Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul
nourishing romantic women’s fiction with light paranormal elements. My stories
show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you
are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this
support, you make choices to overcome the darkest nights of your life to choose
love and light.
My Least Favorite Goal and
Why I Set It – Not
I’ve found over the years
that it is not always helpful to me to set goals.
I used to.
Ask people who knew me 20 –
30 years ago. I had Goals five years out. I had monthly, weekly and daily
action lists. Items were crossed off or moved over to the next day. I also
worked 50+ hours a week, had no real “Me” time, etc. I accomplished A Lot! And
people saw me as organized and productive, someone who did what she said she’d
do, etc. etc. etc.
However, time has passed.
I’m as retired as I want to be. I still write (mostly blog posts these days. I
have an idea of finishing my second non-fiction and maybe even getting both it
and my first non-fiction on audio tape. I’ve a couple of started manuscripts I
could possible work on.
Why am I not Setting Goals
to Get Those Things Done?
Because what I’ve learned through experience is that life,
or Life or especially LIFE not only can but does rear up and my best intentions
go sliding into that place where “good intentions” go to die. Being a
recovering (still working on that) high achiever, that is a very uncomfortable
place to be even though I’ve taught myself to look at what I did accomplish as
a percentage of my goal. A goal of one hundred thousand words is 50% met if I
write fifty thousand words.
While that actually feels
better than chastising myself for failing
there is still a vestige of unease because I didn’t reach the 100% mark.
The past several years has seen Life if not LIFE spend
way too much time with me. I’ve worked to reframe my achievements and while I
can say I’ve not Failed, I still
struggle with not being Successful.
However I am someone who makes an effort to find the gift
in the challenges and this is what I’ve learned.
Setting Goals doesn’t work for me. In fact, setting goals
can create anxiety and a sense of failure.
What does work?
I’m looking at the possibility of what I may accomplish.
I’m focusing on being realistic, given several factors
over which I don’t seem to have total control, on what I might accomplish.
I’m thinking small. I’m thinking doable even if Life
and/or LIFE show up.
While I may not be setting goals, I am still making
Commitments.
I am Committed to my health and well-being.
I am Committed to “showing up” for friends and family as
best I can.
I am Committed to writing albeit blog posts.
I’d like to commit to finishing my non-fiction and seeing
it and my first non-fiction in audio book format, however that isn’t realistic.
It may happen if the stars align, etc. etc. etc. I have no control over the
stars or “etc.” so it will happen if it happens.
True confession: This is not a comfortable place for me
to be. And I know it is where I need to be at this point in my life.
In order to keep my first commitment, I must pay
attention to stressors in my life. A big one is committing to do things I
actually can’t do without negative effects in my life. It wasn’t that long ago
I could push myself to get things done with few if any negative side effects.
That is no longer true.
While writing is a big part of my life, so are family and
friends. Recently a long time best friend died. Over the past several years,
I’ve lost friends who had been in my life for 30 – 40 years. The saying “Life’s
too short” has a whole different meaning to me now.
One of the main reasons I do write is I see myself as a
regular ordinary person. If something is a challenge for me, it most likely is
a challenge for a bunch of other people. Perhaps if I share a bit of my life,
my challenges and how I'm coping or managing or finding a way through or past
them, it can help someone else.
The
characters in The Sacred Women’s Circle series face
the every-day kinds of challenges most women face. They each keep searching and
in that process make decisions and changes so they do manifest their dreams.
Perhaps not exactly as they’d originally seen them, but certainly exactly as it
needed to be for their happiness.
I’ve mentioned my non-fiction book(s). They are
based on the concepts created by Dr. William Glasser. I’ve been involved in his
work since the 1970’s. What I’ve learned has had a profound impact on my life.
Key tenants that help me through the day are
“The only person’s behavior we can control is our
own” – I remind myself of this one when I really want other people to make
different choices.
“All behavior is purposeful” – I use this one when I
find myself making a choice that in hindsight, I’m not pleased with. I also use
this in trying to understand other people.
There are a few others. If you are interested in
knowing more, let me know. I'm on The William Glasser International teaching
faculty and regularly teach these concepts.
You can find my books at your favorite e-book
vendor as well as through my website www.JudithAshley.net and Windtree Press.
Print books are available at Jan’s Paperbacks in Beaverton, OR and Arte Soleil
in Portland, OR. Get the addresses from my website. And be sure to ask your
library if you’d prefer to read my books through that resource.
Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s
Circle series
at JudithAshley.net
Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.
You can also find Judith
on FB!
© 2024 Judith Ashley
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