Leaping for Love

I have to admit that I have a habit of leaping before I look.  When I was younger, I believed I could make anything happen and achieve any goal. Most ardently of all, I believed love would always triumph, no matter what circumstances stood in the way.  It's a great perspective for a romance writer to have, and I am still compelled to write my characters into a happy ending in all of my stories.  However, leaping before you look can also make for a life full of challenges.

One of the biggest leaps I've ever taken was to marry a man from another country. Don't get me wrong. It was a great decision, but it certainly didn't come without its difficulties.

Marrying a man from abroad may sound like a romantic prospect. I certainly thought so. I'd read books like Katie McAlister's Improper English or watch films like The Holiday and assume it was entirely reasonable, even simple, to find a beau from across the pond.  Indeed, between email, chat rooms, dating sites, and Skype, meeting and talking to people from around the world is a fairly simple prospect. As for falling in love and making a relationship work when you are separated by oceans, that is where things get a little tricky.

My husband is from Scotland and we talked, emailed, and visited many times before making the decision to marry.  Though we were in love and eager to enter into wedded bliss, the practical reality is that marriage is the only option for people from different countries who wish to be together - barring unlimited bank accounts or the ability to get a work visa. Visas are the bane of international love, though an understandable necessity in our bureaucratic world.  The normal US visitor visa period for a resident of the United Kingdom or European Union is 90 days.  At that point, whether they've found love or even married a US citizen, a UK visitor needs to return to Britain.

To us, the immigration process seemed interminably long.  We initially applied for our US fiance visa in July of 2010, final approval came in February 2011, and we married one month later. During eight months of waiting, we learned that international relationships require extraordinary commitment. My husband said at the time that he felt certain the process was so rigorous in order to weed out those couples who weren't really serious about being together.  I'm not sure bureaucracy works that way, but I know we both view our relationship differently because of the immigration experience. We appreciate togetherness more and feel grateful for a marriage that we spent so much time and effort to achieve. 

Leaping for love was the best decision I ever made, though it was also a difficult process that caused me to grow in unexpected ways.  I even learned a bit of patience - not one of my virtues.  These days, I usually take a little peek before I leap. I still leap, of course, but now I anticipate the challenges.

Go ahead, take a Leap....

It's been bought to my attention that 2012 is a leap year. Which got me thinking. Yes, those who know me can stop laughing, you know who you are!

When you say it's leap year most people will think that is the day women can ask men to marry them. At least that is what I was bought up to think.

These days I think of someone taking a leap in faith and trusting that the powers that be, whichever you may worship, will help and protect you.

My husband used to be a librarian, he lost his job and was working as a temp in different libraries in the state we lived at the time. Then 9-11 happened. Unfortunately, when people start cutting back for some insane reason libraries are the place they cut first. He ended up working in Barnes and Noble but the salary was not great. I had a good job but you can't live in New Jersey on a salary and a half. Not when your rent is $1000/month.

A friend and her husband had moved to Arizona and had been trying to convince us to join them. They had retreated with their campaign for a while but started again when my husband lost his job. I kept saying I would think about it. Then winter settled in with all it's glory. It was one of the worst winters up to that time. We had to shovel snow it seemed like every day. I fell twice and ended up with cortisone shots in my knees and elbow. One day, when a usually 20 minute drive took 90 minutes because of the snow and ice, I had enough. I said to my husband, "Lets do this!"

Now you have to understand that we were not spring chickens. I was 49 and my husband 47.

Needless to say our family and some of our friends thought we were insane. All I know is once we made the decision to move, everything fell into place. The only thing I requested was to wait until the birth of my youngest brother's first child. We left mid-May and took our time driving cross country. I saw whole areas of the country I thought I would never see. We stopped to see friends along the way. Memorial day weekend we arrived at our destination. We had planned to stay in a motel one more night but at that point I was tired of driving and just wanted to get there.

I remember as we drove into New Mexico and I looked at those wonderful mountains I turned to my husband and said, "I'm home". That feeling lasted into the next state and on to our destination. It remains that way even today eight years later. Oh yea, after writing and submitting for 12 years, I sold my first book in 2003. Six months after arriving here. We took a leap of faith and we are both so glad we did.