It’s a New Year – A Time to Dream Big, But Be Realistic: Learning to Take My Own Advice ..... by Delsora Lowe

SETTING GOALS

January is always the time of year when we set goals and make resolutions. How many of those we keep throughout the year is questionable. So, my advice to myself for starting each new year, and keeping on-track throughout the year, is to start planning in November and December of the previous year.

As I have often discussed in the past, I belong to two goals groups (one has a daily check-in and the other a weekly check-in) and I set out annual goals that I start working on before the new year begins.

I find if I plan, write-out that plan, check-it twice (oh, wait – that’s my naughty or nice, holiday wish-list,) and check it often (at least once a month) to ensure I am on schedule, I am more likely to achieve what I wanted to in any given year.

Having said that, life gets in the way – whether it is personal set-backs or things beyond our control, readjusting goals all through the year is perfectly acceptable. And healthy. No point in making goals that will cause stress.

REASSESSING

If you are anything like me, you have high hopes and ambitions during those down-times that are less stressful. But once you get into the midst of head-down, get-er-done mode, it is easy to get overwhelmed and become negative. So, the second part of my advice is to give yourself leeway to readjust your goals from time-to-time. And that means, you can put off achieving a goal until later. It also means when an opportunity arises, you can squeeze-in or replace one new goal for another one that can wait to be finished.

SMALL INCREMENTS

As is normal at this time of year, there are plenty of experts who have advice. This morning on the news a psychologist gave some sage advice (wish I could remember her name.) Instead of setting a lofty goal (such as my goal to release 3 books this year,) set goals that are the steps to that goal. In my case, I have three books already written, so my next step is to edit them (which is my stated goal with the intention to also publish them.)

Editing a book is one goal. Releasing it is an entirely different goal. Instead, I also need to adjust my stated goals to work on the next steps (after editing) to getting each published. Those steps can include sending the edited manuscript to a professional editor, then a formatter, then commission a book cover, etc. And while that might be a lofty goal, it also means that if I edit all three books during 2023, I can then take the next steps, one at a time. And I may or may not get all three published this year. I may get one published and another one formatted, and the third one sent to the professional editor.

I now realize I need to adjust those goals to show incremental steps.

PROS AND CONS

Setting goals can help you push yourself forward. But setting goals too high, and overachieving, can wear a person out and cause a person to not reach goals. The key to staying sane is flexibility and readjusting goals along the way.

REALISTIC VERSUS PIE-IN-THE-SKY

The other piece of advice to myself every year, is to be realistic. It’s okay to set stretch goals. At the same time, add in variations of what that goal will look like, so readjusting goals won’t make you feel sad or bad.

Always remember – not meeting a goal is not a failure. It is an opportunity for adjustment so you can achieve that goal under different circumstances.

CELEBRATE

Here’s to a happy and successful new year. But also, here’s to a realistic and non-stressful new year as you reach to achieve new goals.

How do you prepare your annual goals or celebrate your successes?

One of my goals is to edit and publish the next Cowboys of Mineral Springs book.

Check out the series links on Delsora Lowe

~ cottages to cabins ~ keep the home fires burning ~

Delsora Lowe writes small town sweet and spicy romances and contemporary westerns from the mountains of Colorado to the shores of Maine.

Author of the Starlight Grille series, Serenity Harbor Maine novellas, and the Cowboys of Mineral Springs series, Lowe has also authored short romances for Woman’s World magazine. Her newest novella is The Love Left Behind. Look for both a Christmas novel (The Inn at Gooseneck Lane) and novella (Holiday Hitchhiker) later this fall. 

Social Media Links:

Author website: www.delsoralowe.com

Facebook Author page: https://www.facebook.com/delsoraloweauthor/community/

Amazon Author page: https://www.amazon.com/Delsora-Lowe/e/B01M61OM39/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

Books2Read Author page: https://www.books2read.com/ap/8GWm98/Delsora-Lowe

BookBub Author Page: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/delsora-lowe-93c6987f-129d-483d-9f5a-abe603876518

Goodreads Author Page: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/16045986.Delsora_Lowe

Instagram: #delsoralowe / https://www.instagram.com/delsoralowe/

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Love In Isolation

By Cassandra O'Leary 

The Romance Writers of Australia conference was a little different this year, as most things are in 2020, the year of the plague. COVID-19 Has meant many changes to our daily lives here in Australia, and especially where I live in Melbourne. For international readers who may not be aware, Melbourne has the dubious honour of being the home of Australia's worst virus outbreaks to date. 

I'm currently living in Stage 4 lockdown with my two boys, with a limit of one hour of exercise outdoors each day, or a trip to the shops for essential items only, a curfew after 8 pm and restriction on travel within a 5 km radius of my house. Masks are essential for anyone over the age of 12. My husband is having a different experience to me since his work hasn't stopped, being considered an essential worker, so he's out most days and still seeing co-workers and customers. I'm at home, my kids have online schooling only, and it's getting a little claustrophobic! And I'm mighty sick of Grade 3 maths tasks! 

The Romance Writers of Australia 2020 conference, dubbed Love In Isolation, ran from 12-16 August and it was a welcome distraction and mental challenge. Unlike previous conferences I attended in person, I didn't get the full experience of staying in a nice hotel with my writing friends, hanging out in the hotel bars or cafes. But the online content was great, and the conference team should be congratulated for pivoting after the Fremantle, Western Australian conference could no longer go ahead. Travel restrictions are in place between Australian states and international guests would not have been permitted to enter the country. Instead, the conference team organised an online version that included live streamed workshops and pre-recorded seminars, running on the Webinar Ninja platform. 

I particularly enjoyed locking myself in my bedroom with my laptop while my husband looked after the kids for most of the weekend, and immersing myself in writing and marketing topics. Liz Pelletier, editor and publisher from Entangled Publishing, gave a fascinating live workshop which covered what it takes to create and market a bestselling romance book. I enjoyed learning about her way of looking at genre fiction books as a type of content similar to computer software, with the story structure, function e.g. filling an emotional/relaxation need for readers, 'user experience' and packaging (such as branded ads and book covers) all having equal weight. There was a lot to think about and consider, especially for an author like myself being hybrid (self publishing as well as traditional publishing), as Entangled is doing things differently to many indies and their competitors.

Another highlight included author Rachel Bailey's session on Sparkling Dialogue, with examples from the classic movie Charade starring Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn, as well as recent romance novels. Who wouldn't want to write funny quips like Cary and Audrey sling at each other? The combination of an online workshop with a Facebook group chat afterwards to ask questions, was a popular option with attendees.

The most information dense and complex presentation I watched was one by Ricardo Fayet from Reedsy, on Taking The Next Step in Facebook Advertising. This included an overview of how to set up multiple FB ads based on Interests and similar authors (think bigger names in your own sub-genres) and testing various artwork or short videos to see which are the most popular in terms of clicks and sales. I really want to go through his presentation again with a fine-toothed comb when I have a bit more time and brain-power, to learn his tricks and put them into action. 

The conference content will be online for three months, allowing time to go back and digest information or watch sessions missed the first time. This is fantastic, since I can work in ‘chunks’ and hopefully fit in some more conference sessions in between all my other mum-life stuff. 

Love In Isolation was a winner, but it left a kind of melancholy behind in its wake. I missed the real life connections with my fellow writers this year, the social interactions and the pure fun of dressing up and getting together with like-minded women (for the most part, but there are a few blokes usually at RWAus). My work hasn’t taken off like a proverbial rocket after conference this year, but instead I feel reluctant to write, hoping for inspiration to come in a difficult time. 

I suppose it’s always hard to write in isolation, but this year, I’m finding it more difficult than usual. Lockdown is starting to feel like an endless Groundhog Day, parenting and cleaning and cooking ad infinitum with little chance to escape the house or to retreat into a different mental space where happy endings are standard. This isn’t business as usual, and I can’t pretend it is, even if I am a fiction writer. I know The End will come soon, but all this foreshadowing is really starting to hurt my head! 

Author’s note: This will be my last regular blog for Romancing The Genres. I’ve enjoyed my time as a regular contributor here, but I find with ongoing health issues (headaches, autoimmune problems etc.) and the current lockdown with kids, I don’t have the time or concentration to devote to blogging. I hope to pop-in with a couple of guest blogs in the future though! 

About Cassandra O'Leary

Cassandra O’Leary is an author, freelance writer, avid reader, communications specialist and admirer of pretty, shiny things! In 2015, Cassandra won the global We Heart New Talent contest run by HarperCollins UK, and her debut romantic comedy novel, Girl on a Plane, was then published in 2016.

Cassandra has also independently published novellas and short stories, all while chasing her two mini ninjas around her home city of Melbourne, Australia. You’ll find Cassandra drinking coffee and hanging out on social media, musing about books and buying shoes on the internet…oh yes, and writing.

Twitter – @cass_oleary

Facebook – www.facebook.com/cassandraolearyauthor

Instagram - @cassandissima

Website – http://cassandraolearyauthor.com

Creative life and mojo at 40 plus

By Cassandra O'Leary

Author's Note: I first wrote this blog in 2016 when my debut novel was released. Now I have a few more draft books under my belt, but I'm still working on juggling work/life/health and getting more work completed. The current quarantine and home school situation just makes everything more complicated!

Creative life and mojo at 40 plus by Cassandra O’Leary

Have you found your creative mojo? I got back into creative writing about three years ago, and the impetus for me was the looming Big 4-0 deadline. I don’t know what it is about a significant birthday to light a fire under my butt, but it worked. I wanted to try writing a novel. A romance novel, since I had an idea revolving around relationships.

I did it, and I’ve kept writing and have already found some success. But you know what? I did it with very little support from people around me, apart from my fabulous husband.

As a woman ‘of a certain age’ i.e. forty one and three quarters, I loathe the assumptions that go with being a woman at this stage of life, let alone one who wants to tackle a creative project or a career change.

Here’s a few crazy assumptions, just for starters:

- If you’re over about 30, you can’t start a brand new career because you’re probably ‘past it’.

- If you’re a woman, you’ll only be worried about ‘settling down’ and being married/having babies/buying shoes/raising cats/collecting kitchen accessories.

- If you’re interested in writing, you’ll only want to write (or read) ‘mummy blogs’ or ‘mummy porn’* (insert dismissive comment and raised eyebrows here).

- If you like to read, you’re probably 'only' reading romance novels, which as everyone knows are problematic or sexist or unrealistic or… (insert unfair assumption here).

- If you are a mum, a wife, and a part-time worker, a woman who enjoys fashion, or cooking, or wine, whatever, you can’t be anything else.

That’s it, done and dusted, get back in your box, woman. As Alicia Silverstone would say in the movie Clueless, “As if!”.

As someone who decided at the age of thirty eight to tackle creative writing in a serious way, and who has gone at it with the tenacity of a multitasking mummy-ninja, I can tell you all of the above are such clichés they’re not even funny.

I believe I can achieve things. I’ve already had three distinct ‘careers’ and will probably have a couple more. I work hard and I’m always interested in learning something new. I am ‘settled’, married with kids, living a suburban life, but that’s not all I am. I like to read everything — news, think pieces, literary fiction, romance, science fiction, blogs, non-fiction. I enjoy reading light-hearted and romantic books, for entertainment.

I can be lots of things, and I will be, probably all at once. I’ve always believed, strangely enough, that I am a person. I am me. I’m good at writing, I love reading and thinking of creative ideas. Always have done, probably always will do. My age and my gender have nothing to do with it. It’s other people who have weird, narrow-minded opinions.

Just do it – time waits for no woman

Sure, I’m busy. Sure, I have young children. Sure, there’s never enough hours in the day to do all the things I need to do, let alone the things I want to do. But that’s life. It rushes by at supersonic speed while you’re busy doing the washing or cleaning the kitchen, until all of a sudden it’s getting hard to remember the things you always wanted to do, but never found time for.

The good news is those things you never had time for are still there in your head. At least the potential things are. I realised that nobody has time, that you have to make time to write if it’s important to you. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather look back and think that I’m proud to have worked hard and written a book, rather than spent all of that time vacuuming the rug.

All I needed to do was block out the negative voices and get started. For me, that internal decision was all it took. It was time. Time to start, time to get going, time to write.

If you’re thinking about writing — perhaps characters have whole conversations in your head over your morning coffee, or you overhear conversations in a cafe and you have to jot them down in a notebook, or you keep a journal — my advice is, just start.

Write something. Anything. Maybe it will be a poem, or a short story, or a romance novel. Maybe you’ll dive straight into the madness of writing a novel in a month during NaNoWriMo or enter a writing contest like I did. Whatever you write, you’ll have something that never existed before in the world. Your work, your thoughts.

Here’s the thing about starting — it’s exciting. It opens up your mind to possibilities you may not have considered before. You may find that you have a whole pile of ideas waiting, based on your life experiences and the stories of people around you. There are benefits to having a few years under your belt!

Creative work can keep you sane

An unexpected by-product of getting creative, for me, is staying sane in an increasingly crazy world. Connecting to inner thoughts and writing them down, taking quiet time-out to read away from television and other distractions or simply taking a walk and letting your mind unwind can all be helpful for your creativity. They can also help reduce stress and keep you mentally well.

As a mother of two young children, I’ve found this surprising and most welcome. Carving time out for myself and my creative work has made me calmer, more mentally present and aware. And my kids love giving me crazy story ideas! I still need to write that book about an undercover, secret brick…

Define your own success

Success doesn’t have to be defined by bestseller status or winning writing awards. Although if some awards were thrown in my general direction, I’d probably reach out and try to catch them.

But success can be defined in many ways, such as finishing a first draft of a book or a new piece of art. That’s something a lot of people will never achieve. Or the goal could be to get that book polished and submit it to a publisher. Maybe it could simply be showing a short story to some readers and having them enjoy your work.

And you never know what might happen. One day, someone might read your work (or see your art, whatever medium you work in) and absolutely love it. Seriously, it could happen.

Here I am, having written (almost) three novels and a few shorter works, taking a leap and jumping in head first to the world of book publishing and being an author. Wish me luck!

P.S. My kids didn’t starve and my husband didn’t leave me. But thanks for all the unsolicited comments and predictions of doom, naysayers and busybodies! #sarcasm

*P.P.S. I hate the term ‘mummy porn’ and believe it was invented by male book reviewers to belittle women writers who dare to write about sexual content…use that term in my presence at your peril!

ABOUT CASSANDRA O’LEARY

Cassandra O'Leary is a romance and romcom author, recovering corporate wordsmith and TV and film fangirl. She was the winner of the We Heart New Talent contest run by HarperCollins UK and her debut contemporary romance/romantic comedy novel, Girl on a Plane, released in 2016. She's also indie published shorter works including Heart Note: A Christmas romcom novella and Chocolate Truffle Kiss: A romcom novelette (now in Kindle Unlimited).  

Cassandra is a mother of two gorgeous, high-energy mini ninjas and wife to a spunky superhero. Living in Melbourne, Australia, she’s also travelled the world. If you want to send her to Italy or Spain on any food or wine tasting ‘research’ trips, that would be splendiferous.

Proud member of Romance Writers of Australia and the Melbourne Romance Writers Guild.

Read more at cassandraolearyauthor.com

Relationships, Romance, and the Real World by Maggie Lynch

Maggie Lynch

I’ve been a romance writer for more than three decades. I’ve been a published romance novelist since 2010. I am one of those writers who primarily “write what I know” with names changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty. For the most part, my novels are a reflection of my life, the lives of my siblings and their romantic entanglements, and that of my extended family—aunts, uncles, cousins. I come from a large family so there is plenty of relationship examples that are both challenging, completely screwed, and some that are triumphs. These alone can keep me writing until my death.

Because I have a background in psychology I’ve always had a good sense of why relationships work, or don’t work, in real life. Romantic relationships run into trouble because there are such high stakes for self-esteem, trust, satisfying the need to connect on an intimate level, and ultimately choosing whether sharing a life with someone else is realistic. The fear that we won’t manage that well often keeps people from telling the full truth not only to a potential partner but even to themselves.

However, it wasn’t until I started reading and writing nonfiction articles for Medium that I realized how much people crave real world examples of romance and what makes a good relationship. The most popular articles on Medium are about love and relationships. Everyone is looking for something more than they have—even when what they have is pretty good.

It made me wonder how romance novels reflect real life and how much they have shaped women’s perceptions and expectations of what romance and marriage relationships should be. Do most of us write real relationships? Or do we primarily write wish fulfillment relationships that set up unrealistic expectations of love and marriage? I’ve explored that by using two powerful romance tropes that have certainly impacted my own life.

Unconditional Love

In my nonfiction article,  Is Unconditional Love Possible? I look at the idea that many women believe that 1970’s movie line from Love Story: “Love means you never have to say you’re sorry.” And there are a lot of romance novels that reinforce that with the easy forgiveness of misdeeds or the simple acceptance from the protagonist that if they are “really in love” they should forgive more easily.

Do we have any responsibility for writing stories where women are independent and strong in their own right? I think the modern woman does expect a lot more self-agency than in the past. I don’t personally believe that most relationships can or should forgive misdeeds without consequences.

Another part of unconditional love expectation is how it morphs into an expectation of some kind of mind-reading ability. I don’t mean psychic mind reading as often used in paranormal novels, but more of the “soulmate” trope where the potential lovers are so attuned to each other—so in love—that their partner will just “know” what their needs are and deliver on them.

As romance novelists I think we do play up that mystical “knowing” the needs of a partner. This is especially clear in romantic sex scenes in most novels. The wish fulfillment part inevitably includes one partner, usually the dominant one, knowing exactly what to do to make the protagonist feel loved, wanted, beautiful, handsome, sexy, amazing, empowered. It becomes an integral part of building the protagonist’s self-esteem, trust, and ultimately commitment. I’m raising my own hand high here and admitting I’ve done that in my novels, too.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t provide some wish fulfillment in our novels under the flag of entertainment. However, I do think many romance novels could be even stronger if they also include a good dose of reality where our characters have to ultimately realize that their self-esteem and strength has to come from within themselves. The protagonist must be put in situations that force them to stand up alone, resolve problems, and overcome major issues without the all-knowing partner by their side supporting them in every step. It is only by proving it to themselves can they truly develop an internal belief in their own unique strengths, beauty, and ultimately commitment to move forward.

Friends to Lovers

A second nonfiction article I wrote relates to the friends-to-lovers trope in romance. The article examines the real role of chemistry in long-term relationships. Are the Best Marriages Primarily Chemistry or Friendship?  I certainly believe you need both chemistry and friendship. However, I would suggest the balance is better served if it tilts more toward friendship than the chemistry end.

Since the early 21^st century the romance genre’s norm has been wide ranging acceptance of more sexy books. This requires a stronger element of the chemistry part of the equation. I personally wonder if we’ve relied on chemistry too much now to the exclusion of ensuring the long-term friendship part of a committed relationship.

I understand how great sex can temporarily erase a lot of misgivings. It certainly fogs the mind—at least mine. However enjoyable chemistry is, it IS temporary. In fact, remaining in that constant heightened state of sexual attraction and feeling the need to act on it all the time would actually be exhausting and perhaps even torture.

The problem with romance relationships relying so much on good chemistry is again with what happens after the book ends? What happens when the couple doesn’t have the same raging hormones later in life? Or a chronic illness or disability changes the relationship? What happens when real life—children, economics, jobs, other stress—intervenes and accessing that great chemistry isn’t available or isn’t enough to overcome problems?

I’m not going to argue whether purely escapist romance is needed and some people want to write that vs those who feel a need to write more realistic romance. There is room for both. However, I think that examining our role in offering some solid, relationship-building examples within a fictional world we can control is an important consideration.

Summary

Our personal relationships do impact our writing, both in terms of whether we choose to write more wish fulfillment scenarios or more realistic scenarios. Many authors often work out their own relationship challenges in the way they choose to create their world, populate it with characters, and express and resolve challenges on the page. Simultaneously, many readers often find healing from confusion, and even trauma, in certain types of romance stories. Stories that can provide a new perspective on how to overcome one’s past with real-world models of forming a strong romantic relationship can be the beginnings of life-changing possibilities.

Looking at nonfiction resources about relationships, including self-esteem, love, and marriage, is a great way to add additional depth and nuance to our stories. Most of us think nothing of spending hours researching a foreign country, a historical fact, small town environment we may not know. Yet, because we have all loved and lost or loved and won, we often don’t consider researching the science and psychology of relationships. We don’t necessarily think there is something new to learn.

Even though I have a background in psychology and counseling, I’ve found there is always something more to learn. Cultural changes, generational changes, what is accepted and known compared to the past are just a few things I can learn. I have some blinders in my own relationships just like everyone else. I believe most writers could benefit from learning more about what really makes a relationship work well and finding a way to fold that into their stories.

About Maggie Lynch

Maggie Lynch is the author of 20+ published books, as well as numerous short stories and non-fiction articles.  Her fiction tells stories of men and women making heroic choices one messy moment at a time. You can learn more about her in these venues. Website | Medium | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn| Pinterest | BookBub Fiction | BookBub Nonfiction | Goodreads |

If I could turn back time...

(Apologies for that potential ear-worm.)

If I could change one thing in my past, what is it and why?

That’s a loaded question and could open up several cans of worms, or cases of cans of worms. Sure, I have regrets, but too few to mention, hehe. Also, I fear that if I changed one thing in my past, the ripple effect would change the rest of my life to this point, and I rather like where I am right now, geographically and personally.

So, rather than dwell on what “might have been”, I’ll bemoan a decidedly First World decision.

I wish we’d purchased different kitchen appliances for our new house.

Exhibit A - the fridge.

I won’t share the brand name because this isn’t a review. At decision-making time we bought what is called a French door, bottom freezer fridge. Our kitchen has an island and we didn’t want a regular-sized fridge door getting in the way of traffic. The French doors are smaller and don’t protrude as far into the room. That aspect of our fridge is perfect. I can be rummaging for … vegetables, yeah, and let’s call it, ah, fruit, and Mr. S can breeze right past. But a smaller door means smaller door bins, and all those things we used to store in the door no longer fit. Case in point - the butter keeper that won’t accommodate a pound of butter.

So, given that the fridge will be the bane of my existence until it wears out, if I could change one thing in my past, I’d purchase a different model because then my life would be PERFECT <grin>. *gives the side-eye to the teensy drawer under the oven.

In other news, my latest book was released last week – whee!! My heroine wishes she'd purchased a different microwave oven.

Unemployed photojournalist Raynor Elliot stops at a bakery near the famous Deerbourne Inn. Not only does he get a lead on a job but the bakery’s owner is that awkward kid he knew in high school, only now she has fabulous curves and an irreverent sense of humor. The cozy bakery, with its aroma of sugar, vanilla and spice, has more to offer than tasty cookies.

Fiona MacLeod has been plagued for years by the need to make amends for telling The Big Lie. When the lie’s victim strolls into her bakery with his icy blue stare and killer charm, she feels like she’s standing too close to a hot oven.

Between running her bakery and frosting cupcakes for the Mad River Garden Party, she's pretty sure she's falling in love with this infuriating, sexy man. Can Fiona dredge up the courage to confess, face the consequences, and hope for forgiveness? 

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