The equinox is a time for superstitions. Are you superstitious?
I’m not. Okay, maybe I have a
couple phobias, but only a couple.
·
I suppose I might be superstitious about walking
under ladders. Especially those two-foot
step ladders.
·
And I have difficulty walking on cracks—which
makes me kinda crazy since I work on a campus with brick sidewalks.
·
If I see a penny, I don’t pick it up. First, if it’s so darn lucky, why did the
other dude drop it? Worse, coins are a
virtually germ factory, so if the choice is good luck or avoiding Ebola virus…
No contest. Besides, I’d have to pick up two-hundred pennies just to buy a
lottery ticket.
·
I am NOT superstitious about black cats crossing
my path. No matter than I’ve tripped
over my ebony feline 287 times—sometimes after walking under the step ladder.
·
I’m very suspicious of a rabbit’s foot, though. Supposedly, that little piece of dead
fur/bone/ewwww is good luck. For the
rabbit—not so much.
·
I never open my umbrella indoors. Why would I? It doesn’t rain there.
· I don't believe breaking a mirror leads to seven years of bad luck. Unless you cut yourself--then you'll be unlucky for at least seven minutes.
·
Four-leaf clovers bring good luck. Puhleez!
Anyone sitting in the dirt looking for one of those botanical charms is already
behind the proverbial eight-ball. Not only are you wasting time, you are—I
repeat—sitting in the dirt.
·
Garlic wards off vampires. Vampires?
Really? Who believes that crap?
Besides, vampires
live in Olive Gardens; they must love garlic.
·
Refusing to kiss someone under the mistletoe is supposedly unlucky. Doesn’t that depend on who’s under the
mistletoe? If it's the Olive Garden Vampire, you're probably unlucky whether you pucker up or not.
· I
do not believe standing in a circle will keep the evil spirits away. After all, the earth is a circle and I’ve
been standing her for years and Congress is still here.
·
I do believe it's bad luck to sing at the table. With my voice,
singing anywhere is bad luck.
·
I’m not superstitious about the number thirteen.
Uh-oh. I have thirteen bullets. Gotta go find some salt to throw over my
shoulder.
Maybe I need an entire bag of
salt, because you know what I’m really superstitious about? Writing down my superstitions.
Oy vey.
Happy Spring!
She says she didn't do it.
The evidence says otherwise.
Styrofoam Corpse is available at Amazon.com.
