Could I have just one more. . .

by Diana McCollum

As many of you have said, I wouldn't change anything I've experienced in my life because all the  good and bad have made me the person I am today.

My one regret, I wish that I could have just one more day with my mom before she went into the lost her memory completely. The last 2 weeks at the memory care home she wasn't present, she was confused and upset all the time.  The last two months of her life she was slipping into full fledged dementia, Alzheimers and needed 24 hr care. If I could have that day with mom, I would tell her I was sorry I didn't realize she had been ill for so long. It took a hospital stay and the doctor telling me mom's scan showed Alzheimers and she needed 24 hr care.

Since mom lived with us, the changes were subtle. Just mom being mom. Looking back I can see she was falling into dementia for the past few years.

Hindsight is always a few minutes too late, isn't it?

The past couple of years before she died I sometimes got frustrated with her, she lived with us. I tried not to show it, but once in a while I couldn't help it. She had a couple months when she bought mop and glow for the floors every time we went to a store. Forgetting things like the garbage disposal she turned on then walked away from. Things like that, not normal. If I had only known then that she was already suffering from Alzheimers I would have been more patient, more understanding.

An example of my frustration: Mom and I were looking for a parking spot at the grocery store about a year ago. An obese woman was slowly crossing in front of us. Mom says, "honk the horn, maybe she'll walk faster!".  I said, "Mom! She can't walk any faster." I could literally feel my blood pressure rise. My frustration came from mom having no empathy for the woman who was obviously distressed. And Mom used a walker and walked very slow herself.

Grief has been one of my closest friends since December, when mom passed.

Mother's Day loomed in the future and I found myself becoming more anxious. My sister, Sarah and I decided a good way to deal with this first Mother's Day with no 'Mother', was to spread love and joy to others.

So we surprised some family members with 'Mothers' day cards and gifts.

As Lynn said in her post, share the love. In doing our new Mother's Day tradition we made our daughters, nieces, friends, and daughter-in-laws happy. None of them were expecting anything from us, but their joy brought us happiness and joy too, on what would have been a sad day.

My motto is now spread the love. Smile at the grouchy looking person in the grocery line, maybe that will make their day.

If you could have one more day to talk to someone who passed, who would it be?

Tender moments

By Diana McCollum

What touches my heart? All the usual things Grandkids, family, flowers, butterflies, kittens and the great outdoors, etc.

But what has touched my heart in a special way is what I am going to talk about. 

As some of you know Sarah and my mom was admitted to a memory care facility, Mill View memory care,  in October 2018. While Mom was there for the two months before her passing I witnessed countless acts of kindness that truly touched my heart.

The volunteer from Partners In Care helped our 92 yrs. old mother to shower twice a week. Madeline was so sweet and she would blow dry mom’s hair and always do a little something extra. Sometimes she would braid mom’s hair and sometimes she would put a flower or hair barrette in her hair. The point being, she went the extra distance and made mom feel special. And made me feel good.

Mom liked Madeline, but always called her Katie after her granddaughter, who is also blonde and tall. Madeline told me she would answer to any name mom called her as she thought mom was a sweet lady.

The nurse who did the pedicures and toe nail polish for the patients, told mom and me that mom had beautiful feet. It warmed my heart to see the smile that compliment put on mom’s face.

Even between the patients there were touching moments. One lady who no longer new her name would sit down and play the organ. The patients would call out tunes and she’d play them. Once a patient got up and did a little dance and encouraged others to follow suit. Mom didn’t want to dance and the patient came over and took mom’s hands and clapped them together. Mom smiled and clapped in time to the music. This tender moment touched my heart.

In her last days mom’s mind was in the past and I became Hazel to her. Hazel was apparently a friend from mom’s childhood. She didn’t want comfort from me. Mom was so agitated and angry at “Hazel” (ME) for not working the code and opening the door so mom could go home.  The Director of Mill View took mom’s hands and walked backward with mom's hands on her shoulders for support. Up and down the hall so mom didn’t need her walker.

She talked to mom in a soothing voice and walked and walked with mom. Up and down the hallway I don't even know how many times. I heard mom say “You are a very nice person!” I was a little jealous for a split second because in mom's mind I was 'Hazel', and then I was so grateful that mom could relate to the director and was comfortable with her and no longer agitated.

I am touched and thankful for all the good moments mom had those last two months. I saw her almost every day. It was heart breaking to have to put her in 24-hour care. She lived a good life and even the last two months had some very special, heart touching moments.

Cherish and treasure your love ones. Say now all the things you want them to know. Because once they are gone, you can't!!

Mom was a terrific scrabble player and she was a sweet lady. She passed on December 5th, 2018.

We love and miss you Mom!