Writers with the dream of turning a workshop I'd created and taught in the very early 1980's into a book. Scroll down to see my post from yesterday which is about that journey! Writing that book didn't happen but that's when "The Sacred Women's Circle" was born. I did write those books to show readers that one can recover from, heal, grow from traumatic life events and have a great life (happily-ever-after). I've even had feedback from a couple of readers who shared they got inspiration for handling a life problem from my books.
Last but not least, while I cannot point to one book or author and say "I learned how to or not to...in a relationship" I can say that I became clearer on what I want in a relationship and the importance of not "settling". At lest for me being slightly miserable in an unsatisfying relationship is worse than being in no relationship at all. I'm not talking about the normal ups and down but a constant low-level underlying dissatisfaction with the relationship in general. And that is true for me whether it is a significant other/spouse or friend.
How about you? What do you have to say about reading romance and the impact on your life? Please share!
I've read romance for many years. Sometimes it's just for fun, but there have been times when I needed something positive and hopeful in my life, and reading romance did that for me.
I've also heard stories of people writing or reading romance to get through tough times. It's true that romance can save lives.
Lynn, I've also heard people talk about getting through tough times because they had a book to read that they knew had a happy ending. I'm currently reading a romance for fun and to show me that love can heal and even in the darkest night, we can do more than survive. We can thrive. Thanks for stopping by and I'm looking forward to your Blog-Versation next weekend featuring YA stories and romance.
Judith,
I must say that reading in general is a great way to distract myself from the Pandemic and isolation that we are all going through. As far as learning something from romance books , I guess the only thing I can think of is I love happy endings! So reading romance is uplifting. Especially reading at night, I like a good love story mainly regency.
When my mom was so ill the last two months of her life I couldn't read anything. I couldn't concentrate. For several months after she passed I couldn't read.
Now I read every day! Romance at night and thrillers, paranormal or sci=fi in the day time. Great post.
Diana, you are braver than I am. The only paranormal I've read are your's and Sarah's light paranormal. Thrillers? Not anymore, even in daylight. One of the reasons I love my "keeper books" is that I can reread them when I've very few functioning brain cells due to exhaustion or stress and it doesn't matter that I can't concentrate. Glad you are back reading!
I read romance for the uplifting benefits. I used to read suspense and other genres, but now it is almost all romance. The world is too crazy to read reality - unless it is the reality of finding true love. For me the happily-ever-after of a romance, even when it has a bit of suspense or real life gritty situations thrown in is what motivates me to stick to the overarching romance genre. I know, in the end, there will be happiness. I would say when I switched to romance only was when I was working for a rape crisis center. I needed to keep my center and optimism, so I read romance, and now write it. And these days, I read ALL the time when I'm not writing or watching romance movies :-) Right now, the world is too crazy.
Deb, you picked the right time in your life to become a "romance only" reader. Working for a rape crisis center is one job I've not had. I can truly imagine the importance of being able to lose yourself in the promise all romances have of a happily-ever-after.
Having a world to escape to where I can experience the thrills and chills, and the fun and adventure of falling in love, knowing problems will be overcome, lessons will be learned, and a happy ending will be earned, gives me a safe space to use as a retreat when I need one. Knowing I will be uplifted in the end makes the story journey worthwhile.
Romance novels are therapeutic because they help reset my perspective and/or mood when life gets overwhelming.
As an author of romance, I adore romance stories. I read every night for at least an hour, and love the way romance stories are always uplifting.
The one thing we can say for sure in this topsy-turvy world we live in at the moment is we are guaranteed of a happy ending in every romance.
There's not much else where we can say that.
Great post!
I turn to romance novels as a means to escape into a world where love conquers all, or at least enough for happiness. Life isn't perfect but if you're lucky to find your mate, then life is good.
Sarah, I agree that "reset button" that comes with reading romance is priceless. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Cheryl, Love your routine. I'm not as good about reading every night but the books I do pick up to read are romance. Sending a shout out to everyone who reads this to check out your website! 2020 has been and continues to be a busy year for you. Congratulations!!! www.cheryl-wright.com
Luanna, I used to work in domestic and international adoptions and thus did Home Studies for families wanting to adopt. What was/is important is that the dynamics in the relationship work for the couple and that they had problem-solving and communication skills. They didn't have to be mine, but they had to have a way of talking through challenges.
Folks here's another author for you to check out!
http://www.luannastewart.com
I'm a day late in acknowledging these authors of romance who've stopped by and shared their thoughts. Anyone reading through even though not commenting, check out these websites if you don't already know these authors.
https://lynnlovegreen.com/
https://dianamccollum.weebly.com/
https://www.delsoralowe.com/
Yes, you will have to copy and paste because I do not know how to make these live links. Well worth your time to do so!
Love the conversational style here. The first romances I read were my mothers Harlequin Book Club books when I was a teenager. That was in the mid 1960's. I particularly loved the gothic romances of Victoria Holt (yes, she started with Harlequin). For a very long time I wanted to be a governess to a rich single parent so I could marry him. :)
There was a period between 21 and about 45 when I didn't read romance. I read a lot of SF then looking for the far future solving our world's problems. When I returned to romance, I wanted romances that reflected real-life challenges in finding love and keeping it. I no long believed in that instant-attraction concept where chemistry overruled thinking. When I started writing romances at age 50 that was also what I decided to write. I have had readers write to me who have faced some of the situations I write about--rape recovery, emotional violence, sticking to values even when it's highly unpopular--tell me they see how hard work pays off. I do love the happily-ever-after of romance and even my SF and Suspense must have a happy ending. If I'm in control, the world must be good in the end. :)
Thanks for stopping by, Maggie. Sarah and I love planning at least a couple of Blog-Versations a year because we, too, love the conversational style.
For anyone reading this post, do consider purchasing and reading Maggie's Sweetwater Canyon stories. She really does believe in everyone being able to overcome traumatic events, heal and find a happily-ever-after. You can learn more about Maggie at her website. Here's the link! https://maggielynch.com/
I started reading Mills & Boon books at about age 6. I would hide them under the mattress, though at that time they had no sex in them. The bar though, was set high as to what I wanted in a partner. I wanted that white or black knight to sweep me off my feet, and we'd gallop off into the sunset together.
When I started writing, the only genre that interested me was romance. Romance was "feel good." Romance was about forever love, all of which I believe in and still believe in.
Ironically, writing romance got me through a stressful divorce. But here I am, years later still reading and writing romance, and still a believer of endless love. Sigh!
Marcia, one of my fantasies is for that knight in shining armor astride his magnificent steed galloping to my front door. Of course having that happen in Portland, OR in real life is totally unrealistic ... and at this point in my life, I'm not sure what I'd do?
So glad you are still reading and writing romance!
Dear Readers, don't forget to check out Marcia's website. Here's the link to give you a head start! http://www.lovemarcia.com/
Some of the romance books I like to read are Romantic Suspense. There is always a "problem" to be solved. The hero and heroine have far greater problems than I do in this pandemic world, so it takes me out of my everyday life and makes my brain THINK about their problems and how to solve them. In the end, there is, if not a happily ever after, at least a satisfying ending.
Great conversation!
Good point, Diana. I can read more suspense in a story that is set in "olden times" earlier than WWI. Contemporary novels are more difficult. I appreciate when authors give warnings so I know to only read in daylight or I'm prepared to not even read the scene(s).
I'm only willing to go through so much angst to get to the HEA these days especially.
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