Relationship Tips Through Song by Lynn Lovegreen

 

Since February is Romance Awareness Month, it’s a good time to talk about relationships. While each person has their own style or ways of dealing with others, some things work for most people. Here are my tips for keeping a long-term relationship going. Younger readers might search for the songs online, since I’m showing my age here. 😉

 

Hold on Loosely

As 38 Special sang, “hold on loosely, but don’t let go.” You want to let your love interest know that you care, but don’t cling to them. It’s good to let the other person have their own interests and relationships outside of yours. And it’s important that you have your own life outside of the relationship, too. You’ll both be more well-rounded and healthy, which will enrich the time you spend together. 

 

We Can Work It Out

As The Beatles said, “Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friends.” Keep the communication lines open, but don’t waste time arguing over minor things. There’s probably some things you do that annoys your love interest too, and life’s too short to dwell on it. Pick your battles, and give each other slack on the small stuff. Practice moments of grace.

 

The End

Again, The Beatles: “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” My interpretation of this is that there should be equal give and take in the relationship. It’s a kind of karma—you want to spread the good karma. You take love from that person, and give love back to them. That also goes for time, generosity, and all the other things you want from a love interest. It’s like the Golden Rule, which is a good principle for all relationships, whether it’s your neighbor, friend, child, anyone.

 

These tips have worked for me over the years. I hope this helps someone out there who needed to see them spelled out in a list. 

 

Do you have any tips you’d like to share? Please post in the comments.

 

Lynn Lovegreen has lived in Alaska for most of her life. After twenty years in the classroom, she retired to make more time for writing. She enjoys her friends and family, reading, and volunteering for her local library. Her young adult historical romance is set in Alaska, a great place for drama, romance, and independent characters. See her website at www.lynnlovegreen.com. 

 

Advice From The Apocalypse

 

I don't often take relationship advice from a tale about a world-ending apocalypse, but does the source really matter if the suggestions are good?  I recently gleened several lessons from a television show. The January 29th episode of The Last Of Us showed that the quality of a relationship between two people can make the difference between surviving and thriving.  When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. We all need something to lose.

I spent my childhood and early adulthood with nothing. That meant working so hard at merely surviving that I never learned how to really live until well into my later years. I was one of five black kids living in poverty in a time when no one had anything, so one big survival skill was never asking for anything. Asking my mother for something as simple as spare change to buy something from the ice cream truck (remember them) only made her cry. As a result, one of my earliest lessons in relationships was – if you don’t ask for things, you don’t hurt people you love. That is just one of many reasons why I need all the relationship advice I can get.

I am a writer. I have used those and other survival lessons from my real life to develop some of my character’s inner world views. I also tend to look at ways other writers express their character’s inner worlds. My reference material, mentor texts, now includes books, poetry, and even screenplays. Last week, I watched a screenplay unfold a beautiful character arc, taking a man from pure survival to thriving in a real life. That episode of The Last Of Us was entitled “Long, Long Time” in honor of the 1970s song by Linda Rondstadt. The song was such an integral part of the story, so much so that after the episode aired on January 29th, 2023, the streaming demand for that song increased by over 4900% in the U.S.

This  post will not be giving away any spoilers about the game, which I have never played, or the tv episode, which I can't stay away from.  As a writer, I know that the quality of a relationship can make the difference between surviving and thriving. As a human being, it occurs to me that if you can find happiness in the middle of an apocalypse, surely some of those lessons can apply to today’s world. Those are two reasons why I chose to add this episode, and this song,  to my list of mentor texts both for writing, and for my life. 

Lesson 1 – Every story is improved by incorporating a loving relationship. 

I once had a writing instructor tell me that no matter what the genre, every story should include a touch of romance. The screenplay for “Long, long time” demonstrated that even a horror story about the entire globe falling apart, audiences can be enthralled by a love story that fits in the environment. If it is true for every story, maybe it is also true for real life.

Lesson 2 - Maturity is your friend.  

The English poet Robert Browning wrote:

“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.”

As we get older, we have the time to learn what we really want, and need, from others. There aren’t enough romances written about people finding each other in their mature years. Even fewer that follow a sixteen year relationship between two men who triumph over a world of problems.

Lesson 3 – Don’t let the outside world interfere with your relationship. 

It’s true, you and I do not live in the aftermath of an apocalypse. We can’t count on a world that consists only of us and our significant other with no interference from people who think they know better. The two men who form a loving couple in “Long, Long Time” might have never had a chance at a loving relationship in the ordinary world, the one filled with censure. The episode itself has been review-bombed, a determined few posting negative reviews about a story so many found loving and thought provoking. Had this story been a book it would already be on dozens of banned book lists. Instead the characters are free to develop a long-term, sixteen year loving relationship. One that does not end by a “suicide at the end of the play.”

Lesson 4 - “Paying attention is how we show love.” 

That’s a quote from one of the characters explaining how his love language is different from his partner. His partner’s corresponding quote is

“There was one person worth saving. I found him, and I saved him.”

People will have different love languages. Different doesn't mean one loves less than the other, or more. Watch what they pay attention to, whether its protecting you, or doing what they can to make your life more relaxing. 

Lesson 5 - Death is not necessarily an enemy. 

“I’m old. I’m satisfied. And you were my purpose.” 

Fighting for every last second is not always a worthwhile effort. Sometimes death is simply the next stage of life and therefore nothing to be feared by people who love each other. Yes, the two lovers are gay, but, as one reviewer said, I'm a sucker for healthy, happy relationships. One where the characters are together for years and years, through the good times and the bad. The two men beat the apocalypse, while many people around them were worn down by death and destruction.  

Wrap-up

The adult me still has difficulty making friends and entering into relationships. But when I do, I often discover the resulting reward is awesome. And, lets face it, if people can find happiness in the middle of an apocalypse, I can do the same in today’s world.