Relationships by Carmen Peone

Relationships.

They are work! At times, a lot of work.

But worth it when one persists in healthy living. I’ve been married now for almost forty years. It’s been a long, hard road. Not every marriage lasts that long. Not every marriage is safe. Mine is. But for my niece, marriage proved fatal.

She passed away in 2009.

Her husband beat her to death and, thankfully, is in prison. He got a twenty-year sentence–one that doesn’t always seem long enough. She lived a week on life support before the decision had to be made to take her off, and she passed within minutes. 

I’m sharing this with you because the first step in finding the right partner or friend deals with discerning whether that individual is safe and free of abuse: emotional, mental, sexual, financial, or physical.

Once you’ve found safety in that person, you can establish healthy boundaries.

Have you ever had that friend or partner who takes, takes, takes and rarely gives? The one you have to call and hardly calls you, unless, of course, they want something. The friend who has to have most everything their way?

Those are the types of people you can be kind to, even show love and grace to, but they are not the people you want in your inner circle.

The types of friends and or the partner you want should be selfless and giving. They should be able to understand and apply the meaning of give-and-take.

They should be able to communicate, not pout or scream or threaten when things don’t go their way. And yes, we all make mistakes, but I’m talking about habitual behaviors.

Think about the friend you enjoy hanging with the most. What do you like about that person? Why? How do they make you feel?

If they make you feel like you don’t matter. Run.

If they make you feel like things are your fault. Run.

If you feel like their personal assistant and not a friend or partner - run.

If that person tears you down emotionally and mentally. Run.

If that person disrespects your beliefs and opinions. Run.

If that person harms you in any way, for heaven’s sake, run like the dickens!

On the other hand…

If they make you feel important and valuable. Nurture that relationship.

If you can disagree and respect each other’s beliefs and opinions. Nurture that relationship.

If you have fun with that person, nurture that relationship.

If that person encourages you, nurture that relationship.

If that person is kind and giving, nurture that relationship.

Are you seeing a pattern?

You need to know you are valuable. You need to know you are worthy of a healthy relationship.

You need to understand healthy boundaries will keep you safe mentally, emotionally, and physically and are needed for any relationship.

Being married for almost forty years has been tough. I was nineteen when I got married. My husband and I had to learn healthy boundaries. We had to learn how to communicate and respect each other’s beliefs and opinions.

Yes, it’s been a struggle at times. But had been worth every lesson learned.

We decided long ago, we’d stay married. And we have. All because we were open to boundaries and healthy life choices.

What tips for a healthy marriage or any healthy relationships can you offer? I’d love to hear what you have to share. Do so in the comments for a chance to win a digital copy of Captured Secrets.

Carmen’s Latest Book – Captured Secrets

At some point, we have to release the secrets that hold us captive.

After her parents die in a horrific car accident, Sydney Moomaw is thrust into running their popular guest ranch in eastern Washington. She discovers that her parents were keeping secrets. Sydney needs to figure out a way to save the ranch she loves before her sister sells it.

Photographer Trey Hardy arrives at the ranch the same day Sydney’s parents are killed. His working vacation plans change when he decides to help Sydney save the ranch. But, his offers to help are met with resistance.

Amid the tangle of finances, tensions with her sister, and her own grief and anger, Sydney begins getting threatening notes. They must be from her abusive ex-husband, but he’s in jail. Isn’t he?

https://bit.ly/3NXQF9v

 About Carmen

Carmen Peone is an award-winning author of Young Adult and Contemporary Romance and lives in Northeast Washington and on the Colville Confederated Indian Reservation with her husband.

With the love of history and the western woman's lifestyle, she weaves threads of hope, family, relationships, and faith into her stories. With threads of romance.

Website and Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest | BookBub | Goodreads

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photo source: depositphotos

Relationship Tips Through Song by Lynn Lovegreen

 

Since February is Romance Awareness Month, it’s a good time to talk about relationships. While each person has their own style or ways of dealing with others, some things work for most people. Here are my tips for keeping a long-term relationship going. Younger readers might search for the songs online, since I’m showing my age here. 😉

 

Hold on Loosely

As 38 Special sang, “hold on loosely, but don’t let go.” You want to let your love interest know that you care, but don’t cling to them. It’s good to let the other person have their own interests and relationships outside of yours. And it’s important that you have your own life outside of the relationship, too. You’ll both be more well-rounded and healthy, which will enrich the time you spend together. 

 

We Can Work It Out

As The Beatles said, “Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friends.” Keep the communication lines open, but don’t waste time arguing over minor things. There’s probably some things you do that annoys your love interest too, and life’s too short to dwell on it. Pick your battles, and give each other slack on the small stuff. Practice moments of grace.

 

The End

Again, The Beatles: “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” My interpretation of this is that there should be equal give and take in the relationship. It’s a kind of karma—you want to spread the good karma. You take love from that person, and give love back to them. That also goes for time, generosity, and all the other things you want from a love interest. It’s like the Golden Rule, which is a good principle for all relationships, whether it’s your neighbor, friend, child, anyone.

 

These tips have worked for me over the years. I hope this helps someone out there who needed to see them spelled out in a list. 

 

Do you have any tips you’d like to share? Please post in the comments.

 

Lynn Lovegreen has lived in Alaska for most of her life. After twenty years in the classroom, she retired to make more time for writing. She enjoys her friends and family, reading, and volunteering for her local library. Her young adult historical romance is set in Alaska, a great place for drama, romance, and independent characters. See her website at www.lynnlovegreen.com. 

 

Relationships in Novels by Lynn Lovegreen

 This month’s theme is relationships and partners. Other Genre-istas have offered great advice and insights into relationships, so I’ll take a different angle on this. Let’s look at some great relationships that are shown in recent novels.

 

A good relationship shows a partnership of equals, or people who have genuine respect for each other. Even when the two people are not complete equals, the two parties relate to each other, and the one with more authority or status supports the other as much as possible, given the circumstances. Several examples come to mind, but I chose three books that I read in the past year that fit my criteria in different kinds of relationships:

Best Parent and Child Relationship: 

Cordelia and her dad in The Truth Project by Dante Medema

https://www.dantemedema.com/books.html

Best Friend Relationship: 

Anna and Lucy in Dating Dracula by Kinsley Adams

https://www.kinsleyadams.com/dating-dracula

Best Romantic Relationship: 

Lila and Orion in A Cuban Girl’s Guide to Tea and Tomorrow by Laura Taylor Namey

https://www.laurataylornamey.com/books/a-cuban-girls-guide-to-tea-and-tomorrow/

I’m sure there are more great examples of relationships in novels. What books can you recommend?

 

 

Lynn Lovegreen has lived in Alaska for over fifty years. After twenty years in the classroom, she retired to make more time for writing. She enjoys her friends and family, reading, and volunteering at her local library. Her young adult historical fiction is set in Alaska, a great place for drama, romance, and independent characters. See her website at www.lynnlovegreen.com. You can also find her on Facebook and Instagram.