Still SAD after all these years

 

It's the middle of December, 2025, and I feel overwhelmed.

I have dealt with SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, for nearly 40 years. I am repeating a post from 2020 because right now I feel a  little foggy.  Please forgive me for resurrecting this blog post. 

Seasonal affective Disorder (SAD) has probably been around since the beginning of humanity but it was not described until 1984 by Dr. Norman Rosenthal. SAD is a form of depression also known as seasonal adjustment disorder.


Thanks to artificial lights, the world is now active 24/7/365.  Humanity has lost a connection with the seasons and the rhythm of the days. For some of us, this is extremely bad news that can't be helped by holiday lights, no matter how bright or cheery. As an author, this was a period of disaster. I couldn't think. For someone who calls herself a good plotter, during my SAD times, I couldn't write a thing. Depression is a mind-eater. The only thing usable I accomplished during wintertime was an end-of-days short story back in 2012.

The problem

People with SAD often suffer from the associated depression for many years before they are diagnosed. Many are like me. I self-diagnosed long before 1984. One winter, when I was in my twenties, I went through a period of depression. I knew with absolute certainty that some nameless disaster was coming and All I could do was wait for the end. Coming out of that depression was a miracle that occurred around mid-March. I prayed I would never be that down again.


I went through this cycle three years running. By the fourth year, when the feeling of nameless terror arose again during the short, dark days of October, I remembered the pattern. I was finally able to tell my self that I just needed to wait for the equinox, mid-March. By the time days and nights were of equal length, the feeling would be gone and I could finally say, "Here comes the sun," in the words of the Beatles song. 

Estimates are that approximately 500,000 people in the US suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and around 10-20% of the US population suffer from milder forms of the disorder.


SAD can begin at any age. However it most commonly develops before the age of twenty-one. This form of depression is almost five times more likely to be found in women than in men. 


Many symptoms of SAD are similar to those associated with "ordinary" depression, such as anxiety, changes in mood and panic attacks.  Other symptoms include:

• Lack of energy for everyday tasks 
• Weakened immune system 
• Irritability 
• Inability to concentration 
• Overeating and weight gain 
• Alcohol and/or drug abuse
• Feelings of guilt and worry 
• Sleep problems 
• Reduced libido 
• Social and relationship problems

When light hits the retina in the back of the eye, messages are sent to the parts of the brain responsible for sleep, appetite, sex drive, mood and activity. If there's not enough light, these functions may slow down, or even stop. That may be one reason why those with blue-eyes seem more resistant to SAD. Blue eyes allow more light to get into their brains. 

Treatment for SAD involves exposure to artificial light from a light therapy box for an average of 2 hours each day. The light given off by the box mimics natural outdoor light and is at least 10 times the intensity of standard domestic lighting.

Needless to say, I have had one of these boxes for years. Unfortunately, it only helped a little. At least I no longer feared the world could end at any moment. I still had no will to write.

My doctor has also prescribed antidepressants. The light therapy alone barely held the unseen monster at bay. The combination does the trick. 2018 was the first time I tried the pills, and the result was amazing. This year, as soon as the first snow hit in October, I began taking my meds. No monsters at all. (Although getting out of bed in the mornings remains a problem.)

The biggest news for me is that with my lights and medicines, I can write in the winter. Yay!! Winter writing is still slower than during the summer months, I can't deny that. But I can now plot, Craft engaging dialog, even perform edits. And the story does not have to be about the end of days! Before, winter was a holding time. I might be able to think about a story, but not to write.

PS, for many sufferers, the worst is yet to come.

According to The Canadian Mental Health Association, January 19, is the most depressing day of the year. Not only because of dreary weather and lack of sunshine, but also because this is the time people start getting their bills from all that holiday shopping. It’s also the time where many give up on their new years resolutions.

Many people suffer from clynical depression. This is not the same as being depressed because of an external reason like a death in the family, or the loss of a job. Some sufferes are like me. We manage to function, barely, all the while desperatly wishing we were bears so we had an excuse for hybernation. It doesn't have to be from SAD, in fact the good thing about my form of depression was that there was an end in sight.

If any of you suffer from depression, I would like to hear your strategies for coping and remaining motivated to do things.  Don't be afraid to see a professional, it is not a disgrace or a weakness.  Don't let the holiday spirits of others war you down they way they sometimes did me.

And I wish you luck in your journey toward recovery.

A Path Back to Thankfulness - Alice Rosewell

What am I thankful for?

Part I.

I find this a difficult question to answer at the moment.

Of course, I am thankful for many things large and small; family, friends, a secure home, the NHS, being born in a time of antibiotics and vaccines in a country where a woman’s right to education and equality is taken for granted… But the pandemic has sucked all feelings of pleasure from my mind, and energy from my body; thankfulness has become an idea rather than a reality.

If that isn’t a description of depression, I don’t know what is.

So, if depression is on one side of the coin and thankfulness is on the other, how do I build thankfulness back into my life?

I was reminded of a book I read a couple of years ago which had a big impact on me at the time, but has been buried in a storage unit since I moved house just over a year ago.

The book, “Lost Connections” by Johann Hari, lists seven things we need to be connected to in order not to get depressed, so I went through them as a kind of therapy to try and reconnect with a life I am grateful for.

It was an extremely useful exercise and I recommend this book wholeheartedly to anyone who is trying to find a way through and out of depression. One of the Lost Connections struck me particularly: The natural world.

I have become a bit of a hermit over the last year, hardly even venturing into my garden; and there is no excuse for it. I have moved to an area where there are many places to walk. Woods, fields and riverbank are accessible from my front door and when we were restricted by law to only one hour a day, I did go out. With the restriction lifted, I constantly put it off and put it off until it got too late.

 

Part II

I took a break from writing at this point and my daughter called. She drove over and we went for a lovely walk in the sunshine, stopping for a cup of tea at a local café, and gathering blackberries and elderberries on the way home.

That evening I reviewed the things I am thankful for and these three stood out:

The eternal - to enjoy the seasons and feel connected to the yearly cycle of life.

The personal - to spend time with someone I love and who loves me, sharing news and ideas and plans.

The endeavours of others - everything from the person who made our tea at the café, to the authors of inspiring books and the inventors of technology.

 

And today, of course, I am thankful to this blog and the person whose inspired idea for this month’s theme set my feet back on the path to thankfulness.

 

My name is Alice Rosewell and I live in the city of Bristol in the South West of England (UK), the city where I was born.  I write in British English, so I hope that American readers will not be put off by British spelling of some words.

The first story I remember writing was at primary school, about the age of 7. This was followed by a dry spell which latest about 50 years during which I got through University, brought up a couple of kids, and had a successful career  in IT.

I had the outline of a story which I’d dreamed up one evening in the pub, but that sat in a folder for about a decade until I got made redundant for the 2nd time in one year! This event coincided with the Kindle becoming mainstream, and Indie publishing an option. I dusted off my few pages of ideas and got to work. For the last few years I have been writing contemporary women’s fiction, publishing three novels: Irrelevant Women, The Kite Makers, and my latest, An End to Dreaming.  A good friend described my writing as intriguing, uplifting, and will not give you nightmares!  I think that about sums it up.