Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction with light paranormal elements. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you make choices to overcome the darkest nights and choose love and light.
When I worked in child welfare and later in domestic and international
adoptions I became aware of the importance of time of the year. I was amazed at how many of the children with
whom I worked had traumatic events happen at the same time year after year
after year. The infant in Vietnam who was taken to the orphanage in the spring
and then adopted by a family in the United States or Europe and moved there one
or two years later---in the spring. And what would be confusing is that it is spring in Vietnam and fall in the US or Europe. Upheaval, the
loss of security and love has now occurred twice in this child’s life.
Following along, I could see behavioral issues every spring and fall. Add to
that the adoptive parents did not speak Vietnamese and the child, while have
receptive Vietnamese language did not have receptive English.
Seasonal Trauma Can Happen To Anyone
For some children I worked with, every placement happened around one of
the holidays. Those parents who paid attention to that background and talked to
the child, made adjustments to holiday gathering, etc. always had a better
outcome than those who continued to expect the child to make all the
adjustments.
To be clear, it doesn’t have to focus on traumatic events. Many of us
have fond memories of recurring events in our lives and we go through a
grieving process when they stop. I remember our family Christmas celebrations. My
mom started the baking in September/October. The hunt for the perfect Christmas
tree was An Event. I only missed one
Christmas and that was because I was too sick to get off the couch (it was
closer to the bathroom than my bed).
Do You Have A Death Month? I Do
I’ve written about my Dad’s last Christmas (December 1997) and the lengths we
all went to make it perfect for him.
Christmas 2001 was the last family Christmas. My mom died March 4th
2002.
Wonder why I'm even talking about last Christmases
in March? It is March 2023.
If you read this post on the first day it goes live, March 3, 2023, you’ll
know that I will be remembering family members who died or passed or crossed
over or transitioned (we have lots of words/phrases to mark this final life
event).
Jean Elizabeth
Rawson Johnson – March 25, 1918 - March 4, 2001 – mom
Margaret
(Marne) Rawson Gannon – December, 1919 - March 5, 2012 - aunt
Donald
Christian Johnson – September 19, 1917 - March 8, 1998 - dad
James Foster
Johnson – October 25, 1944 - March 26, 2004 - brother
Helen Foster
Rawson Kirshman – July 31, 1910 - April 1, 2015 – aunt
Some years I
struggle through my Death Month and
other years I seem to almost forget. I used to wonder what made the difference.
Now I just accept that there will be times when I remember and grieve and other
times when I remember and smile as the joy from the memories surrounds me.
Time has
passed and I have my own traditions that fill my heart. I celebrate the beauty
of Mother Earth most days. I focus on gratitude for what I have most days. I am
doing better at being mindful. And I’ve
become less upset with my “recovering independent high achiever” description.
It doesn’t mean I’m a failure only that it takes me longer to achieve and I may
not reach the higher marks…but then I said in my January post
that I would work on being kinder to
myself. That has translated into setting goals that take into consideration
where I am at this point in my life.
Choose I tell myself. Make it a conscious choice regardless of what it's about.
Choose to work a crossword puzzle instead
of doing a computer task.
Choose to have a piece of chocolate
instead of wishing I had a piece.
Choose to take on a task and be realistic
about how much I can do, how long it might take, etc.
At the end of the day, even in the darkest night, it is up to me to
choose love and light.
You can find all of my
books at your favorite e-book vendor. Be sure to ask your local library if
you’d prefer to read my books through that resource.
Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com
Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.
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© 2023 Judith Ashley
