Dementia is a serious business, but if your family is under the dark cloud of this disease you’ll know how important laugher is to the coping process.
An Austrian neurologist, Viktor Frankl, wrote that humour is the soul’s weapon to help us transcend despair. Studies have shown that laughter can boost the immune system, lower blood pressure, and alleviate anxiety. It seems natural to make fun of a life-threatening, disastrous, or terrifying situation, and when times become difficult—laughter helps.
Our Alzheimer's Journey
My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's six years ago. She used to tell us about the funny things she was doing because of her dementia—that’s back in the early days of the disease when she was aware of its impact on her behaviour.
The hallucinations of the babies crawling on the floor at night.
Hiding her handbag again, and again...and again so her husband wouldn’t steal it. Then forgetting where she’d hidden it and blaming him for moving it.
Stock-piling kitchen rolls, and hiding those because people were stealing those too.
Inadvertently buying super-sized or tiny groceries because her depth perception became warped.
She laughed. I laughed. It was an effective coping mechanism.
Another way I coped was by devouring dementia-related memoirs and self-help books to find comfort and solace in other people’s experiences. In an attempt to pay it forward I kept a journal to document the progression of the disease.
Every now and then these journal entries would trigger the need to write a poem. My poetry is in a rhyming style similar to the 20th Century French/British poet and writer Hilaire Belloc. They’re jaunty, and on the surface they’re tongue in cheek, ironic or even flippant. But this surface veneer shrouds the torment beneath.
Inappropriate Laughter
As the disease progressed, my Mum went through a phase of inappropriate laughing. She laughed when people hurt themselves, dropped something or tripped. It’s as if she wasn’t sure of the socially acceptable response so resorted to laughter. She went from a serious and empathetic adult to a giggly teenager in a matter of months. She laughed until tears rolled down her cheeks and snot bubbled from her nose.
It was so good to hear her laugh, we didn’t care what triggered it.
We had many years of this laughter therapy. It blinkered us to live in the moment. We didn’t look back and wallow in regret or look forward with concern—we just belly-laughed our way through the here and now. Her laugher was so infectious, even when it was misplaced.
Fast forward a few years... and my Mum has disappeared inside a shell of the person she once was. She no longer remembers how to laugh.
About Jay Artale
Jay Artale abandoned her corporate career to become a digital nomad and full-time writer. She’s an avid blogger, podcaster, and nonfiction author helping travel writers and travel bloggers achieve their self-publishing goals. She shares tips, advice, and inspiration to writers with an independent spirit at Birds of a Feather Press, and documents her travels and artistic endeavours at Roving Jay. Follow her on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter.
7 comments:
Welcome to Romancing the Genres, Roving Jay! What a gift it is to be able to laugh when we are living through challenging times.
My brother watched the Comedy Central channel for hours and hours during his last couple of years. That may be one reason he lived two years after being told he had one year.
Last year at this time a long time friend was battling CoVid. Our conversations were brief or through the RN at the hospital. While not filled with laughter, they were "light-hearted" and upbeat.
In my own life I use laughter as an indicator of my own mental health. If I'm serious, my mood dark, I know I'm off kilter and need to lighten up. My life is full of joy if I pay attention.
Welcome to Romancing The Genres, Roving Jay!
Jay, Welcome to RTG! I'm sorry you are going through this with your mother, but laughter is indeed the best way to deal with stressful things. My mother-in-law laughs when she is in pain. She laughs a lot in life, but when she does something that hurts, she laughs. She said one trip to the doctor, he moved her leg (she needed hip surgery) and it hurt but she burst out laughing. The doctor asked did that hurt, and she said yes, as she was laughing. When she finished laughing, she explained to him that she laughs at pain and doesn't know why. He didn't either but thought it was a good coping mechanism.
What a lovely poem - and your poetry and writing, along with laughing, is indeed a great coping mechanism. Welcome to the "gang" of genreistas!
Love this. Beautifully out and so true. Couldn't agree more about the power of laughter.
Welcome to RTG!!! I loved your post. In a former life (pre-writing) I was the Head Nurse/Nursing care coordinator of an Alzheimer's unit in Wisconsin. My Master's degree is in gerontological psychology with a focus on dementia. In the unit, we would use laughter and telling funny stories from a person's past as a way to reconnect them with reality and release endorphins from the laughter. I loved story time more than any other time in the unit because you caught a real glimpse of the person "who used to be."
God Bless you and your Mom.
And welcome.
Welcome to RTG, Jay! I greatly enjoyed your poem. Even as my father disappeared into dementia, he retained his sense of humour. His silly, sometimes inappropriate, jokes gave me a cherished and ever more rare glimpse of who he used to be.
Welcome to RTG. I am late to reading this but had to share how much I really loved this post, and especially the poem at the end.
My mother has had moderate dementia for two years now. It began with the short term memory process and has progressed to some frustration on her part. Fortunately, my sisters and I can still care for her and she remembers us. She has always had a sense of humor--though not always the same as mine. Even growing up she would laugh at a joke she didn't really understand, but found something else amusing about it. She has always been kind and thinks only good things of others. I am hoping that doesn't change (as I know it does for some).
Laughter is so very important. I was so pleased by the poem you shared, they I just ordered your book in paperback. I know I will want to read every poem again and again, and share them with my siblings as we all care for my mother and ourselves. Thank you for sharing your journey and your talent with words.
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