There is nothing like a pandemic to teach us the importance of human connection. All of a sudden we were restricted from gathering, let alone touching, other humans outside of our immediate household. In some areas, they were called Pods. That term reminded me of a sci-fi movie. Which is what the entire past year and half has felt like.
While we had to maintain distance from friends and family, lots of us went online and forged new online friendships and relationships. I did a lot of that as a new author, and formed online relationships with people that morphed into chats, online Messenger calls on Facebook, or even Zoom, which became a meeting staple this past year.
But my heart went out to the younger folks and to those who had to figure out ways to meet and date people during a pandemic. My daughter got caught up in it, and she made friends online or met new ones through her video gaming programs. While this was good to stay connected to other humans, nothing takes the place of face-to-face contact.
Some relationships that were strained before covid fell apart as a result of forced proximity. Others became closer to their partner or spouse. I was fortunate to experience the latter, though it took some work. The cool thing was, I learned about myself in the process. If an argument popped up I had to decide: Is it worth arguing about? Who cares if I forgot to buy coffee creamer or whose turn it was to pick up doggie doodoo?
As a romance writer, one of the tropes we write about is forced proximity, where people are in situations where they're forced to stay together for a while. A common one in romance, for example, is a blizzard or snowstorm, which I see a lot in northern latitude stories.
I learned even more about my spouse, despite being together for decades. I got to know him as a changed, older person. In my second novel I wrote about self forgiveness, forgiving others, and redemption after screw-ups...so I paid closer attention to the interactions I had with my spouse. How often was I willing to forgive him when things went south? Or forgive myself for saying or doing something stupid?
If there's anything this past year and a half has taught me, it's patience and flexibility, where family and spouse relationships are concerned. I'm a better listener now. I'm more patient with long explanations. When I ask my spouse what time it is and he tells me how the watch was made, I don't come unglued anymore. Instead I listen, fully aware that he has no one else to use as a sounding board when he tries to figure out the wiring harness for our car and boat trailer. He processes out loud and I've learned to ask questions to help him. I never did this before, I was too impatient.
Now? I make a habit of saying I'm grateful for something each day when I wake up. At this point in life I'm just grateful I'm waking up! I value my friends and family more now than ever before. But the biggest thing I've learned from all this: Never again will I take anyone or anything for granted. Especially toilet paper LOL.
Mostly, I'm grateful for the person I chose to share my life with, lo those many years ago. We have a long shared history.
And that is priceless.
Watch the book trailer for ALASKA INFERNO!
LoLo Paige was a wildland firefighter for the U.S. Forest Service and the U.S. Bureau of Land Management, Alaska Fire Service. She's an award-winning author of two novels in the Blazing Hearts Wildfire Series, Alaska Spark and soon to be released Alaska Inferno. Her stories contain edge-of-the-seat, invigorating action, strong-willed female firefighters and romantic suspense. LoLo and her husband divide their time between their oceanside beach house in Kachemak Bay, Alaska and sunny Arizona.
What readers have said about LoLo's books...
"I could almost feel the heat of the wildfires that surrounded the crews as they staved off threats..."
"The men are wild and yummy and the women are strong and lovingly feisty. The plot moves along at a fast pace..."
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2 comments:
Lovely post, LoLo. May we all show that kind of grace in our relationships.
What a wonderful post! I loved your insight into making choices around what was worth fighting for vs. discussing, and learning patience.
Once the last child was off to college, now a decade ago, the relationship between my DH and I changed a lot. For me the pandemic has not been that much different for us, only because we already spend most of the day together every day. But I do think the pandemic forced most of us to learn more about how we process existential challenges. A lot of people process challenges by becoming busy, working more, entertaining more, going out more. For some it's a way of avoiding the challenge and for others it's a way of letting it process in the background. The pandemic stopped many of those options.
Your example of patience as your husband "over-explained" a process is priceless and recognizing that is how he processes that challenge. I hope everyone reads your post and asks themselves what they did during the pandemic to learn more patience and forgiveness both with a partner and with themselves.
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