Creative life and mojo at 40 plus

By Cassandra O'Leary

Author's Note: I first wrote this blog in 2016 when my debut novel was released. Now I have a few more draft books under my belt, but I'm still working on juggling work/life/health and getting more work completed. The current quarantine and home school situation just makes everything more complicated!

Creative life and mojo at 40 plus by Cassandra O’Leary

Have you found your creative mojo? I got back into creative writing about three years ago, and the impetus for me was the looming Big 4-0 deadline. I don’t know what it is about a significant birthday to light a fire under my butt, but it worked. I wanted to try writing a novel. A romance novel, since I had an idea revolving around relationships.

I did it, and I’ve kept writing and have already found some success. But you know what? I did it with very little support from people around me, apart from my fabulous husband.

As a woman ‘of a certain age’ i.e. forty one and three quarters, I loathe the assumptions that go with being a woman at this stage of life, let alone one who wants to tackle a creative project or a career change.

Here’s a few crazy assumptions, just for starters:

- If you’re over about 30, you can’t start a brand new career because you’re probably ‘past it’.

- If you’re a woman, you’ll only be worried about ‘settling down’ and being married/having babies/buying shoes/raising cats/collecting kitchen accessories.

- If you’re interested in writing, you’ll only want to write (or read) ‘mummy blogs’ or ‘mummy porn’* (insert dismissive comment and raised eyebrows here).

- If you like to read, you’re probably 'only' reading romance novels, which as everyone knows are problematic or sexist or unrealistic or… (insert unfair assumption here).

- If you are a mum, a wife, and a part-time worker, a woman who enjoys fashion, or cooking, or wine, whatever, you can’t be anything else.

That’s it, done and dusted, get back in your box, woman. As Alicia Silverstone would say in the movie Clueless, “As if!”.

As someone who decided at the age of thirty eight to tackle creative writing in a serious way, and who has gone at it with the tenacity of a multitasking mummy-ninja, I can tell you all of the above are such clichés they’re not even funny.

I believe I can achieve things. I’ve already had three distinct ‘careers’ and will probably have a couple more. I work hard and I’m always interested in learning something new. I am ‘settled’, married with kids, living a suburban life, but that’s not all I am. I like to read everything — news, think pieces, literary fiction, romance, science fiction, blogs, non-fiction. I enjoy reading light-hearted and romantic books, for entertainment.

I can be lots of things, and I will be, probably all at once. I’ve always believed, strangely enough, that I am a person. I am me. I’m good at writing, I love reading and thinking of creative ideas. Always have done, probably always will do. My age and my gender have nothing to do with it. It’s other people who have weird, narrow-minded opinions.

Just do it – time waits for no woman

Sure, I’m busy. Sure, I have young children. Sure, there’s never enough hours in the day to do all the things I need to do, let alone the things I want to do. But that’s life. It rushes by at supersonic speed while you’re busy doing the washing or cleaning the kitchen, until all of a sudden it’s getting hard to remember the things you always wanted to do, but never found time for.

The good news is those things you never had time for are still there in your head. At least the potential things are. I realised that nobody has time, that you have to make time to write if it’s important to you. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather look back and think that I’m proud to have worked hard and written a book, rather than spent all of that time vacuuming the rug.

All I needed to do was block out the negative voices and get started. For me, that internal decision was all it took. It was time. Time to start, time to get going, time to write.

If you’re thinking about writing — perhaps characters have whole conversations in your head over your morning coffee, or you overhear conversations in a cafe and you have to jot them down in a notebook, or you keep a journal — my advice is, just start.

Write something. Anything. Maybe it will be a poem, or a short story, or a romance novel. Maybe you’ll dive straight into the madness of writing a novel in a month during NaNoWriMo or enter a writing contest like I did. Whatever you write, you’ll have something that never existed before in the world. Your work, your thoughts.

Here’s the thing about starting — it’s exciting. It opens up your mind to possibilities you may not have considered before. You may find that you have a whole pile of ideas waiting, based on your life experiences and the stories of people around you. There are benefits to having a few years under your belt!

Creative work can keep you sane

An unexpected by-product of getting creative, for me, is staying sane in an increasingly crazy world. Connecting to inner thoughts and writing them down, taking quiet time-out to read away from television and other distractions or simply taking a walk and letting your mind unwind can all be helpful for your creativity. They can also help reduce stress and keep you mentally well.

As a mother of two young children, I’ve found this surprising and most welcome. Carving time out for myself and my creative work has made me calmer, more mentally present and aware. And my kids love giving me crazy story ideas! I still need to write that book about an undercover, secret brick…

Define your own success

Success doesn’t have to be defined by bestseller status or winning writing awards. Although if some awards were thrown in my general direction, I’d probably reach out and try to catch them.

But success can be defined in many ways, such as finishing a first draft of a book or a new piece of art. That’s something a lot of people will never achieve. Or the goal could be to get that book polished and submit it to a publisher. Maybe it could simply be showing a short story to some readers and having them enjoy your work.

And you never know what might happen. One day, someone might read your work (or see your art, whatever medium you work in) and absolutely love it. Seriously, it could happen.

Here I am, having written (almost) three novels and a few shorter works, taking a leap and jumping in head first to the world of book publishing and being an author. Wish me luck!

P.S. My kids didn’t starve and my husband didn’t leave me. But thanks for all the unsolicited comments and predictions of doom, naysayers and busybodies! #sarcasm

*P.P.S. I hate the term ‘mummy porn’ and believe it was invented by male book reviewers to belittle women writers who dare to write about sexual content…use that term in my presence at your peril!

ABOUT CASSANDRA O’LEARY

Cassandra O'Leary is a romance and romcom author, recovering corporate wordsmith and TV and film fangirl. She was the winner of the We Heart New Talent contest run by HarperCollins UK and her debut contemporary romance/romantic comedy novel, Girl on a Plane, released in 2016. She's also indie published shorter works including Heart Note: A Christmas romcom novella and Chocolate Truffle Kiss: A romcom novelette (now in Kindle Unlimited).  

Cassandra is a mother of two gorgeous, high-energy mini ninjas and wife to a spunky superhero. Living in Melbourne, Australia, she’s also travelled the world. If you want to send her to Italy or Spain on any food or wine tasting ‘research’ trips, that would be splendiferous.

Proud member of Romance Writers of Australia and the Melbourne Romance Writers Guild.

Read more at cassandraolearyauthor.com

Reading Outside The Square

By Cassandra O'Leary 
A couple of months ago I found myself in a reading rut. I had plenty of ebooks to read on my Kindle app, paperbacks I bought ages ago taking up space on my to be read pile, but nothing appealed to me. This was not cool. I'm a big reader...normally I love it for relaxation and enjoyment. But nothing was tickling my proverbial fancy.

As a contemporary romance and romantic comedy author, I'd found myself buying books in those genres almost automatically. I was reading them with a critical eye, working out whether I liked the balance of humour and more subtle character elements, whether the plot was interesting or how they snuck up on me with twists or surprises. Long story short, I was reading with the analytical mind of a writer and it was hurting my head.

I set myself a vague goal of reading some different books, outside my usual sub-genres. Guess what? I found some gems that not only impressed me from a writerly standpoint, but drew me into the story world unlike some of my other recent reads. I think the difference is the step back from my own work. Sometimes it's good to reinvigorate your love of reading just for the love of it.

Here's a short list of some of those books I've enjoyed most.

1. Psy Changling series by Nalini Singh

I'm currently reading Kiss of Snow, book 10 in this expansive paranormal romance/fantasy/sci fi series. So many people had recommended these books to me, knowing that I'm a Star Trek and science fiction fan from way back when. They were right! I should listen to my clever bookish friends.

I love the complexity of the world building in this series, with its contingent of alpha heroes from werewolf and leopard characters, strong heroines and an undercurrent of impending war. The strangely Silent Psy race who have contained their emotions and live almost entirely online, is an interesting take on our society's current reliance on technology. It's also a super sexy series filled with sexual tension...if you like that sort of thing. Hint: I do!

Psy Changling series info - nalinisingh.com/books/psychangeling-series

2. A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J Maas

This is an addictive new adult fantasy series with mythological and romantic elements. Powerful fae and demons rule a number of kingdoms, and our heroine (a human who later becomes immortal after she dies and is resurrected) must navigate a complex political landscape of rival courts.

This series sucked me right in, and I did not expect the changes the heroine brought about in her world through her actions in choosing, then leaving, a fairy mate. She's strong and relentless, weilds a sword and isn't afraid of monsters. Or if she is afraid, she goes out there and deals with them anyway. Now I'm about to start reading Maas's other series, Throne of Glass. I can't wait!

A Court of Thorns and Roses series info - sarahjmaas.com/court-of-thorns-and-roses

3. The Merridew Sisters series by Anne Gracie

This series is pure Regency fun, with a light touch of humour that I thoroughly enjoyed. Anne is an Aussie author I've had the pleasure of learning from, as I've attended a couple of her writing seminars. I just knew I would adore her books, from the moment I heard her speak about imbuing characters with depth, humour and heart but not forgetting to show their faults and flaws.



I started with The Perfect Rake, the first book in the series, and it's now a firm favourite. Highly recommended read for all the historical fans, or anyone who likes a well constructed story with a dishy hero.

The Merridew Sisters series info - www.annegracie.com/books/the-merridew-sisters


Anyway, I hope I've inspired others to read outside their usual box and grab a good read that sings in a completely different key.

About Cassandra O'Leary

Cassandra O'Leary is a romance and women's fiction author, communications specialist, avid reader, film and TV fangirl and admirer of pretty, shiny things. In 2015, Cassandra won the We Heart New Talent contest run by Avon Books/HarperCollins UK. Her debut novel, Girl on a Plane, was published in July 2016. Cassandra is a mother of two gorgeous, high-energy mini ninjas and wife to a spunky superhero. Living in Melbourne, Australia, she's also travelled the world. If you want to send her to Italy or Spain on any food or wine tasting 'research' trips, that would be splendiferous.

Read more at cassandraolearyauthor.com

This Is My Circus and These Are My Monkeys...

aka Balancing Writing With Having a Life

Have you ever felt completely discombobulated and out of whack with competing the demands of your writing and family life? Welcome to my world! I’m a writer, a freelance corporate communications specialist, wife to a jack of all trades type of bloke, and mother to two active (you might even say hyperactive) little boys who are constantly climbing trees or bouncing off the walls. Discombobulation is practically my middle name.

Balancing family responsibilities and writing, especially when working from home, can be difficult. In fact, it’s a constant juggle and it can be hard to get the balancing act just right. This is putting it mildly. To put it more bluntly, this is my circus, these are my monkeys, but they’re not very well trained and honestly some days I wonder why I joined the carnival at all.

Juggling all the balls

Lately I’ve been feeling as though I’m juggling balls, or maybe spinning plates and several of them have dropped. The thing is, they don’t drop quietly. They smash with an incredible noise into a billion itty bitty pieces, which someone also has to clean up. That someone would be me!

Keep those balls in the air!

My first blog for Romancing the Genres was a round-up on the fabulous Romance Writers of Australia conference in Brisbane. After a less than stellar start to 2017 from a creative writing perspective, after attending the conference I was inspired and switched-on, ready to forge ahead with an exciting new project.

Only I returned home from that conference to The House of Germs (™) a place where no-one could move, wipe their own noses or do anything except lie down and rest, or let the paracetamol do its job to ease the aches and pains. I was on nurse duty, 24x7 hours a day. Even on my birthday... *cue violins*

I did actually manage to get my blog post done for Romancing The Genres, but it was a race against time, as I could feel the fever overtaking me and the brain fog becoming thicker. A couple of days later I succumbed to the full lurgy and I couldn’t even concentrate on reading, let alone writing.

What I found was, it’s surprisingly difficult to maintain a regular writing habit or even compose an email when your whole household is under the weather. Even my poor husband succumbed to what was either a strain of the flu or a horribly determined respitory infection, since he was laid-up in bed for five whole days.

When the wheels fall off the wagon

Since my little boy started Prep (first year of school) at the beginning of this year, we've actually had three rounds of serious viruses/ear infections/chest infections. Add to that, the change in schedule and the time needed to help my little one settle into school, and I found my writing life veering off track.

Also, and this is no small thing, my own health is a bit wobbly. By that I mean, I have two autoimmune diseases and if I don’t watch my overall health including diet and stress-levels, I tend to get run down, exhausted and then sick. Add to that, my own descent into hell (ahem, I mean peri-menopause, with horrible monthly symptoms) and my new freelance business I’m trying to get off the ground...my creative writing stalled.

I'm fine...what do you mean I'm on fire?

I had grand plans to complete re-writing and editing on my second full-length novel this year. I even had a proper schedule written in advance. Only it didn’t turn out that way. That draft is still sitting there, waiting for editing with fresh eyes. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t see what needed to be done, or write the new scenes that are probably needed. Not with two kids who just swapped germs for what seemed like months.

After many months and a few doctors’ visits, I think I’m okay, the kids are okay, husband is okay. Fingers crossed.

Getting the show back on the road

I’ve been thinking about my situation for the past couple of months, often in between looking after little sickies or fighting through headaches and cramps of my own. I’ve realised I need to go with the flow and just do what I can, at least for now. I’ve started writing a novella, a shorter and more manageable piece of writing that I hope to actually finish!

I’m a hybrid author which means I’m both traditionally and independently published. My debut romantic comedy novel, Girl on a Plane, was published by HarperCollins UK in 2016, but I’ve also been experimenting with self-publishing shorter pieces.

Thinking about my current situation and lack of real mojo on the full-length novel editing front, I was keen to try something different. I also wanted a new product out in the market this year. That meant writing fresh. This has been great for me, to open up a new document and type words that I haven’t read a thousand times already.

I’ve been excited to brief a cover designer and contact a freelance editor and to set myself some tangible deadlines. My motivation has come flooding back. So what if it’s not a full length novel up next? I’m getting the show back on the road, getting back into a daily writing habit and still managing the daily juggle.

Tips for getting back in the swing

I’m working fast at the moment, aiming to complete a Christmas novella soon. In other words, I’m back on the trapeze and swinging!

Back in the swing...wheee!

Tips that helped me get back in the swing of writing are:

• Working on something fresh and new
• Making a nice cup of coffee or tea to get into the writing mood and sitting in a sunny spot with my laptop (not my cold office at the moment)
• Listening to songs from a new playlist before I start to write
• Writing in short bursts of about 30 minutes at a time, then taking a short break
• Mixing up creative writing with other tasks like folding clothes, cooking, anything to get up and walk around
• Setting a weekly word count target rather than daily because some days it’s just not happening
• Contacting an editor and setting a real, actual deadline!

P.S. I’ll have new release details next month if all goes well.

About Cassandra O’Leary

Cassandra O’Leary is a romance and women’s fiction author, communications specialist, avid reader, film and TV fangirl and admirer of pretty, shiny things.

In 2015, Cassandra won the We Heart New Talent contest run by Avon Books/HarperCollins UK. Her debut novel, Girl on a Plane, was published in July 2016. Cassandra was also a 2016 nominee for Best New Author in the AusRom Today Reader's Choice Awards, a 2015 finalist in the Lone Star writing contest, Northwest Houston Romance Writers of America, and a 2014 finalist in the First Kiss contest, Romance Writers of Australia.

Cassandra is mother of two gorgeous, high-energy mini ninjas and wife to a spunky superhero. Living in Melbourne, Australia, she’s also travelled the world. If you want to send her to Italy or Spain on any food or wine tasting ‘research’ trips, that would be splendiferous.

cassandraolearyauthor.com