Showing posts with label Dr. William Glasser MD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dr. William Glasser MD. Show all posts

Friday, February 3, 2023

Simple Tips To Enhance Connections With Others

 Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction with light paranormal elements. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you make choices to overcome the darkest nights and choose love and light.

For many people, February is the month when they say or do something special to acknowledge the romantic relationships in their lives. For other people the romantic label isn’t important so they include other relationships. I remember Valentine’s Day when I was twelve. My dad got me a gift. I treasured that blouse for decades. In fact it might be tucked away somewhere in my house!

I also know people who do not make a big or even a small deal about Valentine’s Day. They want to show the people in their lives that they are loved, cared about.

My family and friends fall more into the latter category than the former one. We end conversations on the phone with “I love you”. I text my granddaughters with that simple message. Nothing more than that --- well, often it shows up at “Love You Lots!!!”

Why do I consciously choose to tell people I love them?

I was briefly married to a man who never said those words once we were wed and actually only said them once or maybe twice while we were dating. I realized that hearing the words mattered to me.

From my professional experiences working with at-risk youth and vulnerable elderly, I know that many of them do not believe they are loveable, at least not in a healthy way. Hearing an adult tell you they are only abusing you for your own good or because they love you and you need to learn whatever the lesson is are not healthy expressions of love much less caring.

During this month where the airwaves are full of messages about showing someone you love by purchasing whatever the product is, I offer the following as a way to show that person how important they are to you.

First, take a look at the following, what Dr. William Glasser called the Seven Deadly or Disconnecting Habits.

Criticizing
Blaming
Complaining
Nagging
Threatening
Punishing
Rewarding to Control

Really monitor your behavior and make a plan to reduce if not eliminate any or all of the above.

In the meantime, pay attention to Dr. Glasser’s  Seven Caring or Connecting Habits. When interacting with others, look for ways to increase these.

Supporting
Encouraging
Listening
Accepting
Trusting
Respecting
Negotiating differences

For more information about these ideas and how to implement them in your personal and professional life, check out The Glasser Institute for ChoiceTheory – US or The William Glasser Institute International for trainings and resources near you.

You can find all of my books at your favorite e-book vendor. Be sure to ask your local library if you’d prefer to read my books through that resource.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshley.net

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2023 Judith Ashley

Friday, October 7, 2022

Going Off Topic

Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction with light paranormal elements. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you make choices to overcome the darkest nights and choose love and light.

Finally the temperatures are dropping (or rising if you live in the southern hemisphere). Seasons are changing. Where I live in the Pacific Northwest tree leaves are beginning to change color. Fall blooms of asters and chrysanthemums provide color to the gardens I pass on my walks.

October also marks the beginning of Yom Kippur. Special days are marked for celebrating Indigenous People’s Day, Diwali and Halloween aka All Hallow’s Eve, originally Samhain.

The Blog Queens thought Things That Go Bump in the Night was a fun topic or prompt for October. I’m looking forward to reading how what the Genre-istas come up with as they explored their views on Things That Go Bump in the Night. And I will certainly be checking in every day to see who, if anyone, will write about any of the other holidays or holy days celebrated this month.

For me, I’m wandering a bit off topic.

Having survived rape and domestic violence as well as worked in areas where there is an element of physical danger, I’ve learned to trust my body. Not unconditionally because it can still signal danger when there isn’t any. However, whenever I sense my own personal warning system I pay rapt attention to where I am, who I’m with, where I am and I quickly assess how real or maybe the right word is immediate the danger is.

There was a time when I read psychological thrillers and also watch movies with that theme. Through them I learned how twisted, devious and horrific our creative minds can become. However, the lessons I learned that have kept me safe were from the trainings I did through the Glasser Institute.

What helped me stay safer was gaining a better understanding of the people with whom I was interacting. Dr. Willliam Glasser, M.D., founder of The William Glasser Institute,International whose US organization is The Glasser Institute for Choice Theory– US, teaches that we are internally motivated, we want our world and the people in it, to behave in a certain way.

Here are the concepts that helped me the most:

All Behavior is Purposeful

All Behavior is Purposeful
          At the time we act, there is something we want that we don’t have. It could be a relationship. It could be control. It could be happiness. It could be freedom. It could be safety. Our choice, in that moment, is what we believe or at least hope will get us that which we want.

However, for most people who do not believe we are internally motivated, that means “making” someone else do something they are not yet doing.

All Behavior is Total Behavior

All Behavior is a Total Behavior that has four (4) components. What we are physically doing. What we are thinking while we are doing it. How we feel emotionally while we are doing and thinking. How our body’s physiology is functioning in that moment of doing/thinking/feeling.

An interesting experiment is to dissect a particular behavior into those four (4) components. I’m sitting and typing (doing) and thinking about the words on the screen. In this moment my body is engaged in sitting and typing, those muscles and tendons that allow me to sit and type at work. And also, when I pay attention, there is a level of consternation. Am I saying what I want to say? Is there a better way to say this? Etc.

We’d say my Total Behavior is Writing. And that is made up of the components of sitting, typing, thinking muscles/tendons involved, and my emotion is consternation. Once I’m satisfied with my examples, my message, my Total Behavior changes because while I may still be sitting and typing, my thinking is “yes, that’s what I want to say” and the level of consternation shifts to one of satisfaction.

An Early Warning System: Danger is near

What does this have to do with anything?

By paying attention to all four components of my total behavior when feeling threatened, I was able to determine what I was thinking while feeling threatened and even more important, how feeling threatened manifested in my body.

In my body that sense of threat shows up as a twitchy, itchy sense that runs up and down the upper part of my spine (neck to mid-back). I no longer discount it as I did early on much to my detriment. Now, no matter when or where, I pay rapt attention to what’s going on around me. Where is my escape route? Who is a resource? And also, is the sense of threat real?

Those realistic movies and books and television shows? I intellectually know I’m not in actual, real danger – however, my internal safety system clangs loud and clear to “pay attention” “danger”.

Who needs that sense of fear, unease? Obviously some people do or we wouldn’t have intense frightening movies, books, shows, etc. I’ve read several theories about why people are drawn to horror, etc. And while it isn’t something I’m drawn towards, it isn’t my job to say no one should have access to that form of entertainment.

Happily-Ever-After's

For me, I’m sticking to the HEA of romance.

However, if that tingly, twitchy, itchy sense appears, I stop what I’m doing and check to confirm all doors and windows are locked, alarm system is on, etc. And if I’m out and about, I do plot out my “escape” route and make sure I’ve my car keys in a protection hold in my hand.

Does any of that guarantee nothing bad will ever happen to me? No. I’ve been told often enough by people in security and law enforcement that if someone is determined to do me harm, there is no fool proof way to completely protect myself. However, if prepared, I can eliminate myself as an “easy target” and more than likely limit any damage and hopefully survive to live another day.

Learn more about my non-fiction book: Staying Sane in a Crazy World, provides you with a template to create your Personal Staying Sane Plan to help you through the challenging times.

You can find all of my books at your favorite e-book vendor. Be sure to ask your local library if you’d prefer to read my books through that resource. If you want a print copy? Ask your local independent bookstore to order it for you. If you are in the Portland, Oregon metropolitan area, my books are carried at Jan’s in Beaverton and Arte Soleil in SE Portland.


Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at 
JudithAshley.net

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2022 Judith Ashley

Friday, July 2, 2021

Peace in Our World

Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic women’s fiction with light paranormal elements. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you make choices to overcome the darkest nights and choose love and light.

Two of the four weekends in June I was teaching. They mark my re-entry into the real world of personal interacting with other people. It was the perfect way for me to move forward. There is a difference between interacting on Zoom or another virtual platform and meeting in person.

What does that have to do with Peace?

One of the core concepts I teach is that everything we experience that we label as “real” is altered by our five senses, our personal knowledge and how we want the world around us to be.

A simple example is looking at a chair. We might agree that the piece of furniture is a chair. However, if I’m blind, I’ll see the chair differently than a sighted person. If I’m color blind, the chair will also look different from what a non-color blind person would see. My definition of comfortable will be different also.

Consider simple things like food, temperature, colors and the varying views we hold on what’s good, right, comfortable, etc. and then contrast that with the more abstract concept of peace.

Another piece of the curriculum is “Systems of Belief”. And once we ascribe to a particular system of belief, it is a powerful influence in our lives. Consider the religious or political beliefs that abound in the world around us. Unless we also have a belief that my view/system of belief is unique to me and is Not something anyone else Must agree with, we are automatically veering into dangerous territory.

The answer to World Peace is simple in concept and exceptionally complex in implementation because of our systems of belief.

The answer is: Choose peace! If everyone in the world chose peace starting at midnight tonight, there would be no war. The powers that be would sit down and discuss what they want and work to gain agreement with the other powers that be who would be affected. The word compromise would be valued again. Discussion would be polite, civil and everyone at the table, be it the dining room or coffee table in our homes, a conference table at work, or the negotiating table at the United Nations or another international meeting, would be listened to in an effort to understand as well as treated with respect and dignity.

Now I do not have control over anyone but myself and that is also true for each of you. If we make or continue to make the choice to live a peaceful life, the world will be that much more peaceful.

You can learn more about the concepts I teach through my fiction and nonfiction books as well as checking out the Glasser Institute forChoice Theory. Create a profile and sign up for several free programs including Greet the Week, Making Sense of It and Difficult Discussion in Diversity.

If you are not yet on my mailing list, you can sign up for Choices here. I’ve created a new free offering that includes the novella Sarah’s Ankh along with the first chapter of Lily: The Dragon and The Great Horned Owl. I hope you enjoy them.

Look for my next non-fiction Yes, You Can Create The Life You Love this summer. All of my books are available at your favorite e-book vendor. Be sure to ask your local library if you’d prefer to read my books through that resource.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series on her website JudithAshley.net

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2021 Judith Ashley