Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction with light paranormal elements. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you make choices to overcome the darkest nights and choose love and light.
For many people, February is the month when they say or do something
special to acknowledge the romantic relationships in their lives. For other
people the romantic label isn’t
important so they include other relationships. I remember Valentine’s Day when
I was twelve. My dad got me a gift. I treasured that blouse for decades. In
fact it might be tucked away somewhere in my house!
I also know people who do not make a big or even a small deal about
Valentine’s Day. They want to show the people in their lives that they are
loved, cared about.
My family and friends fall more into the latter category than the former
one. We end conversations on the phone with “I love you”. I text my
granddaughters with that simple message. Nothing more than that --- well, often
it shows up at “Love You Lots!!!”
I was briefly married to a man who never said those words once we were wed and actually only said them once or maybe twice while we were dating. I
realized that hearing the words mattered to me.
From my professional experiences working with at-risk youth and vulnerable elderly, I know that many of them do not believe they are loveable, at least not in a healthy way. Hearing an adult tell you they are only abusing you for your own good or because they love you and you need to learn whatever the lesson is are not healthy expressions of love much less caring.
During this month where the airwaves are full
of messages about showing someone you love by purchasing whatever the product
is, I offer the following as a way to show
that person how important they are to you.
First, take a look at the following, what Dr. William
Glasser called the Seven Deadly or
Disconnecting Habits.
Criticizing
Blaming
Complaining
Nagging
Threatening
Punishing
Rewarding to Control
Really monitor your behavior and make a plan
to reduce if not eliminate any or all of the above.
Supporting
Encouraging
Listening
Accepting
Trusting
Respecting
Negotiating differences
For more information about these ideas and how to implement them in your
personal and professional life, check out The Glasser Institute for ChoiceTheory – US or The William Glasser Institute International for trainings and
resources near you.
Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshley.net
Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.
You can also find Judith
on FB!
11 comments:
I like that you list things to say or do to show someone you care/love them.
Great blog post for this time of year!
Nice, Judith - I loved Valentine's back when I was younger. It was so romantic. But once I became an adult and realized many tines it was an "excuse" to have to be nice once a year... Enough said. But mostly I never enjoyed Valentine's Day because I spent most of my adult life working in the hospitality industry, waiting on those who were celebrating love and roses and chocolate, but didn't have the decency to be kind to the person waiting on them. So, I am with you - practice love and kindness every day and show the people you love what that means. I do the same as you - just shoot off an I LOVE YOU text to my grandkids or my children. And this morning, I actually got one from my son just as I was thinking of sending him a "I love you" message.
I'm going to print out those lists of things to do and things to avoid in relationships. Choice Theory rocks! Love your random "I love you" texts! I'm going to start doing that too:-)
The words do matter. Jim still tells me he loves me often enough that I don't feel deprived. 66 years and counting. Of course I tell him I love him too.
Sometimes we get the words from the kids too. Though it's more often deeds.
Great post, Judith, and love the lists.
Great post and love the lists.
Thanks Diana. I appreciate your reading my post and commenting.
Deb, I recently saw a conversation about tipping. The comments/questions were if it was take out or pick up something from a bakery for example, why should anyone tip? I took a few deep breathes and did not respond because if that is their perspective, then nothing I would say would make a difference. I do tip. And, if there was a way to add to my bill a bit more when I pay by credit card, I'd do that. That's an expense to the business for my convenience.
I've never worked in the hospitality industry and I've always saw the people who did as heroic. How to be nice to everyone even when/especially when they are not nice back! I'd probably spill the coffee or dump the tray in someone's lap.
Sarah, Choice Theory does rock! And I truly believe that what we don't say is as important as what we do say.
Barb, deeds count! If you know they are a substitute for the words. I realized that after the divorce...buying me a watch, the washer and then a dryer so I didn't have to go to the laundromat at least once a week...I don't know that it would have made a difference in the end. I do know that it would have helped in the beginning. So glad you and Jim still say the words.
Dari, thanks for stopping by and commenting. I think if people make an effort to decrease the disconnecting words and increase the connecting words, the world would be a better place because our relationships would be happier.
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