Showing posts with label acceptance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label acceptance. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 2, 2022

Re-Defining Strong Women


 By Robin Weaver

My crocodile brain had an issue with this month’s theme—strong women.  In an unbiased, diversity-accepting world, wouldn’t the theme be “Strong People?” Since we don’t inhabit that unbiased, diversity-accepting world, we unfortunately must promote the idea that women are strong.

The dictionary defines strong first as physical strength, but the second definition is: the capacity of an object to withstand great force or pressure. By that definition, women are the strongest creatures in the universe. I mean we have babies, for Goddess’s sake. Even the most fit he-man would crack with the first contraction.  This isn’t my opinion, it’s fact. How do I know? Because I cracked with the first contraction.

“Give me something for this pain!” I screamed.

In that moment, I grew even stronger because had I not been restrained (to be fair, I was only restrained by my
inability to get out of the fetal position), I would have crushed the windpipe of the man responsible for the black hole tearing my pelvis apart.

My point is, I was strong, not because I’m a woman, but because I had to be. That doesn’t give me a warm-fuzzy. But neither does it mean I’m not strong. IMO, it means we need to re-define the definition of strong.

Instead of withstanding that great force, maybe we need to become the force. Become a force for acceptance. Become a force that is intolerant only of bad behavior.

We celebrate Maggie Thatcher, Rosa Parks, and Jessie Diggins. (Note: for those of you without internet or who had no interest in the recent Olympics, Jessie Diggins and her teammate won the first ever U.S. gold medal in cross-country skiing.  If you’ve tried cross-country skiing, you know it ranks only a few places behind childbirth in physical torture.) It’s easy to celebrate the Maggies and the Rosas, i.e. women with newsworthy accomplishments, but perhaps it’s time we gave a shout-out to women, uh…I mean people with less glamorous strength. The hospice volunteers; the working mom who stays up late to bake cookies even though she has an important meeting the next morning; the woman who buys new shoes to help stimulate the economy (okay, maybe we’ll scratch this one); and, the friend who patiently listens to you complain, without judgment, even when you’re full of caca.

Perhaps the greatest definition of strength is being able to say, “Hey, I’m wrong.” Not only say it, but fix the wrong.

But, hey. I could be wrong about that.

May the force be with you.



Monday, April 27, 2020

An Unexpected Gift

By Courtney Pierce


My writing is an extension of me. Little did I know the positive effect being an author would have on the relationship with my family, especially with my older sister Debbie. We hadn't been particularly close since our teenage years. Life and careers got in the way and set us on parallel tracks. We saw each other at family birthday celebrations, but those visits amounted to only once or twice a year. We each lived in different states.

So was kismet, in a way, when I wrote my first book back in 2012. I had abandoned my corporate career to move back to Portland, Oregon to help my ailing parents, and so had Debbie. Back then, there was no shortage of family health dramas--heart attacks, cancer, emotional breakdowns--so immersing myself into writing a book seemed like a supremely selfish activity. The story had been percolating in me for quite some time. When I dove into the project in earnest, something quite unexpected happened.

My older sister rented an apartment only a couple of miles from my house. Debbie is a voracious reader, sometimes reading a novel every two days to fulfill her endless ivy-league smarts. I was thrilled that she wanted to be by my side through every step of the writing process: plot, character development, proofing, and publishing. It was a perfect partnership. 

As it turned out, my selfishness became more of a giving experience than I could've imagined.

I wrote every day in anticipation of my older sister’s arrival at four-thirty in the afternoon with
her box of pink wine. Debbie would sit at my kitchen island to read each chapter draft of my first book, STITCHES. This schedule soon became a predictable drill, except on Thursdays when she arrived with her laundry basket. First, she’d fill a water glass with crackling ice and lube the cubes in wine. Then she’d slap her pack of cigarettes on the granite counter top and park herself on the chair at the kitchen island. She'd reach over the counter to switch on the downdraft fan on the stovetop. Finally, her huge purse got a deep dig for a lighter and a thin red Sharpie.

“Whatcha got for me?” she’d say and light her cigarette. “Hit me up. I’m ready.” A ribbon of smoke inevitably escaped the suction of the fan.

I’d hand her a clipped stack of twenty or thirty pages, my days’ offering of frantic gray cell activity. She’d remain silent while I pulled one of three options out of freezer for dinner—fish, chicken or turkey. But I’d keep a peripheral  eye on my sister’s expression with each flip of the page. She’d smile, laugh, go quiet, or utter some undefinable sound. I didn’t really know what all those signals meant until she'd meet my gaze. Sometimes, her eyes were full of tears.

“Where are you now?” I’d say.

“I need the next chapter, dammit,” she’d say, and squeeze her eyes . “You’re torturing me.”

“Do you like it?” I’d give her glass a few fresh splashes of wine. “Should I keep writing?”

“Like I said, I need the next chapter.”

“Wanna eat?”

“Not yet.” Debbie would tap her demanding finger on the granite. “God, I wish I could do this.”

“Do what?”

“Write.”

“Okay. I’ll have another chapter or two for you tomorrow.”

“Not what I meant.”

"I know, but you are writing. This is how it works, only it's my story, not yours."

"Suppose."

And so it went for three-hundred pages. At the end of each session, we'd divert our attention to each other. It became up close and personal. What came out of the process was a reconciling of our childhood pain, laughing at our teenage antics, confronting the loss of our Dad, mourning the loss of our husbands, and rejecting the idea that we'd become orphans when our mom passed. The bond we had created between one another during that time could never be broken. We had always loved each other, but it took us reaching upper middle-age before we knew how much. The two of us, so different and so alike. Her DNA and mine were forever bonded by sticky words.

Sister relationships are inexplicable. We accept each other’s flaws without challenge, but those little bugaboos from our childhood stick in our hair like old gum. No one else knows about them, and we keep the secrets from everyone. Even in our sixties, we remember those details like the heartbreak of first loves, an exquisite fragrance, and the taste of our favorite foods.

That first book holds so much of my relationship with my sister, not so much in content but in the process. Only she could read between the lines of its themes of immortality, charity, magical realism, and tough justice for the bad guy. And now I’m drafting my seventh book, BIG SKY TALK. She hasn’t yet read a word of it. Debbie has transitioned from the slow-drip review process to wanting to read the finished product.

Debbie wanted to be a reader, plain and simple. She never told me what to write or how to write it. She just loves a good story. But I learned a few things about her too. My sister is a steel-belted marshmallow. Beneath her rough veneer of strength sits a mushy heart. 

Now that Debbie and I, once again, live in different states, I appreciate even more the time we spent together while I wrote that first book.

Being in quarantine in Montana is a writer’s dream. I go on long walks in the woods. Social distancing here means avoiding a Grizzly sow with three cubs on the hiking trail. Instead of a mask, I sport a canister of bear spray on my waist and a Glock in my chest holster. 

Debbie and I are both early risers. Our favorite time is talk early in the morning. Before the sun clears the peaks of the Swan Mountains, I step outside to call my sister in Oregon. My heart soars when I hear her voice. She’s close, but so far away.

“Where’s the manuscript for BIG SKY TALK?” Debbie said on a recent call.

“It’s a work in progress, and it might be a while,” I said. “I’m on chapter ten.”

“Hurry up. I want to read it."

"The research into understanding a different culture is intense. "

Without missing a beat, Debbie said, "I’ll bet you’re writing that book on a computer made in China.”

I smile. My sister, the CoVid-19 conspiracy theorist. “Oh yeah, I’m sure China implanted hacking chips in my laptop so they'll be able to read my book before you do.”

"They'd better not. I get the first read. Just make sure everything you buy is labelled 'Made in the USA'." 

We have a good laugh. Then we dive into the ridiculousness of the pandemic situation. I end the call with a sigh, my grip tight on the memory of Debbie sitting in my kitchen. As always, the conversation gives me pause, because she's right about so many things. And I didn't want it to end.


In the morning quiet that follows our call, I turn to enjoy the ducks cruising and splashing on the lake. Honks of gossipy geese punch the sky on their flyover, and right behind them a bald eagle glides low and silent on his hunt for breakfast. I'm always amazed at how far eagles can fly without a single flap of their long wings, moving like a Stealth Bomber. 

Special moments need to be appreciated by never letting them go. The morning connection with my sister inspires me to keep going, challenging me to make what I wrote yesterday much better.

Photo: Micah Brooks
Courtney Pierce is a fiction writer living in Kalispell, Montana with her husband, stepdaughter, and their brainiac cat, Princeton. Courtney writes for the baby boomer audience. She spent 28 years as an executive in the entertainment industry and used her time in a theater seat to create stories that are filled with heart, humor, and mystery. She studied craft and storytelling at the Attic Institute and has completed the Hawthorne Fellows Program for writing and publishing. Active in the writing community, Courtney is a board member of the Northwest Independent Writers Association and on the Advisory Council of the Independent Publishing Resource Center. She is a member of Willamette Writers, Pacific Northwest Writers Association, and She Writes. The Executrix received the Library Journal Self-E recommendation seal.

Print and E-books are available through most major online retailers, including Amazon.com.
Check out all of Courtney's books: 

courtney-pierce.com and windtreepress.com 

New York Times best-selling author Karen Karbo says, "Courtney Pierce spins a madcap tale of family grudges, sisterly love, unexpected romance, mysterious mobsters and dog love. Reading Indigo Lake is like drinking champagne with a chaser of Mountain Dew. Pure Delight."


Coming in 2020!

When Aubrey Cenderon moves to Montana after the death of her father, the peace and quiet of Big Sky Country becomes complicated with a knock on the door from the sheriff. An injured grizzly bear is on the loose and must be eliminated before it kills again. The sheriff's insistence that she buy a gun for protection will present Aubrey with some serious soul-searching, because the grizzly-on-the-run is hunting for her too . . . for a different reason.


Monday, August 18, 2014

Fender Bender Lesson in Gratitude

by Christy Carlyle

Life is filled with the unexpected. Just when we think we've got a rhythm, that we have the ins and outs of our days and weeks and months down pat, something comes along to knock us off balance. I think we all hope we'll deal with such occasions gracefully and learn whatever lesson the universe may be trying to impart. I know in my case, I usually react with too much emotion, a big dose of frustration, and then try to scrape and crawl and stumble my way toward grace.

After a cross country move that involved driving through ten states, my husband and I traded in our old car for a newer model in May. The car was fresh and shiny and we were scrupulous about trying to keep it clean, drive it carefully, avoid dings—all the things you do with a new car. Then a week or so ago, we were sitting at a drive through window waiting for our order when a guy in a truck slammed into the back of us, hitting us hard enough to imprint words from his license plate frame onto our bumper.

He wasn't injured and we weren't injured but I was supremely annoyed with the whole thing. Our car wasn't shiny and new anymore, and I knew dealing with the insurance company and body shop would eat up a good chunk of my time for the coming days. It would cut into my workday. It would consume my already meager writing time. My immediate reactions didn't include any of that grace I so yearn for.

In reality, calling the insurance company and visiting the body shop probably only took less than two hours total. Within a couple of days, we had  our car back and it looked just like it had the day we drove it off the dealership. We had a lot to be grateful for. I felt small and petty for being so bent out of shape about a fender bender that hardly bent our car.

So, yes, in a way I am grateful for that fender bender. The attitude of grace that eluded me finally came because our minor accident forced me to lift my head from the daily grind to deal with this little blip on the radar. And when I lifted my head, I realized that folks around me were dealing with problems and challenges and unexpected life events that couldn't be buffed out at the body shop. It was a lesson in gratitude and in humility.


Since the fender bender, I have been focusing on intentional gratitude, reminding myself to lift my head and look around at the needs of others, and realizing that those blips on our radar screens can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe it's okay for an unexpected event to slow us down now and then. Here's hoping next time I respond, from the get go, with a bit more grace. I'm still learning!