Goals, Commitments or Not

 Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction with light paranormal elements. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you make choices to overcome the darkest nights of your life to choose love and light.

My Least Favorite Goal and Why I Set It – Not

I’ve found over the years that it is not always helpful to me to set goals.

I used to.

Ask people who knew me 20 – 30 years ago. I had Goals five years out. I had monthly, weekly and daily action lists. Items were crossed off or moved over to the next day. I also worked 50+ hours a week, had no real “Me” time, etc. I accomplished A Lot! And people saw me as organized and productive, someone who did what she said she’d do, etc. etc. etc.

However, time has passed. I’m as retired as I want to be. I still write (mostly blog posts these days. I have an idea of finishing my second non-fiction and maybe even getting both it and my first non-fiction on audio tape. I’ve a couple of started manuscripts I could possible work on.

Why am I not Setting Goals to Get Those Things Done?

Because what I’ve learned through experience is that life, or Life or especially LIFE not only can but does rear up and my best intentions go sliding into that place where “good intentions” go to die. Being a recovering (still working on that) high achiever, that is a very uncomfortable place to be even though I’ve taught myself to look at what I did accomplish as a percentage of my goal. A goal of one hundred thousand words is 50% met if I write fifty thousand words.

While that actually feels better than chastising myself for failing there is still a vestige of unease because I didn’t reach the 100% mark.

The past several years has seen Life if not LIFE spend way too much time with me. I’ve worked to reframe my achievements and while I can say I’ve not Failed, I still struggle with not being Successful.

However I am someone who makes an effort to find the gift in the challenges and this is what I’ve learned.

Setting Goals doesn’t work for me. In fact, setting goals can create anxiety and a sense of failure.

What does work?

I’m looking at the possibility of what I may accomplish.

I’m focusing on being realistic, given several factors over which I don’t seem to have total control, on what I might accomplish.

I’m thinking small. I’m thinking doable even if Life and/or LIFE show up.

While I may not be setting goals, I am still making Commitments.

     I am Committed to my health and well-being.

     I am Committed to “showing up” for friends and family as best I can.

     I am Committed to writing albeit blog posts.

I’d like to commit to finishing my non-fiction and seeing it and my first non-fiction in audio book format, however that isn’t realistic. It may happen if the stars align, etc. etc. etc. I have no control over the stars or “etc.” so it will happen if it happens.

True confession: This is not a comfortable place for me to be. And I know it is where I need to be at this point in my life.

In order to keep my first commitment, I must pay attention to stressors in my life. A big one is committing to do things I actually can’t do without negative effects in my life. It wasn’t that long ago I could push myself to get things done with few if any negative side effects.

That is no longer true.

While writing is a big part of my life, so are family and friends. Recently a long time best friend died. Over the past several years, I’ve lost friends who had been in my life for 30 – 40 years. The saying “Life’s too short” has a whole different meaning to me now.

One of the main reasons I do write is I see myself as a regular ordinary person. If something is a challenge for me, it most likely is a challenge for a bunch of other people. Perhaps if I share a bit of my life, my challenges and how I'm coping or managing or finding a way through or past them, it can help someone else.

The characters in The Sacred Women’s Circle series face the every-day kinds of challenges most women face. They each keep searching and in that process make decisions and changes so they do manifest their dreams. Perhaps not exactly as they’d originally seen them, but certainly exactly as it needed to be for their happiness.

I’ve mentioned my non-fiction book(s). They are based on the concepts created by Dr. William Glasser. I’ve been involved in his work since the 1970’s. What I’ve learned has had a profound impact on my life.

Key tenants that help me through the day are

“The only person’s behavior we can control is our own” – I remind myself of this one when I really want other people to make different choices.

“All behavior is purposeful” – I use this one when I find myself making a choice that in hindsight, I’m not pleased with. I also use this in trying to understand other people.

There are a few others. If you are interested in knowing more, let me know. I'm on The William Glasser International teaching faculty and regularly teach these concepts.

You can find my books at your favorite e-book vendor as well as through my website www.JudithAshley.net and Windtree Press. Print books are available at Jan’s Paperbacks in Beaverton, OR and Arte Soleil in Portland, OR. Get the addresses from my website. And be sure to ask your library if you’d prefer to read my books through that resource.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series
at JudithAshley.net

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2024 Judith Ashley

 

In The Relative Scheme of Things?

 Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction with light paranormal elements. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you make choices to overcome the darkest nights and choose love and light.

So what.
Aanndd?
Your point is?
Does it really matter?
Or Will it matter in an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, etc.?

I’ve heard these words or others with a similar message for decades and I’ve pretty much ignored them…or…perhaps just didn’t understand their importance.

You see, I’m a recovering independent high achiever. Why? As the decades have passed, I’m physically no longer able to do everything I did 20, 30 or 50 years ago. While it isn’t a surprise really, it is causing problems.

I gladly gave up climbing ladders to clean gutters. That one was easy.

What’s difficult is remembering (and no it isn’t about actual memory), that I cannot/should not lift that pot of plants. Why, I moved it out on the porch for the summer and then back in the house for the winter with no problems.

I used to is not my favorite refrain. I’m not in love with the word mindful as in being mindful of my limitations. And that’s another word that is more frequently used whether out loud or just in my ruminating mind.

The truth is in 2022 I did not meet many, if any, of my goals.

So what.
Aanndd?
Does it really matter?

My point is the best advice I can give myself in 2023 is Be Kind To Myself. After, from my point of view, a fairly disastrous year, the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west, winter is followed by spring then summer and then fall. The earth still revolves on its axis and around the sun.

And unless I tell you what I screwed up, didn’t accomplish, or just missed the mark, you won’t know and if you know me well, I doubt that you care that I’m not as independent nor as high an achiever as I once was.

Such is life.

I’m sailing in uncharted waters. I can choose to stress out about it or I can seek the adventure awaiting me over the next wave.

You can find all of my books at your favorite e-book vendor. Be sure to ask your local library if you’d prefer to read my books through that resource.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2023 Judith Ashley