Relationships.
They are work! At times, a lot of work.
But worth
it when one persists in healthy living. I’ve been married now for almost forty
years. It’s been a long,
hard road. Not every marriage lasts that long.
Not every marriage is safe. Mine is. But for my niece, marriage proved fatal.
She
passed away in 2009.
Her
husband beat her to death and, thankfully, is in prison. He got a twenty-year
sentence–one that doesn’t always seem long enough. She lived a week on life
support before the decision had to be made to take her off, and she passed
within minutes.
I’m
sharing this with you because the first step in finding the right partner or
friend deals with discerning whether that individual is safe and free of abuse:
emotional, mental, sexual, financial, or physical.
Once you’ve found safety in that person, you can establish
healthy boundaries.
Have you
ever had that friend or partner who takes, takes, takes and rarely gives? The
one you have to call and hardly calls you, unless, of course, they want
something. The friend who has to have most everything their way?
Those are
the types of people you can be kind to, even show love and grace to, but they
are not the people you want in your inner circle.
The types
of friends and or the partner you want should be selfless and giving. They
should be able to understand and apply the meaning of give-and-take.
They
should be able to communicate, not pout or scream or threaten when things don’t
go their way. And yes, we all make mistakes, but I’m talking about habitual
behaviors.
Think about the friend you enjoy hanging with the most. What
do you like about that person? Why? How do they make you feel?
If they
make you feel like you don’t matter. Run.
If they
make you feel like things are your fault. Run.
If you
feel like their personal assistant and not a friend or partner - run.
If that
person tears you down emotionally and mentally. Run.
If that
person disrespects your beliefs and opinions. Run.
If that
person harms you in any way, for heaven’s sake, run like the dickens!
On the other hand…
If they make you feel important and
valuable. Nurture that relationship.
If you can disagree and respect each
other’s beliefs and opinions. Nurture that relationship.
If you have fun with that person, nurture that relationship.
If that
person encourages you, nurture that relationship.
If that
person is kind and giving, nurture that relationship.
Are you
seeing a pattern?
You need to
know you are valuable. You need to know you are worthy of a healthy relationship.
You need to
understand healthy boundaries will keep you safe mentally, emotionally, and physically
and are needed for any relationship.
Being
married for almost forty years has been tough. I was nineteen when I got
married. My husband and I had to learn healthy boundaries. We had to learn how
to communicate and respect each other’s beliefs and opinions.
Yes, it’s
been a struggle at times. But had been worth every lesson learned.
We decided
long ago, we’d stay married. And we have. All because we were open to
boundaries and healthy life choices.
What tips
for a healthy marriage or any healthy relationships can you offer? I’d love to
hear what you have to share. Do so in the comments for a chance to win a
digital copy of Captured Secrets.
Carmen’s
Latest Book – Captured Secrets
At some point, we have to release the
secrets that hold us captive.
After her parents die in a horrific car accident,
Sydney Moomaw is thrust into running their popular guest ranch in eastern
Washington. She discovers that her parents were keeping secrets. Sydney needs
to figure out a way to save the ranch she loves before her sister sells it.
Photographer Trey Hardy arrives at the ranch the same
day Sydney’s parents are killed. His working vacation plans change when he
decides to help Sydney save the ranch. But, his offers to help are met with
resistance.
Amid the tangle of finances, tensions with her sister,
and her own grief and anger, Sydney begins getting threatening notes. They must
be from her abusive ex-husband, but he’s in jail. Isn’t he?
About Carmen
Carmen Peone is an award-winning author of Young Adult and Contemporary Romance and lives in Northeast Washington and on the Colville Confederated Indian Reservation with her husband.
With the love of history and the western woman's
lifestyle, she weaves threads of hope, family, relationships, and faith into
her stories. With threads of romance.
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