Do you believe in evil?

Hi, I’m Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, soul nourishing romantic women’s fiction that honors pagan spiritual practices. My stories show you what life could be like if you had a place like The Circle where you are unconditionally accepted, supported and loved. And where, with this support, you do overcome obstacles and find your happily-ever-after.

The Blog Queens work out the topics and themes for the next year several months in advance thus they (we) may pick a topic/theme that is a bit more challenging to write about in the moment.

July’s theme “The villain you love to hate” is appropriate if one wants to write about fictional characters however, as I write this post (06/25/2020) hate-filled emotions, hate-filled language and hateful actions abound. And from my perspective, and I do see villains, hating them does not serve me, their victims or society at large.

While there is a belief that people are born evil, in my 50+ years of working in the social services and educational fields, that has not been my experience.

My experience is that when we are fearful of losing physical life, status in the hierarchy of our family, community, employment, control of our situation or others (this is a partial list), we have a choice to make. We can hang on to the fear and use it to justify our actions or we can stop, assess what’s really going on in terms of our fear and look for a solution that benefits us all.

I’ve no statistics to back up this next statement – only personal and professional experiences.

All anger is fear-based and it comes from something we want to gain or retain that is at risk.

Take a moment and the next time you feel frustrated, upset, irritated or even angry or in a rage, STOP. What is it you fear? It could be you are being physically threatened. It also could be that your view of yourself and even your place in the world is being threatened.

Do you know why your ancestors immigrate to North America? My maternal ancestors came on the second boat from England. They sought religious freedom. By DNA I’ve more non-England ancestry so my ancestors most likely invaded England in 1066. I’ve also some Irish as a great grandmother emigrated from Ireland in the late 1800’s. I thought I was mainly Danish on my paternal side of the family. But my DNA said “No, you are mainly Swedish!” Looks like 500 or so years ago there was a major influx of Swedes into Denmark.

It is difficult to develop wise-compassion if you don’t know the whole story. Every real life villain I’ve known or read about had choices to make. Their choices were rooted in I’m More Important/What I want is More  Important Than You. And I must dehumanize/demonize you in order to get or keep what I want and deserve to have.

Since early times, before Judao/Christian/Muslim religions, collaboration, the good of the whole, was how we human beings worked together and how we worked with the environment in which we lived. Of course our survival depended on us using our talents, skills and community to best advantage.

What changed?

Weaponry that had been used to kill the meat for the next meal was turned against other humans. Life was no longer revered as it was in the olden times. Collaboration was turned to joining forces to better defeat another group. The concept of creating a community structure that benefited everyone was lost.

If you are interested in being in more control of your life, I encourage you to take a look at my book Staying Sane in a Crazy World or check out the Glasser Institute for Choice Theory (GIFCT) website for resources.

It will take some effort on your part including being honest with yourself (not always easy), but you can be in control of your life, your feelings and find a hate-free (which means fear-free) path for yourself.

You can find all of my books at your favorite e-book vendor. Be sure to ask your local library if you’d prefer to read my books through that resource.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2020 Judith Ashley

Do Unto Others…and Yourself!

By Linda Lovely

This month’s theme is how to get through tough times. We all have them, and we all cope differently.  Here are my three strategies for tackling stress, sadness, frustration and/or anger.

(1)  Do something nice for someone else. Aid a nonprofit. Volunteer.

I wish I could say I tend to do one of these things as my first reaction. I can’t. But when I do take this more altruistic route, I always feel better. Helping someone else solve a problem is rewarding and takes your mind off your own problems. What does doing something nice for someone mean? I could be as simple as taking cookies to a friend who’s been ill or asking a recent widow/widower out to a movie or dinner. Of course, you shouldn’t be doing this to talk about your own troubles! Volunteer work for any organization with a cause you believe in is also therapeutic.  

(2)  Do something nice for yourself.
This is especially effective if I’m stressed or overwhelmed by deadlines. Take time out to treat yourself to something you really enjoy. For me, a massage is about the best relaxation, anti-stress option I can think of.

(3)  Write it out.
Not a surprising answer for an author. If I’m upset (okay, most often if I’m angry), I’ll write in great detail (often with multiple exclamation points) about what has triggered my wrath. The document may be a Letter to the Editor or it could be addressed to the person or group proposing some idiocy. Ninety-nine times out of 100, this letter goes in the trash. However, it is very effective in helping me blow off steam. (It also gives me great fodder for how one of my heroine’s might react given similar provocations.) There’s also the possibility that I’ll save the angry tome for later editing into a rational argument against whatever (in my opinion) idiocy is being suggested.

For me, the worst thing I can do when I’m upset is NOTHING. If I keep emotions bottled up, they just multiply and eat away at my happiness.

Recently, I was looking for a prize for a reader giveaway and came across a wishing ball. I’d never heard of one before, but I thought the idea was brilliant. The beautiful glass ball came with a pad of slips. Every day, you were encouraged to write something on a slip-- either a wish or something you were grateful for--and drop it inside the ball. This may be an excellent mental health aid—reminding ourselves every day of our blessings. There are real reasons for us to be sad or angry. But we can’t forget the wonder and joy of just being alive.  

A Mask for Meetings?

By Linda Lovely

I need a mask.

I haven’t worn one since grade school when we went Halloween trick-or-treating, making sure to hit Mrs. Bradley’s house early before she ran out of homemade caramels.

No, I don’t want a mask for Halloween 2016. I need one to wear at certain meetings I force myself to attend—meetings that often leave me too irritated to sleep. 

After contemplating this month’s blog topic—masks—I realized one might come in very handy for mandatory attendance events that force me to interact with (or at least listen to) people I believe to be total hypocrites, bullies, or arrogant buttheads.

My problem is I tend to show exactly what I think in such encounters. I know folks who can smile sweetly while face-to-face with someone they despise and then ridicule or curse that person the minute she’s out of hearing range. Other people can appear as serene and blank-faced as a Buddha while listening to someone tell lies or exaggerate to  make their point.

Not me. I’ve tried. Even when I know it’s in my best interests to mask my feelings, I typically fail. Maybe I’m missing some mystery gene that would let me command my facial muscles to smile when my heart and gut are telling me to narrow my eyes and glare.

For better or worse, one look at my face usually tells people everything they want (or don’t want) to know about my mood—joyful, angry, sad, excited, bored, disgusted. Of course, I do have a neutral expression. It usually indicates I’m napping.

My inability to mask my own feelings leads me to be fascinated by the chameleons I encounter who can change their colors at will and react in whatever manner they think will gain them the best advantage with any audience or situation. I study these individuals in real life for a very good reason—they make exceptional villains in fiction.

Guess that’s another reason to attend those meetings I dread. Great research for characters.

Can you mask your feelings? If so, what’s your secret?